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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex messaging son

32 replies

JungStyx · 18/08/2019 14:21

Posting for traffic

Background;

I was with sons dad for about 6 months before I got pregnant with him. When son was 1 or almost 1 (he's now almost 19) his dad was arrested. When he was released when son was about 3/4 he was told by ss he can't go near son (for some outing reasons). When he was younger I used to tell him his dad had to to away but when he was 13/14 his cousin told him.

For a few months he's started drinking a lot every night and he doesn't have a job now as he got sacked for never going.

Last night he didn't go out and his girlfriend (pregnant with sons baby) came round and stayed. And he told her that his dad has been messaging him and forcing son to drink with him. And son told me this morning after she persuaded him to. And he showed me the messages

At first when he found son on SM my son was telling him he didn't want to talk to him but he began saying he would hurt me. So my son listened and he wanted him to ruin my life. Last night son told him he wasn't going out and he started threatening him that he would hurt me and him if he reported him or told anyone.

Now I don't know what to do Because son said I can't report him to the police. And I'm not sure if it still counts that he can't go by son as he's now an adult.

Help!!

OP posts:
Fatasfooook · 18/08/2019 14:31

You really do need to call the police.

MummyOfTwo92 · 18/08/2019 14:39

Report it straight away.

eastmidsmum · 18/08/2019 14:43

Yes you need to tell Police, maybe call Women's Aid as well for some support and advice? Try and make yr son see that this will only get worse, for all of you AND there's going to be a baby in the picture soon, if you do nothing. Awful situation though OP. X

SparklyMagpie · 18/08/2019 14:44

Police - no question about it

GruciusMalfoy · 18/08/2019 14:45

You'd be sensible in calling the police. Show your son that this dickhead isn't going to run his life.

boring485 · 18/08/2019 14:45

Ring the police!!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 18/08/2019 14:48

You have the evidence in writing? Ring the police!

carly2803 · 18/08/2019 14:51

police. today.no wait, now.!!!

WhoReallyCares · 18/08/2019 14:58

PHONE THE POLICE

Collaborate · 18/08/2019 15:05

Take it out of your son’s hands and call the police yourself. Screenshot the text messages.

messolini9 · 18/08/2019 15:11

Because son said I can't report him to the police

Don't worry, the rest of world says you can.

Screenshot every damn message before you do, & go in person, so you can show the texts.

Jayaywhynot · 18/08/2019 15:38

Yup, police, even though your son is a young adult this needs a proper grown up (you) to take control. Is ex dangerous? You may need to take precautions, your son too. Let us know what happens Flowers

Sn0tnose · 18/08/2019 16:12

Sorry to hear things have moved on from your last post. I think you should definitely report to the police. Even if your son is an adult, what will happen when his girlfriend gives birth?

Original poster
JungStyx · 18/08/2019 17:06

He told me not to tell the police because his dad said he will hurt me and him if we reported him.

OP posts:
Fatasfooook · 18/08/2019 17:11

All abusers threaten that OP. Don’t let him control you or your son. Seek help

Chickychoccyegg · 18/08/2019 17:20

Report him, if you dont ex will continue to contact and try to control ds and you.

BadgerBadgerMushroom · 18/08/2019 17:31

It must be really hard but you need help to deal with this situation. He can't have a hold over you forever. Phone the Police.

HappyHammy · 18/08/2019 17:36

Police and restraining order, your son needs to block his number and not meet him. Keep messages and texts for evidence.

SistersOfMerci · 18/08/2019 17:42

Please tell me you took pics of the threatening messages?

eastmidsmum · 18/08/2019 17:45

Might be be breaking his release conditions anyway - although I don't know if those can last for 15 years or when son is an adult. At any rate his previous record should mean that the Police deal with him straight away.
If he's forcing your son to drink with him, he's hurting him (and you) already, in a way.

MummyOfTwo92 · 18/08/2019 17:48

He could hurt you either way. If you don't report it there is nothing logged if one of you does get hurt. Go down to your local station with the evidence of the messages. Your son has a baby to think about to.

messolini9 · 18/08/2019 17:55

He told me not to tell the police because his dad said he will hurt me and him if we reported him.

And you tell him that his dad will hurt either one of you, police onvolvement or not. You also tell him that, as you are the responsible adult, you get to decide on important matters. Explain to him how his dad was arrested, imprisioned, & banned from contact by SS.

It is immaterial whether that SS ban still applies now DS is adult.
DS needs to understand that anyone threatening him or you must be reported, & that his dad is only using this threat to control him.
The only way to stop that control is to involve the police.
With this history you have, plus the recent texts, there will be no difficultly in obtaining a restraining order or injunction.

Without police involvement, you are at this dickhead's mercy.
Stop taking advice from your barely-grown son, woman up & get to the cop shop to protect him - & yourself - asap.

Footle · 18/08/2019 18:19

Imagine him threatening the baby, and you too scared to tell the police.

Jamiefraserskilt · 18/08/2019 18:27

I am with messoloni on this one..
He is scared and in a corner.
You have both been threatened by a thug.
Time to stand up and be counted, again.

TotorosNeighbour · 18/08/2019 18:51

He is already hurting both of you. Call the police

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