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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children’s Birthday parties - Money as a present

41 replies

DustyLoveday · 18/08/2019 02:59

I am probably going to get shot down for this but I hate it when parents give money as a present.
I think it’s fine from family members but not at parties where your child has invited school friends.
It just seems a bit lazy. Like the parent couldn’t be arsed to look for a present and wrap it up.
My 7 year old just had a party and had loads of cards with people just saying ‘I stuck a bit of money in there’. Obviously grateful for the money etc but it is nice to see the joy on a child’s face when they open a present that someone has taken the time to make an effort for them.

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 18/08/2019 03:11

Honestly, I have a completely different view on things. A family member knows the child and what they might like - so if anything they would be the ones better at picking presents. In this day and age of being careful about resources and plastic junk - it seems crazy to buy a gift just for the sake of it when with money a child can buy what they want or save and buy something bigger. My daughter has 8 of those put those craft things where you put tiny plastic pieces in the holes to create something as an example - she has used one of them and they are just about to head off to charity after her keeping them for 4 years. Your child will still get the joy - when they get the item they want and will use. I always ask people does your child want something in particular, I am also happy to give money if they are saving for something...and in the last 40 birthday parties every single parent except one parent has said their child would prefer the money. And my children tell me the child is always delighted when they open the card and find money.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 18/08/2019 03:17

My kids prefer getting money from their friends, they love being able to put it all together to buy something they’ve been saving up for Smile

They definitely still have joy on their faces, usually accompanied by “Twenty bucks!!” Grin

Yeahnahmum · 18/08/2019 05:31

Money is so much better then receiving 100 random cheap presents that your kid might not even be interested in.

This way they can buy whatever they want with it. Save up for something big or something like that.

It is not a matter of people not being arsed to go out and buy something. It is just a matter of wanting to contribute to something nice.

myself2020 · 18/08/2019 05:44

Best way to not get money as present is to ask “no gifts please”. :)

Silversky70 · 18/08/2019 05:48

Yabu. No, I can't be arsed looking for some cheap tat for a child I don't know or care about. Money is useful and less wasteful. My dd just got 10 stationery sets.

HennyPennyHorror · 18/08/2019 06:05

I'm with you. It's thoughtless.

peachypetite · 18/08/2019 06:27

Save it for them! Surely they have enough presents already?

Shoxfordian · 18/08/2019 06:29

Money is good because they can buy something bigger that they want but they don't get the fun of unwrapping presents so I don't think you're unreasonable

Etiquetteworry · 18/08/2019 06:33

Completely agree with OP. Giving money is not nice at a children's party. I also don't like the environmental impact of all the tat so generally stick to books.

PersonaNonGarter · 18/08/2019 06:34

I disagree in general. Money is easy. Parents do not have enough time or knowledge to know what classmates might like or need. Why should they?

I agree with you for DC you know more closely though.

clucky3 · 18/08/2019 06:40

I disagree. Would much rather receive money than piles of plastic tat (which incidentally reveal how little people know my child - despite being a 7 year old boy, he's not into Star Wars or any of the other generic boy things). Honestly when opening party gifts I put more than half of it straight into a bag for the charity shop. It sits there for a few weeks in case the child asks where X is but then it's gone and the gifts are never missed.

When giving I prefer book tokens to cash but I'm absolutely not offended by receiving cash. If anything I think it's worse for family to give cash. They're the ones who you would actually expect to give a thoughtful gift, not harassed parents with yet another party gift to add to their to do lists.

Jimdandy · 18/08/2019 06:45

I have a completely different view to you. I live 2 mins from an Argos so I could easily nip and get something for a birthday child, but when you ask their parents what they like and even directly say “please just tell me what he would he like or what ranges he’s into” and they say “just get anything” it makes it quite difficult to choose a random gift.

So I now always give money or vouchers unless there’s something specific the child wants.

I’d rather they had holiday money or choose something themselves than my gift end up at the car boot.

It’s just wasteful.

DCIRozHuntley · 18/08/2019 06:48

We do a little cut out of the age the child is turning and stick appropriate number of coins on.

I personally think the much-lauded on MN "gifts drawer" with assorted stuff bought in sales and generic pre-bought cards is the worst combo of thoughtless and wasteful. It also doesn't teach DC anything about choosing a gift carefully (which cash doesn't either, granted.)

AgeBeforeBeauty · 18/08/2019 06:53

I prefer money, though it's isn't the done thing around here. My dd also got too many stationery sets, some things that were clearly repurposed presents, and others that she just won't use. It's wasteful, and I don't think children really appreciate it when they get that many presents - unwrap, "Great! Next!" - they are joyful but it lasts only a few seconds.

And how do you know if they've already got what you're getting them? It's impossible.

Fully support money in a card, especially as they start to get older (from about 6/7 onwards I think is appropriate).

Fucket · 18/08/2019 06:54

Yeah money is a bit thoughtless but then I can’t get too worked up about every child’s birthday in my children’s classes. Sure if I knew the child and what they’d like for a gift I would probably go out of my way to pick a nice gift.

But tbh I’m not going to do that for someone’s child I know nothing about, and do not want to buy tat.

Show me a 7 yr old whose eyes don’t light up at the sight of a tenner. Ok, probably a very spoilt one.

Anyway what happened to being grateful?

AgeBeforeBeauty · 18/08/2019 06:54

Also, we as the family, and extended family, tend to buy presents anyway (usually one big one and a few small ones) - so it's not like they don't get anything to open.

Gingerkittykat · 18/08/2019 07:18

How is it possible to buy a thoughtful present for a child you barely know? Unless it is a close friend of your child's then you have no idea what they like, what their personality is or whether or not they already have 20 art sets unused at home. You don't even know if they already have a copy of the book you want to buy and know a dozen other people will be buying them a present too.

Far better to give some money so they can choose something themselves.

Vivi890 · 18/08/2019 07:24

Money is much better than a bunch of junk you don’t need.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/08/2019 07:29

I’m with you OP- though I’m always in the minority, it’s so nice to see the excitement on a young child’s face when they open presents. There’s plenty of years ahead where cash becomes the default/ norm!
It’s also imo setting a precedent that your guests owe you! Almost paying to attend your celebration.

wendz86 · 18/08/2019 07:31

I'd rather money so they can buy on more expensive thing rather than loads of little toys. It is nice for them to have some things to open though.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 18/08/2019 08:23

We purposely have fiver parties in my kids class. It’s all anyone does where I live and has been this way for years. Fiver in an envelope so the kid can buy something nice rather than a lot of crap plastic and unwanted gifts. We also don’t do party bags anymore which might shock you all but it cuts down the waste and plastic

SeriouslyEnoughAlreadyRantOver · 18/08/2019 08:26

YABU

they are giving a present, they don't know your kid, they don't know what he likes - even if their own child can give clues - they don't know what he already has, it's a perfectly valid choice.

I do buy gifts, I don't spend more than £10-£15 on each child, but if I was really stuck, nothing wrong in giving money instead. Even better than vouchers

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/08/2019 08:26

Part of the fun of going to a party is choosing the gift. Mine loved going to the shops to pick something and they know what their friends like.

We don’t gift money though on principle. Too many parents seem to think the money is family money so the child doesn’t get to spend it or it gets put in savings for years so no fun treat.

Wynston · 18/08/2019 08:34

I hate buying something for the sake of it.......doesn't mean i haven't looked-usually i have searched the shops and really considered what the child would like but all i see is plastic that will be put in the bin and i hate that thought.
In our house we save the money up and put it towards something we couldn't normally afford.

xsamix86 · 18/08/2019 08:36

I'm a step parent and DSS always has parties on the weekend. Because we mostly have him on a weekend we dont meet most of the kids/parents we are then taking him to the party for, so for us it is difficult buying for a kid u dont really know, although we do make best effort. For us we both work full time (I also have a part time evening job on top of this) so it's not as easy to pop out and buy something appropriate. Then there is the budget to think about, we dont want to be too cheap but dont want to spend loads on something this child probably wont want so giving money would be ideal if we could get away with it, but it is generally frowned upon in this schools circles.