To wonder what happened when you started being more assertive?

[cowsoy]

I am a bit of a doormat and recognize that I need to be more assertive.

I am often a bit worried about coming across as blunt or rude though.

I think people are so used to me being a doormat that even a polite "No, sorry, I'm busy" or something can come across as a big shock to them and sound ruder than if it was coming from someone else.

Anyway, I'd be interested to hear stories from those of you that began being more assertive. What changed? How did people react? Has it been very positive?

(not really looking for tips on how to be assertive, just people's experiences).

Well, you'll find out who your true friends are and which family members love you unconditionally, that's for sure!

Just go about it quietly and calmly and don't back down. That's all you can do.

For me, it’s been all good.
Like several previous posters, it took having DC to make me more assertive. I’ve always been better at standing up for other people than myself. And have found it easier to put a stop to things that would negatively impact on them than I ever would have for myself.
And now, having been taken for a mug all my life, I have learnt that
“no is a complete sentence”
And you know what? People may be a bit surprised, but they accept it.
I think If they really want to push it they realise how unreasonable they are being in the space I leave in my silence (No is a complete sentence), when they have to have a think.

For me it has been positive. I have found out who my true friends are and I am happier and more patient.
I used to become distressed and anxious by people’s constant demands of me and my time.
My daughter had a life changing diagnosis that she has to live with and only one of my “friends” was understanding and an ear through the early days. As I suddenly had less time I became depressed trying to be something to these people. I had always been understanding when they had babies and life changes travelled to their kids christenings miles from home amongst other things.
One day I realised I was making myself ill with stress so said no to a friends summons’s as she was “in the area at 10am for half hour.” I had a newly diagnosed type one diabetic, a newborn and three other kids to sort. I was the bad guy in this persons eyes. She bad mouthed me to all who would listen, for not meeting her when she was free as she has a busy life. She never worked all her kids were in school. My family come first and if they can’t be supportive why should I bend over backwards for them.
It’s very liberating and becomes easier the more you stand up for yourself.
You will be left with the people that matter and be open to new friendships that are more equal and beneficial to both sides.