To really not like babies...but crave a child!

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DH and I are about to undergo our first cycle of IVF after a whopping 6 years of infertility. I’m not sure whether I’ve become resilient and as a defence mechanism convinced myself of this - but I really really DONT like babies.

I don’t feel maternal at all, I actively avoid friends babies and feel awkward and downright scared holding them, their cries drive me mad and I in no way find them ‘cute’. Everyone else seems to coo and find them adorable and this worries me!

Children - toddler upwards - another story. I like them and am great with them.

But the baby phase is worrying me and making me worry I’m not a born mother.

Keep in mind that instant overwhelming rush of love doesn't always happen. In fact most mothers I know say it didnt happen to them. Took a week before I looked at my daughter and felt it, and even then it was more subtle than a huge thing. I think programmes like OBEM are damaging in the way they portray that moment.

Don’t panic if things don’t ‘feel different with your own child’ — taking months to bond is not unusual. I hated the baby stage, but everything since has been wonderful. I’ve never cooed over a pram in my life.

I know this is 'off topic' but my 'adopted 7 year old to be' has been with us 10 days. Less cute baby more ball of activity..

Just thought I would share that!

I'm utterly indifferent to babies, yet was (and remain actually!) very fond of my own

To this day I can count the number of small babies I have held on one hand, and I've managed to navigate motherhood with few dilemmas (I actually had to borrow a baby to practice holding before DS was born as I realised I'd never actually held one before )

The only thing I would say is that I've never really experienced those "my baby is growing up" pangs, as I've enjoyed every age more than the last.

Hi OP,

It sounds like loads of people feel this way. I actually loved seeing other people's babies as a teen/young adult and babysat etc. but in the last few years (I'm single, in my 30s) I've found myself a lot less fussed with them!!

However I have a toddler in my family (not mine) and they're the best thing ever and I'd love to be a Mum if I ever get a chance- I hope I'd love my own baby!

I have never cared for babies at all. But my DD is the best baby in the world and not like all the other babies

Honestly, I hadn't even held a baby in about six years before getting pregnant and even then it has been reluctantly. But DD is the light of my life and brings me so much joy, I don't really think of her as 'a baby'. Obviously she is one but it's hard to explain. She's just not like the rest

Also DP had never held a baby in his life and thought he was going to be awful. But in the hospital it turned out he was a total natural - he was way more confident with her than I was at first. I felt really awkward but he seemed quite at home scooping her up and carrying her around, and seemed to just 'get it'. It's just a really weird thing!

I was never a big fan of babies, don’t get the “newborn smell” that some people go nuts over. After I had DD my opinion was much the same. She was so much more interesting once we could interact a bit, play games etc. I also didn’t have a big whoosh of love initially, and I worried about that a lot - but for me it’s been so much more gradual. Now expecting DC2 and I won’t worry at all if the baby stage is the same and just a bit dull to me. It’s a very small bit of the parenting picture!

I never liked the whole new born breakable baby bit and the slightest hint of a tear in anyone whose never been to school gets directed back to their parents

It really is different when it’s yours though.

Word of advice though, don’t put massive pressure on yourself to be grateful and enjoy every moment if your IVF is successful (and I have my fingers crossed for you). I never did IVF but dd took yearsto conceive and it was a bumpy journey that threw up other issues. When I had her people kept banging on about how pleased I must be blah, blah, blah. Of course I was but I was also hormonal and shellshocked with a baby that did nothing the way all the books said. Her first year was lovely but so, so hard and unfortunately DP was the worst for the whole mindset of ‘this is what you wanted why are you moaning about it now’.

You don’t have to be in a constant state of thankfulness. It’s bloody tough and literally nothing can prepare you for living it. I’ve no idea what it’s like to run a marathon but I’m convinced of the fact it’s hard and would happily offer sympathies for the runners blisters even though they actively sought them!

My husband is the same he's made it clear he's not into the baby stage and is having kids for when they grow up to be teens/adults.

I don't see the issue with it, as another poster said it's worrying when people like the baby stage but not the grown up stage as it's short lived!

The baby stage is really short and they are asleep for half the time anyway. And it is different with your own children. I love babies and toddler but don’t like older toddlers/children at all. I still love mine. It’s not as good as when they were smaller of course but it’s not the same kind of torture as being around other people’s children.

Babies are just a temporary phase. And it is different when they are your own, honestly.

I love babies always have. Quite frankly I think there is not much better than newborn cuddles and breathing in that lovely newborn smell before all the vomit and poo comes into the equation. My two are toddlers and I find this stage harder but no less fun. I like kids till the age of about 7, before they reach the bratty stage and then hopefully come out of it at 18. However, I am looking forward to all the stages I go through with my two and hopefully will enjoy it all the same because they are mine. I think you just have more tolerance for your own children than others.