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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a school birthday party for my September born?

38 replies

cheesebagel398 · 18/08/2019 16:50

My DD is starting reception this September and will have a birthday 10 days after school starts. It’s a phased start so it will be 5 full days before her birthday. AIBU to not have a party for all of her reception friends as it’s very early on in term? Should I have a party next year instead when she has a chance to get to know her classmates? Or is throwing a party a good opportunity for her to get to know some of the children?

OP posts:
musicinspring1 · 18/08/2019 16:54

I’ve got the same dilemma but my dd starts school on her actual birthday! For my elder children I always did a whole class party in reception as it was a good way to get to know other parents , but I can’t see how it will work for DD. Confused I’m swayed to waiting until year 1 as I think she will be a bit overwhelmed to be surrounded by lots of children she doesn’t know. I think I will stick to a small party with family and family friends this year.

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 18/08/2019 16:54

I wouldn’t have one, and I also have a September-born reception-starting daughter. She’s got a couple of friends from the nursery that she might want to have a get together with but full on party, no. Year one might be a different story, but this year I don’t see the fuss.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/08/2019 16:55

I’d have one. I personally think it’s rude to accept invites and not return them yourself.

It’s a chance to meet others and for the children to get to know each other. Most parties around here are whole class until around year 3.

Fatasfooook · 18/08/2019 16:56

The bigger question is why are you questioning whether you should pay towards clothing your own child for school? What kind of parent are you?

Fatasfooook · 18/08/2019 16:58

Oops wrong thread

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 18/08/2019 16:58

@Fatasfooook - they’re different op’s??

Blondephantom · 18/08/2019 16:58

You could send in cakes as a compromise. Though if you do this, individual portions like cupcakes are best. I can remember being presented with a cake that said ‘serves ten’ and being expected to make it do for 30. Bringing in cakes was quite common when not having a party/not a full class party.

You could also have a party but a week later than the birthday to give a bit more notice. I’d base my decision on what my child would prefer while considering my own stress levels.

AllFourOfThem · 18/08/2019 17:03

I think it would be rude for your DD to attend her class friends birthday parties if you don’t invite them and you might find she questions why they have parties and she can’t go.

I’d view it as a good way to meet the other parents and for your DD to make friends.

Oblomov19 · 18/08/2019 17:06

I'd still have one. Teacher will have had this before: ie being asked by a mum who she's been playing with after only a week.

Or an all class party? And a few Old nursery friends aswell?

Original poster
cheesebagel398 · 18/08/2019 17:09

I’m thinking all class party. I don’t want to exclude anyone and most soft play parties have 30 kids max

OP posts:
altiara · 18/08/2019 17:10

You could have a party at the end of September, I think it’s good for them to get to know each other. Maybe village hall, lots of games and cake.
Or should I just say I’m a September birthday, don’t leave us out, we want parties and cake and wine CakeWine

BeanBag7 · 18/08/2019 17:12

Wont it be a bit late to invite everyone 5 days before the party? I would invite her friends from preschool/nursery who you already knew.

PP said I personally think it’s rude to accept invites and not return them yourself , but you can return the favour by inviting them in September next year.

Kungfupanda67 · 18/08/2019 17:14

Everyone saying it’s rude to accept invitations if you’re not offering them is ridiculous. If you do a whole class party in September your daughter will not then be invited to 29 other parties this year. Likewise if you invite 10 kids she probably won’t be invited to all of their parties and will probably be invited to parties of children she didn’t invite to hers. A party for 30 kids can cost hundreds (I did a party for 10 kids last year and it was £230!). None of the September birthdays had a whole class party in reception when my son started, his first party was December.

Jamiefraserskilt · 18/08/2019 17:14

Total class for getting to know you time.
Village hall.
Music
Balloons
Boxes
Bouncy castle
Buffet
Bubble machine

Job done!

Mumshappy · 18/08/2019 17:16

When dd8 started reception (she is sep born) she didn't have a party as I decided it was too early on . Took her on a weekend away instead. We did a whole class party in year one.

Original poster
cheesebagel398 · 18/08/2019 17:17

She was never invited to any parties at nursery but had some friends there. The only issue is that they are finished for the term/year and I don’t have a way of contacting any of the parents.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 18/08/2019 17:18

My DS was in exactly this situation. I held a party for his nursery friends since he didn't know anyone from school yet and it was a nice way to send off the nursery leavers too.

Robs20 · 18/08/2019 17:18

I’d have one at the end of sept. Good opportunity for her to get to know her classmates. My birthday was always the first/second/third day of the Sept term and I hated it. Thought no-one would remember/ want to come to my party!! (It was of course fine and everyone came to the parties)

GinNotGym19 · 18/08/2019 17:19

I’d have one but 3 weeks after school starts, gives time to get the invites out.

clucky3 · 18/08/2019 17:19

I think a party towards the end of September for the whole class would be a great way for parents to get to know each other. It doesn't have to be expensive if you're willing to arrange a few party games yourself in a church hall.

One of the parents of a September born child in one of my DC's classes did this and it was fab. As a working parent not often at the school gates I really appreciated it.

SeriouslyEnoughAlreadyRantOver · 18/08/2019 17:23

I think it would be rude for your DD to attend her class friends birthday parties if you don’t invite them

how is that rude?
My kids accept most birthday party invitations they receive, I don't throw a whole class party every year. Nothing rude of having a small gathering and accepting a later invitation from someone who wasn't on the list, just bring a gift.

You don't have to organise a big party from reception, you can wait until next year! Let the parents know in the summer so they have a bit of a warning.

In most places it's far too late to book something for the beginning of September anyway by now.

sotired2 · 18/08/2019 17:24

what about delaying party a few weeks give chance to settle in.

CocoLoco87 · 18/08/2019 17:25

I'm in the same boat! Mine turns 5 before he starts reception. It is a dilemma as I don't know the parents and I feel like they'll all groan at a party invitation so early on. On the other hand I don't want him to be excluded from parties because he didn't invite anyone to his Confused

Kungfupanda67 · 18/08/2019 17:31

On the other hand I don't want him to be excluded from parties because he didn't invite anyone to his

He won’t be! Everyone else will either a) have a class party and he will be invited b) have a small group and he will either be invited if he is their friend, or not invited if he’s not, or c) not have a party in which case he obviously won’t be invited!

My son is beginning of October so it seemed too early for a party in reception. He picked 3 friends and we took them bowling and for pizza. He’d only been at school for a few weeks so obviously those friendships changed - he ended up being invited to one of their parties, one didn’t have a party and one had a small group and my son wasn’t invited because by then they weren’t really friends. He was invited to loads of other parties though, so don’t worry about it c

Applejack5 · 18/08/2019 17:39

My daughter is starting school this year with an October birthday. She's got a load of nursery friends she wants to have a party with so we're booking a hall for October and handing out early invitations to a few at nursery before they leave, then if she makes a few new friends who she's desperate to invite in September we can invite them too. I think a whole class party is a bit much though, and they will have only just met. Maybe in year 1!

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