Hand hold please

[Amioverreacting123]

My dp has struggled with drug and alcohol issues and has done so well staying clean and dry up until tonight. I’m pregnant - nearly 6 months. Due to move into a new house with him at the end of the month. Paid off a load of his drinking debts and now after a argument over the phone about him socialising and not coming home I’ve thrown my phone at the floor and it’s bounced up and hit the tv and broke it. More expense.
Can someone give me a hug I don’t want this life.

handhold here x

How long has he been clean here? What's triggered the relapse?

Had a terrible day st work some guys have made light hearted comments about my weight when I’m sensitive about it at the minute

He’s got his old job back and has met his old work mates for a drink. Knew this would happen. I really don’t want my baby born into this because I know how bad it can get

Is he mentally ok and his workmates are bad influences?

If so, I honestly think tomorrow when he's sober you need to have a serious conversation. I wouldn't normally suggest the 'pick me' dance but this will come down to a serious ultimatum - he needs to sort his priorities. It's either his friends and his addiction, or you and your beautiful baby.

His work mates have sided with him saying they can’t believe I’m acting like this. They haven’t lived through what I have and no wonder I’m terrified about it going back to how it was because at times it’s suffocating.

Now I’ve ‘smashed up’ the tv. No it was an accident and I paid for the tv anyway so it’s not like he’s out of pocket. Seriously annoyed about that.

Calmed down a bit now but just told him we need to have a serious conversation. He’s not bothered

Am I over reacting? Is he just having a few drinks with some friends or am I being gas lighted?

You're not overreacting. Don't let him tell you you are. Don't let his friends tell you you are.

Don't contact him until he's sober & when he is, have that conversation.

You are not at fault. You're right for wanting to bring a child into a healthy family.

How long has he been sober?

Was his intention to remain sober? Or to try and be a restricted drinker?

You say you are moving to a new house but do you live together now?

Even if he did come home after a few and continue (his version of) sobriety, could you ever fully trust him?

I don't think you're overreacting. Ticks the gaslighting box.

You're not overreacting, and you should reconsider the house move. If he's going to be working with his old mates, he's going to go back to drinking, because they'll be egging him on every day. They'll be telling him you're controlling, and trying to stop him having fun.

I’m just so fucked off with it all. He’s been making real progress going to aa meeting and doing self help therapy. Of course I knew that he would relapse and I did have an idea this would happen moving back to his old job albeit really didn’t think it would be this soon. Heart broken really. He’s now saying he’s sat with a girl he doesn’t know telling her about his relationship problems. It’s like he’s trying to wind me up. Yes seriously reconsidering him moving with me. Considering leaving him the broken tv too!

Are you buying the new house together or can you stall the moving in together thing?

Why would he tell you he's sat with a girl he doesn't know and talking to her about you?

Tell him to fuck off OP.

Block him until tomorrow. All you will get is drunken rambling and goading.

What is the housing situation? Renting or buying?

Oh, and I agree with blocking him tonight.

If you are not already living with him don't move in with him. You don't want this life so don't go ahead with your current plans. It could take years for you to trust he won't relapse again (that's if he even bothers to stop drinking after this relapse) and you will be wondering and worrying every time he's out with friends, late home etc. It's not a life anyone should have to suck up so think hard about your future and your baby's future. Agree to block his number or turn off phone for tonight.

Do you have insurance for the telly?
It sounds perhaps as though he is showing you he can do things without your permission...perhaps he feels guilty about the debts and doesn’t like being beholden so is showing you you don’t ‘own’ him

Bloody hell OP

Nothing you've said sounds in any way good.

You're pregnant. He is an alcoholic. He has debt which you paid off.

He has relapsed and not come home. And you're getting shit for it. And he is punishing you by gloating about how hes telling another girl a load of shit about his relationship problems, which I bet he neglected to tell her are mainly caused by him spending cash on his addiction rather than saving for his new baby or supporting the mother in any way whatsoever.

Please don't move in with him. I am sorry but I really cant see this ending well. If a change of job can derail him, having a baby which is the most stressful thing a person can do, could finish him off

It’s renting and it’s all in my name so I’ll always have security and this was one of the reasons why I wanted it in my name as a safety net.

Not going to bother messaging him anymore he’s not bothered and he’s drunk so let him have his good time. He’s messaged saying he knows he’s messed up but why not come home? Before it gets even worse. Have a feeling he will be on drugs tonight as well. Full wage in his account which will be blitzed in the name of a good time.

What even do I say to him tomorrow? I don’t know what to do? Planning on going out for the day - somewhere, anywhere so I don’t have to be around him.

Probably because he knows he's already done the damage so 'making the most of it'.

When he started his recovery he was adamant he wasn’t an alcoholic but he’s proved to himself that he is and he can’t just have a one or a few. Tomorrow it will be my fault for asking him to come home as clearly 4 hours drinking isn’t enough and I’m putting a dampener on his good time.

I’ve never said anything about paying the debts, I know he felt shit about it as he said if it wasn’t for him doing that we would have this money to buy things for our home bla bla bla and I did sympathise with him because I thought he had turned a corner. Never said it’s MY money. It’s ours and if I needed to I know he would give to me so don’t think he thinks I own him.

You have hit the nail right on the head there.

I'm sorry you are going through this OP, I've been there with my ex. Don't move in with him.

I’ve got myself into this situation. I’ve left my house to move into a new place with us together, new life, fresh start. Just gutted really.

Wish I could put a block on his bank accounts because that’s what is annoying me more than anything - spunking money for our new start on drink! But I guess it’s all over now anyway. Just had to lie to my sister about what’s happened because I don’t want her to think badly of him.