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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that some people's lives are

36 replies

IceAndASlice123 · 18/08/2019 08:51

As they portray on Facebook?

True soulmates with their partners
Lovely kids
Great job
Do lots of fun, social events
Lots of friends

Do you think its possible we tell ourselves nobody's life can be that good but actually it is?

OP posts:

herculepoirot2 · 18/08/2019 08:52

Yes.

Guessimaprude · 18/08/2019 08:53

I think some peopke do live that life, but i also think its usually temporary - mine was!

Scotlass123 · 18/08/2019 08:53

Of course lots of peoples lives are great. Not everyone is miserable

Barbarafromblackpool · 18/08/2019 08:53

My life is pretty good. I don’t share it on FB though. I haven’t got a job either.

coco123456789 · 18/08/2019 08:54

I think it’s all to do with our levels of contentment and gratitude though. Some people wouldn’t be content with what other people have.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 18/08/2019 08:54

Lots of people have great lives but remember not every minute is amazing. It’s normal for lives to have ups and down and I think looking for the positives in your own life is always a good thing.

MrsZola · 18/08/2019 08:54

I have a friend whose life is exactly like that - utterly charmed and she breezes through it with nothing touching her or her family. Don't get me wrong, she's my oldest friend and I love her immensely but yes, I do look at her sometimes and wonder at how the chips have fallen.

RedSheep73 · 18/08/2019 08:55

People only ever put the highlights on FB, you know that. The couple I know that bragged most about their perfect relationship, he's now in prison for paedophilia. It's not all as they make out.

PersonaNonGarter · 18/08/2019 08:56

I absolutely love my life. I genuinely think I am very, very lucky. For that reason, I never ever post pictures of my gorgeous DC & DH, home, holidays, hobbies, pets or job.

It’s just too fucking smug.

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 18/08/2019 08:57

That is how life should be really, yes. Although there is no such thing as a perfect life. You can be in love with your partner and going through a rough patch, you can have lots of friends but a specific problem with one of them, a good job but stress at work.

I can’t say I know too many people that hate their partners, jobs, children and rarely go out!

herculepoirot2 · 18/08/2019 08:57

It reminds me of Byron:

                                          I do believe,

Though I have found them not, that there may be
Words which are things, — hopes which will not deceive,
And Virtues which are merciful, nor weave
Snares for the failing; I would also deem
O'er others' griefs that some sincerely grieve—
That two, or one, are almost what they seem,—
That Goodness is no name — and Happiness no dream.

Bridget1983 · 18/08/2019 08:59

I think people who over share “perfect lives” on SM usually have something that’s missing/they’re masking but lots of people do have happy normal lives, don’t probably tick every box - eg great family but not so great job etc or great job, great social life but don’t have the perfect 2.4 family

CheerfulMuddler · 18/08/2019 08:59

I think all those things can be true, but even when they are, there will be arguments and tantrums and days when the job you love is hard work, and your lovely kids are kicking off, and your soulmate hasn't done the washing up, and one of your lovely friends has just been diagnosed with cancer.
Facebook isn't necessarily lies. But it's rarely the whole truth.

Blueoasis · 18/08/2019 09:04

I don't think they actually are happy to be honest. Whenever I see someone constantly posting about their 'amazing' partner, I usually just think 'so what's going wrong at home?'

I see a lot of people posting about their results in sports etc and they only ever post the good stuff, they never or very rarely post about the times where it went wrong. Just shows that not only do you want to look like you're perfect when your not, you haven't even learnt the valuable lesson you got when you failed. So there's no wonder you keep making the same mistakes is it?

But then people don't want to read the bad stuff do they? Only want to hear success stories.

herculepoirot2 · 18/08/2019 09:06

Whenever I see someone constantly posting about their 'amazing' partner, I usually just think 'so what's going wrong at home?'

That’s very cynical.

TregunaMekoides · 18/08/2019 09:08

I don't like saying it because I'm sure I'll jinx it but mine is exactly like that described in the OP. I suppose the difference is I don't use social media or feel the need to put it out there for validation. I know my life is lovely. I don't need likes to reassure me of it, which is what I feel social media is for now. It used to help me keep in touch with family and friends I live a long way from, but since I've stopped using it we communicate directly using WhatsApp and email. I much prefer it. I do think my contentment level is fairly low ie what I am very happy with others may be dissatisfied with. But I have a good job, a DH I adore and for whom I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual (!), lovely DC, great friends whom I/we hang out with a lot - we're all off on holiday together tomorrow actually. We're not rich by a country mile but we don't worry about money really. But I do wonder if that's because neither of us have particularly expensive habits/tastes.
My life hasn't always been this lovely though so perhaps different from those described in subsequent posts who have breezed through life. We lost a number of babies after our first DC in our quest to expand our family. I'm not sure how many people know about all that. It's not many know the true extent. Apart from the losses for which I was visibly pregnant. I'm just not a big talker when it comes to problems. I internalise and find my own way through.
I never ever take this for granted though. I am a worrier and have the odd sleepless night thinking about if/when it's all going to go wrong because it seems naive to think it can all carry on like this forever.

dayswithaY · 18/08/2019 09:09

I think if someone's life is as perfect as you have described they definitely don't waste their time telling strangers about it on Facebook.

31RueCambon · 18/08/2019 09:09

I sometimes think about posting something really honest but nowadays posting anything that isn't good news could be seen as a cry for help!

ie, ''drama!''

Oblomov19 · 18/08/2019 09:10

My FB life is my life. I share the good and the bad. I'm quite open about the fact that I have lots of good stuff, but some shit!

I love Dh, but sometimes he drives me nutty. I really enjoy my part time job. Ds's both do well at school have very nice friends and do sports.
But I have a brittle medical condition and Ds1 is difficult and then he went and ran away!
Meanwhile I've got great friends and am forever at parties and going abroad for long weekends.
Why do you think everyone is a facade?

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 18/08/2019 09:11

The people I know who post the most stuff on social media all are lying. They all have shit going on behind the scenes and their posts aren’t reflective of real life. Maybe it’s a form of escapism or embarrassment or something.

Choice4567 · 18/08/2019 09:12

I think my life is pretty wonderful family/job/house wise. I don’t have Facebook. Partner does but never posts on there. I think my life is great for the most part, and the people I’d like to know that I see regularly so they’re part of it. Don’t know why I’d need to tell people on Facebook

Oblomov19 · 18/08/2019 09:12

Saying that. I don't post on FB that much!!

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 18/08/2019 09:12

I have a wonderful life, gorgeous funny DH, fantastic family and friends great un pressurised job & I share none of it on FB doesn’t even enter my head to.

MatildaTheCat · 18/08/2019 09:19

For those of us who are older I would say look back over your phot collections and it’s much the same; one long summer day, celebrations, Christmas etc. All the tantrums, illness and epic arguments consigned to the memory bin.

I can say with confidence that whilst I know lots of happy families none have been untouched by heartbreak, illness or work problems. They are an intrinsic part of life.

EleanorReally · 18/08/2019 09:20

Facebook isnt the whole story, ever, you are only going to post the good things, good photos,
you can Check in to fb but it doesnt mean you are having a good time at said event.

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