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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about this wedding invitation?

30 replies

Seffy1528 · 17/08/2019 00:29

So about a month ago I got a wedding invitation from my oldest friend's daughter. She was my bridesmaid at my wedding and as a family I've always thought we were close (buying each others kids xmas presents etc). There was a bit of drama at my wedding cos I didnt invite her boyfriend at the time (although to be fair I didnt know he existed and 5 months later she was pregnant by another bloke so make of that what you will). He came anyway which was a bit of a cheek but I just accepted it. However I've now received an invitation to her wedding which is just for me. My husband and daughter (both of whom she knows) have not been included. So what do I do? I've had texts from her bridesmaid about the hen do so I'm guessing she wants me there - it just feels incredibly insulting that she hasn't invited my husband at least. It's out of town so would be a trek but even worse on my own. I get people try to save money on weddings but seriously? Genuinely not sure if i should refuse or just go to the wedding then ditch the reception. Some other girls have been invited but they're all single so dont have this issue.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 17/08/2019 00:31

Do you know how big the wedding is? Maybe limited to numbers

nameonhat · 17/08/2019 00:39

mmm I'd not be happy about this as a spouse should usually always be invited unless you are inviting a gang from work. TBH I'd just pair up with the sinhle women-are you friends with them?Yea pair up and go with them, it's not ideal but people are funny.

BTW when did you get married? Was your friend or her daughter your briedsmaid? I'm a bit confused as you refer to 'she' alot but I don't know who 'she' is.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 17/08/2019 00:42

It could be a dig from you not asking or it could be that she is just inviting you as the daughter of her mate ie you are with your mum/ family so don’t need the company of your family. Realistically your daughter adds to your experience not hers.
I invited family groups and literally didn’t think about the youngest ones partners until it was mentioned ( they were invited straightaway)/We had a limited guest list so my focus was those people I had history with.
So I would ask. Hopefuly she will explain and you can decide if she is being a twat or not.

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 17/08/2019 00:45

So what? Just turn up with your DH and kids in tow. She obviously thinks it's fine to do that so why shouldn't you?

honeyrider · 17/08/2019 01:05

It's an invitation not a summons so if you don't want to go without your DH then don't go.

dustarr73 · 17/08/2019 01:10

I would read it as a" like for like" invitation.

So either say yes or no.Dont give her the satisfaction of knowing it bothers you.

VenusTiger · 17/08/2019 02:01

She brought her bf along. Take your DH. If anyone says anything, say you come as a couple - it’s not like she doesn’t know as she was your bridesmaid fgs.
Both go.

MyKingdomForBrie · 17/08/2019 02:07

She's making a point. I'd rise above and go alone as if you're perfectly happy about it. Be classy.

Original poster
Seffy1528 · 17/08/2019 08:58

Okay bit of context. The current bride was my bridesmaid. However prior to my wedding over 10 years ago I found out that her mum was saying things about me to my other friends - basically that I was a bad person and trying to persuade them not to come to my wedding. I never found out why and it didnt work but it got to a point where now my parents (who thought of her as a daughter) want nothing to do with her. I dont trust her anymore and can pretty much guarantee shes the one behind this invitation in a tit for tat way. It's not a works group thing . I don't have a major problem with my daughter not being invited and tbh DH probably would have had to look after her so couldn't go in any case it's the principle. Plus we're back from holiday the day before so the timing isn't ideal. Feel like I'll be making a real effort just to go and potentially upsetting people whatever I do. Angry I've been put in this situation.

OP posts:
Letthemysterybe · 17/08/2019 09:01

Angry I've been put in this situation.

Seems like an overreaction.

Clangus00 · 17/08/2019 09:02

I would rsvp saying sorry WE can’t attend & leave it at that.
She’s making a point and being a cow.

Trafalger · 17/08/2019 09:16

I wouldnt go. Just politely decline.

AGenericUsername · 17/08/2019 09:17

I would decline the invite and send her a card.
I would send the RSVP from the 3 of us though. "Dear bride thank you for thinking of us and inviting us to your wedding but unfortunately we are unable to attend. We hope you enjoy your special day. Best wishes saffy, DH & dd"
Or something along those lines!

Fluffycloudland77 · 17/08/2019 09:24

I just wouldn’t go. I’d send a card but no present.

LagunaBubbles · 17/08/2019 09:27

So your oldest friend tried to stop people coming to your wedding? Why on earth did she do that, that's not the actions of a friend!

NerrSnerr · 17/08/2019 09:36

Angry I've been put in this situation.

It's not really a situation worth worrying about. If you want to go then go. If you don't, then don't.

CherryPavlova · 17/08/2019 09:40

I think AGenericUsername has it perfectly. It’s incredibly rude not to invite a spouse; almost beyond rude and somewhat weird.

The suggestion of wording is perfect.

Medievalist · 17/08/2019 09:41

So your oldest friend isn't in fact a friend at all and her dd is being bitchy towards you? What's the issue? Just don't go 🤷‍♀️. Or have I misunderstood?

hidinginthenightgarden · 17/08/2019 09:42

You are angry you have been put in a situation that would have turned out that way even if she HAD invited your DH???

I don't have a major problem with my daughter not being invited and tbh DH probably would have had to look after her so couldn't go in any case it's the principle.

Honestly I think you are looking for drama!

Bluntness100 · 17/08/2019 09:47

Seems a bit of an over reaction. You did it to her happily. So reasonable for her to think you're ok with that kind of thing, no?

I don't believe for s moment you didn't know your own bridesmaid had a boyfriend and there was clearly discussion at the time.

Bluntness100 · 17/08/2019 09:49

If your husband and daughter wouldn't have gone anyway what exactly is going to make people angry?

Are you just some mad drama llama?

RandomMess · 17/08/2019 09:54

It's an invitation not a summons, decline as it clashes it with your holiday plans.

BrokenWing · 17/08/2019 10:07

Accept or decline. No need for this drama and certainly no need for anger 🤷‍♀️

Her being your bridesmaid 10 years ago as a, I assume, very young woman or even a child is irrelevant, you asked her only because of your friendship with her mum.

You are the brides mums friend, not exactly close, no one is going to miss you if you don't go.

MyOtherProfile · 17/08/2019 10:09

There's always so many reasons behind who gets invited. Sounds like it isn't really an ongoing relationship these days so I would dob out, saying it clashes with your holiday or something. Or give no reason but be breezy and friendly.

TregunaMekoides · 17/08/2019 10:15

So she was your bridesmaid ten years ago. You and her mum obviously don't really get on that well if she was being unkind about you. I mean, I'm surprised you were invited at all. Unless you are still very close now which it doesn't sound like you are. I would imagine there are limited numbers, you were invited as a token because she still cares about you but you're not close enough to the family to spend precious space on your DH.
Personally I think I'd send a nice thanks but no thanks RSVP wishing them all the best and be done with it.