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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really not like babies...but crave a child!

38 replies

Blankspace4 · 17/08/2019 15:55

DH and I are about to undergo our first cycle of IVF after a whopping 6 years of infertility. I’m not sure whether I’ve become resilient and as a defence mechanism convinced myself of this - but I really really DONT like babies.

I don’t feel maternal at all, I actively avoid friends babies and feel awkward and downright scared holding them, their cries drive me mad and I in no way find them ‘cute’. Everyone else seems to coo and find them adorable and this worries me!

Children - toddler upwards - another story. I like them and am great with them.

But the baby phase is worrying me and making me worry I’m not a born mother.

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 17/08/2019 16:01

You would be likely to feel different about your own, but even if not there are plenty of women that just grin and bear the baby stage but come in to their own parenting an actual child. It would make it a bit tougher at first, but you would still love your baby, plus it's so short and goes by in the blink of an eye.

I wouldn't worry too much Flowers

Lou573 · 17/08/2019 16:03

Yeah, I don’t like babies OP, hard hard slog for not much return. However - currently expecting my second as the baby stage is pretty short.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 17/08/2019 16:13

I really didn't have much interest in babies at all before I had my own. Adore them after two.

And as PP say it's a short stage anyway - plenty of perfectly good mums who much prefer older children to babies and just get through the baby stage.

Sciurus83 · 17/08/2019 16:16

I thought I was the same until I had my own. All other babies are still weird and annoying, except when they remind me of my glorious child. I jest, obviously, but really the saying is true you do feel differently when it's your own and you are surprised at the things you can find joy in that you didn't expect

bearboat · 17/08/2019 16:31

I have next to no interest in other people's babies. Never have done. Only hold them to be polite!

My babies on the other hand are the most amazing creatures ever. I'm obsessed with them.

Boom25 · 17/08/2019 16:34

So normal, don't worry. Most people arent mad on babies until they have their own. I was unusually quite into babies, but since having my own, I really cant stand other people kids. Mine are ok though 😃

berlinbabylon · 17/08/2019 16:36

Baby phase is over quickly. It's 18 or so months of your life. Then its gone (unless you have more kids of course). Babies are pretty boring when they're not yours. But your own is the loveliest baby ever!

AuntieStella · 17/08/2019 16:36

That's OK

They're not babies for long and you'll get through that bit (even if it does seem endless/boring at the time). The rest of childhood lasts much longer.

whereisthebloodypostman · 17/08/2019 16:47

I really didn't enjoy the newborn phase. It's massively put me off having another. would probably still go for it though if I could afford nursery costs but I can't. I'd go through it all again a million times for DS though.

SweetMelodies · 17/08/2019 16:50

Much better to be like this than the other way round! I do know some who are obsessed with the pregnancy/little baby stage then lose interest once the toddlerhood hits.

The baby stage is so short-lived.

torthecatlady · 17/08/2019 16:50

I could've written your post OP.
I'm hoping that when or if I do eventually have a child my feelings will change!!

Original poster
Blankspace4 · 17/08/2019 16:51

Thank you all for your reassuring words Smile

I do think in some way it’s been a defence mechanism due to my infertility. Whenever I see a baby it reminds me of what I haven’t been able to have. But now I feel ready and just have everything crossed for this IVF.

I’m curious about women who coo over babies though and really want cuddles - are they just being polite?!

OP posts:
peachgreen · 17/08/2019 16:53

Oh I love other people's babies - all the gorgeous newborn cuddles, none of the rest of the hell that goes with it! Hated the baby stage with mine. Enjoyed from about 7 months on, and now that she's a toddler she's an absolute delight and a joy. Will grit my teeth and bear it to get through the baby stage for another as I'd love another child..

Jemima232 · 17/08/2019 16:54

I’m curious about women who coo over babies though and really want cuddles - are they just being polite?

Some of them might be being polite but there are lots of women who really do like cuddling babies.

I don't much like holding other people's babies but my own were utterly perfect.

And yours will be too. I hope the IVF is successful.

Original poster
Blankspace4 · 17/08/2019 16:58

Thank you @jemima232 I really appreciate that xx

OP posts:
Bobbiepin · 17/08/2019 17:01

I love babies. The floppier the better. They smell great and cuddles are the best. Toddlers are vicious and give zero fucks. We're all individual - personally I'm looking forward to my DD being 7 or so but each to their own. Good luck with IVF.

SallyWD · 17/08/2019 17:03

I'm not keen on babies and found the baby stage hard. It does go quickly though (might not feel like that in the first few months...). I became so much happier once they were over 1 despite all the toddler tantrums.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 17/08/2019 17:04

I’m with you op. Babies are cute to look at (sometimes) but they scare the shit out of me.

idril · 17/08/2019 17:05

I'm not keen on babies.

I don't find newborn babies cute at all. Once they start smiling and giggling they have their cute moments but I'm with you - give me a toddler any day.

I loved my own as babies but I didn't enjoy it really until they got older. You'll be fine.

NaviSprite · 17/08/2019 17:08

I wasn’t interested in babies at all either, I’m still not too great with them. Never had a maternal bone in my body (so I thought) and did not have the immediate ‘whoosh’ of motherly love when my twins were born. (They spent 4 months in NICU so I think my mind was trying to protect me from the fear of the possibility of them not coming home.)

Baby phase was difficult but it was surprising for me (once I had gotten them home) just how much personality they both had already. I think it is very different when they’re your own. I also have to say I’ve never met the fabled ‘born mother’ I think it’s a facade most women put on because of societal pressures - like anything else I just muddle through and do my best and so far it’s working out! Good luck OP - the baby phase does pass pretty quick in the grand scheme of things Smile

StripeySocks29 · 17/08/2019 17:10

I remember when DH and I first agreed to TTC and I had to explain to him that while he might find random children annoying he wouldn’t feel that way about his own, and he now concedes that I was right!

growlingbear · 17/08/2019 17:17

Don't worry about it. They are only babies for 12 months. Then you get eighteen years of child/tween/teen and a lifetime of adult offspring. Worth the dull bit. (FWIW I do find babies unbearably cute to look at but so boring. Least favourite part of raising a family. It just gets better and better as they grow. I pity people who think babyhood is the best bit as it's so short-lived.

Good luck with IVF.

Yogagirl123 · 17/08/2019 17:28

Wishing you lots of luck. Don’t worry OP, there is nothing like cuddles with your baby, toddlers are fun but hard work, starting school, teenagers are fab.

The stages are so different, but when they become little people with personalities they make you laugh every day.

Best thing I ever did having my two. I hope you have some happy news very soon.

TheCraicDealer · 17/08/2019 17:36

You say this now, but hopefully once you have a toddler who keeps clambering off your knee to go and explore you'll look back fondly on the baby stage when they used to fall asleep on your chest, one pudgy cheek resting against you. It passes by in a flash.

Original poster
Blankspace4 · 17/08/2019 17:36

Thank you! Very reassured by all of the comments saying things are different with your own child. I suppose I was worried about bonding and actively trying to avoid my baby like I do all overs! I’m sure that wouldnt be the case! In fact, DH is very good with babies but struggles with young kids whereas I am the other way round. Jumping the gun a bit but shared parental leave currently looking an attractive option if successful particularly as I am the higher earner by some margin. Currently got my nose in an IVF guide and it’s all seeming very, very real!

OP posts:
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