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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be angry with husband?

67 replies

TeaMe · 16/08/2019 09:44

He used sensitive toothpaste on 22 month old. He was trying to help. I've specifically told him in the past that standard adult toothpaste is ok but not whitening or sensitive. What could the effects be? Am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:

AudacityOfHope · 16/08/2019 12:39

There's nothing wrong with routine, but getting this het up about toothpaste isn't normal.

You are just one of your sons parents. Not the best one or the main one, or the one who is in charge because they have done (dubious) research Googling

If you don't back off you'll be lucky if he stays involved at all.

booboo82 · 16/08/2019 12:40

you researched parenting ??? wtaf 😂😂😂

Nanny0gg · 16/08/2019 12:43

you researched parenting ??? wtaf

Lots of parents do read the odd book about childcare.

Dr Spock and Penelope Leach in my day.

Fluffyunicorns · 16/08/2019 12:44

I was told by my dentist not to use adult toothpaste at all. As far as I understand the fluoride is too high - if they swallow it the high levels can cause the adult teeth to have brown staining/patches.
Happy to be told I am wrong though

pelirocco123 · 16/08/2019 12:45

eaMe Fri 16-Aug-19 09:59:58
@thewernethwife whenever he parents, it's not how I would do it so it's annoying. I'm the one who has done research into parenting and how to do things.

Its not all about you OP , you are both parents

Children in parts of this world survive the most awful conditions , your husband is perfectly capable of bringing up his child , you are being far too controlling

Wonderland18 · 16/08/2019 12:51

Yeah I’d ease up a bit on him, a thanks for the effort but next time can you use the LO’s toothpaste.
If your DH isn’t home much I’m guessing he’s out earning for you guys so the little time he gets with his child he should get to enjoy without feeling scrutinised

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/08/2019 12:52

Why do you feel the need to undermine him. What is he doing that is so wrong? Carry on like that and he will be parenting his way 50% of the time.

EerieSilence · 16/08/2019 12:56

I'm the one who has done research into parenting and how to do things.

Sorry, but this just made me LOL. I only have one child and I'm not that oversensitive and certainly wouldn't go overboard because of that.

Dotty1970 · 16/08/2019 12:59

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 16/08/2019 13:06

I know it's hard when they are away a lot and you have your own routines, but you have to step back and allow him to be a parent in his own right. He will do some things differently to you but that's ok.

As for the toothpaste - just ask him to use the correct toothpaste in future, explain why, and then let it go. Your DC will be fine.

Raspberrytruffle · 16/08/2019 13:10

I'm sure your DC will be fine and there teeth wont fall out because your dh used the incorrect toothpaste, calm down luv theres worse things in life to be pissed of at

SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2019 13:10

but if not raised and he decides to brush her teeth every day, then surely that’s not good? soopgoes and buys some baby tooth paste, problem solved. I say op cos presumably do can't be trusted to not a rew up like he's apparently doing every day.

OP do you even want to be IN a relationship with someoen you have so little respect for?

Woodward12 · 16/08/2019 13:39

Researching parenting isn't that hilarious or sneer inducing. There's loads you don't know until you have your first baby that's pretty important to know, and it's one way of finding out!

AudacityOfHope · 16/08/2019 13:46

@Fluffyunicorns we were told that the latest recommendation is to use adult toothpaste from an early age, not the kid stuff.

Proof, OP, that research isn't as useful as you'd think.

Mishappening · 16/08/2019 13:53

whenever he parents, it's not how I would do it so it's annoying - your child has TWO parents. Do not assume that you will call the shots all the time. This is a shared enterprise. And do not assume that you are always right.

Our children used to have a Daddy Day every week - I was at work and he was on his day off. I have no idea exactly what happened on that day - and no desire to know. His day, his rules.

We had a sense of shared values about the upbringing of the children; but apart from that I was happy for him to do things his way when he was in charge. And when we were both there, sometimes he would do things a different way to me - I just let it wash by, unless active danger was involved.

You need to back off now before you cause a lot of trouble.

It does children no harm to know that different people have different ideas or do things in a different way. It helps them to learn tolerance and flexibility - maybe these are two lessons that you might learn!!!

BishopofBathandWells · 16/08/2019 14:32

I kind of get it OP - I'm much stricter about routine than DP and do 95% of the childcare, but even I wouldn't get annoyed by the wrong toothpaste going on. Pointing it out for the future would suffice.

DP and I parent very differently and it does get on my nerves but you know what? I just don't look at it happening anymore, so I can't get annoyed.

brimfullofasha · 16/08/2019 14:49

I remember feeling like this with DS1. I had read up about babies and I had established ways of doing things that worked through trial and error. I felt like I couldn't trust him to follow through with the way things were done. I was given some good advice to relax and let him work out his own ways of doing things. They might be different from mine but they could still work.

I know this is slightly off topic from your OP but yes, I think YABU.

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