A bit sad? Child meeting new 'dad'

[Ribrabrob]

A relative of mine has 3 children by 3 different fathers (this is relevant. I'm not judging even though it may sound like I am). She has recently been seeing somebody new and posted on social media a picture her daughter aged 8 drew. It was a drawing of her (the Mum) and the new boyfriend with a caption reading 'will you be our new daddy?'. Apparently this is the first thing the daughter asked the guy when he met the children, which was around a month after they met.

Aibu in thinking this is just a little bit sad? I understand that relationships fail and your children having different fathers certainly isn't the end of the world, but am I wrong to just find it strange that this should be the child's first thought when meeting a new man? . And that, of course, this could well be a reflection of her own father's (not the best) parenting.

That is sad, it sounds like either that poor child is desperate for a dad, or is used to having "new daddy's" come into their life.

I see this all the time and it's fucking horrific.

Awful, YANBU

He met the kids after a month? Way too soon IMO

Ah that’s not fair. Why are so many women eager to take on a new ‘daddy’? Their poor kids.

That’s dreadful

I'm judging, and it sounds appalling.

It's Friday night.

That’s piss poor.
I have a friend who’s children referred to - one of her now ex’s - as Daddy ‘James’ (I changed the name). Their dad was alive and well. Always made me

A distant friend of mine's children have had three 'dads' - real dad, next long term partner of approx 3 years (who is only a dad of one of them) and the new bloke she married 6 months after meeting him.

She genuinley seems to panic when she's single, I really worry for her and the kids as they don't have a lot of family relationships for various reasons but she cuts out people that bring it up so makes her own pool even smaller.

If this is real it’s sad that’s the mum wants to post this.
Children think all sorts of stuff but why the mum thinks this is acceptable to post is beyond me.

That’s is so sad. It’s even sadder than mum could not see what is so very wrong about it.

It's not just sad, it's totally irresponsible of her. Poor kids.

The DC just doesn't know any different and I'd guess the mum is referring to her dp's as dad/daddy.

It's not a popular opinion on MN but 3 DC to 3 different men is too chaotic for anyone.

I taught at quite a rough school once where this sort of thing happened regularly. One of the children bought in their holiday snaps to share with the class featuring their ‘new dad’, another child in the class gave them a once over, gestured to ‘new dad’ in one of the photos and declared ‘I’ve had him, he’s crap’

It's bloody awful.

I know a woman who does this (( family member unfortunately)) within weeks virtual strangers are dad's and playing dad roles. Inevitably there's a baby, at some point they split usually because she's got bored as she 'likes the thrill of the chase ' as she puts it and she goes to every length to block contact. For no reason other than spite. She freely admits this.

I judge, massively. 5 kids and they're all confused as hell. I judge the men as well for getting involved in such a fucked up situation but barring one theyve all been good, involved dad's until the next one rolls in 🙄

I have been asked about my kids because I had two close together then another five years later and a surprise after six years. People ask which I find a bit rude however I had two miscarriages between as well and possibly a third missed one. They are all to my husband which seems to surprise them.

I don’t think a month is long enough to know anyone and people should wait longer which is not easy when you are a single parent but you do need to consider the kids.

I’ve only recently introduced my DD8 to my boyfriend of a year. I wouldn’t have contemplated it before then.

She has a Dad who is very active in her life, so doesn’t need a replacement though. Does your friend’s daughter not have her Dad as part of her life?

OK, sometimes the actual dad is either dead or not in contact (either because he doesn't care, or because he's so abusive contact is not appropriate), in which case a subsequentlongterm partner of the mum might reasonably be called dad or perhaps Daddy[name]. Or, even if bio-dad is still around, calling someone who has taken on the role of actual stepfather 'Daddy[name] is fair enough.

But, while I absolutely don't think that single mums should never date or have sex, I'm in favour of either keeping the new bloke apart from the DC or, if he's more than a FWB or one-night stand, just referring to him as 'Mum's friend'.

@thegreenlight WOW

I see this quite a lot (professionally) and it can have such an impact on children. They often have an absent father and their dm has had more children with subsequent partners who haven't hung around either. Some children really miss their father (or the perceived person that he may be) and often girls become involved with older men in a bid to have a father figure in their lives.

I have a friend who says to her 8 yr old as she has always done: “I’m going to a party with my friends to find you a new daddy. You’d like that wouldn’t you? It will make us all happy!” And similar along those lines.

It infuriates me.

My pair are from separate relationships. One is happy and secure in herself and knows her father loves her. She has never sought out a father figure because she does on her own, very lovely father. My other one experienced DV until all kinds of contact were stopped and she's been so much happier since, but now, years later, she's obsessed with my partner (we all live together, own our home together) and I know he will be there for her but I still worry she will have inappropriate relationships when she reaches that sort of age, because she was always jealous her sibling went to see her dad (who she always liked a lot) and she would latch on to any friends of mine, particularly male ones. I try and think about it from her point of view as a child, how it must feel when other people have daddies and you don't. I'm glad she has my partner now. And my eldest has probably got a better bond with him than I do, too.

I'm shocked that anyone would say to their kid that they were going out to look for their new daddy - all the nopes there. My kiddy has trauma issues from the DV and that's the last sort of thing I'd have ever said to her.

why is it a judgement on the mum?!?
I used to say that to my mums new partners (2 in 15 years) because my dad was a useless waste of skin, but let’s not judge the crap men out there, let’s make it all about the parent who actually sticks around

I know more than one child in different families who believed that the adult male in the house was their father, and that they were full siblings to the other children, and only found out this was not the case when the man left as they were only having contact with their biological child/ren.