Neighbour walked straight through my house to tell my builder off

[rainandshine52]

We moved in to this house 2 years ago. Our neighbours have been lovely. They are younger than us with 2 small kids. My DD babysits from time to time. I am friendly with her but have realised she has 'an edge' to her. Last summer my DD was looking after their house and when they returned she came round and asked us if DD has eaten anything from the freezer as she had noticed some food had defrosted. DD was adamant she hadn't but I did explain there had been a brief power cut. She did not seem convinced and I 100% trusted my DD. Last week I was working from home and was upstairs. I heard footsteps across my hall and some words being exchanged. I can downstairs and my neighbour had walked through my house to find my builder to tell him off because he had parked about 10 inches over her drive. I said 'is everything alright?' She said 'yes it is now' and left. I feel a bit pissed off that she did not ring the bell and ask me if she could enter my house!

I seriously think you should step away from the neighbour.

She is starting to blur boundaries and has started to get a bit nasty with your DD so time to distance the relationship before she gets on really CF’er territory and the neighbourly relations are ruined completely (which you would have to declare when selling if it got really bad!)

Close door and make sure she can’t just wonder in. No more babysitting, brief hello lovely weather if you see her but otherwise no contact would be my advice. Do not get drawn into drama.

I wouldn't let your dd babysit again and would keep a distance. Say hi but dont engage in chat beyond that. Next time you go away don't leave your keys with them and maybe they will get the hint and not leave theirs with you. It sounds very much like she is the type that would go in all guns blazing. So I would tone down your relationship in the future. Going forward ask your builder to be more mindful of your neighbours, avoid their drive and working at unsocial times so she has less to complain about. I wouldn't like anyone walking into my house without at least giving me a shout first.

The builder was doing a minor fireplace job in our dining room. No external work at all. He parked only the one time like that. He was only here 2 days.

I said 'is everything alright?'

Why didn't you just say 'What on earth are you doing coming into my house?'. She's a bolshy baggage and you're being a pushover. Stand up for yourself.

Yes you're right. I was quite shocked. I thought at first there was an emergency but only when she left and I asked the builder did I find out it was to do with parking.

Honestly I thought I had escaped mental neighbours when we moved only to find I have landed next to another!

Following these incidents I am becoming more and more reluctant to help as I feel she could get quite funny

Give the keys back if your neighbour is still about.

She's more than a CF - she's dangerous. Accusing your DD of eating food out of her freezer (I mean - WTF?). This could get much worse. If she misplaces something, she will accuse you and your family; if there is a mark on the wall she didn't notice before, she will accuse you and your family; if she thinks something was in one cupboard/ drawer and finds it in another (especially if it's an upstairs cupboard/ drawer), she will accuse you and your family.

As you can't prove a negative (ie, you can't prove you didn't do it), you will be in a position where she will never believe you - especially as she already seems to assume that people are taking advantage.

It's not worth it.

Are you expected to go into her house while she's away to check on things, water plants? I wouldn't do it after she accused your dd of theft - ffs what teen would raid someone's freezer? Did she ask if you would check the house before dropping off the keys this time? If so then I suppose you may as well do it, but if not I'd be tempted to text her and ask her if she has anyone else who can check on the house as you are not in a position to do it anymore. Next time they're away don't accept the keys.

I think you have to be aware that when you are having work done it massively effects your neighbours. There is no way to make a building site a clean, tidy, silent area. She's probably putting up with quite a lot of incursions over her own boundaries right now, by virtue of the work you are having done.

At no point has the building work caused anyone to walk into her house without knocking and massively invade her privacy, though, so she can still fuck off.

If a neighbour's building work is causing some inconvenience that you want to address, you go round and KNOCK ON THE DOOR and have a conversation with your neighbour and/or their builder. You don't march in through their front door and through their house without asking because that's totally unacceptable. It doesn't matter what her problem was: you absolutely do not walk into and around someone else's house uninvited. There are no excuses for that.

Difficult one really, you don't really want to fall out with your neighbours, even if are idiots, but I have to agree with some of the others I would definitely keep my distance.
She already feels she can walk into your house and chose to confront you after you were kind enough to look after their house.
Nice use of the word 'edge' by the way

Why are you taking charge of her house while she’s away? You’ll get the blame if anything untoward happens. Hand them back and tell her there’s been a change of plan.

Not especially relevant, but "as she had noticed some food had defrosted. DD was adamant she hadn't but I did explain there had been a brief power cut."

Food usually stays frozen for hours if you keep a freezer door shut during a power cut. Unless your "brief" meant "several brief days" as opposed to a couple of hours, then wtf was she on about?

It is rude stepping into someone’s house without knocking, particularly so when you know the owner is in. I would tell her to please knock next time and set those boundaries. Good luck!

Well, you MUST now do the same to her OP. Wait til the evening, when they're all sitting watching telly....then walk straight in with a detached expression ....look around, scratch your head and say you've lost something. In and out.....no words of hello or goodbye.
She'll know what it's about.

Yes why is she handing over the keys?

I’d let it go, but have a chat with the builder. builders are bloody annoying and she was pissed off - it may not be the first time the builder has annoyed her, have you had builders in for a while? She should not come in your house though.

Builder was here 2 days. I was here too. All work was internal. As far as I could see the only annoyance could have been he parked about 10 inches over her drive.

Have you had other work done though?

I agree that it was CF'ery of her but I'm confused about the point of the post - it's happened and it doesn't sound like you have any plans to speak with her about it. Your moment to make your feelings clear were when she was stood in your hall, or very shortly afterwards when you had the opportunity to follow her outside and ask her what she thought she was doing. You even had an opportunity to bring it up when she handed you keys to her home, something along the lines of "I'm sorry but after the way you entered my home yesterday without invite has really rankled me and I don't feel comfortable taking on the responsibility of watching your house anymore".

People only do what you let them get away with!

Sounds like the affects of anxiety. But she should have knocked. I would keep your doors locked in future ask the builders too if that's possible

She's testing your boundaries and has quite obviously found them lacking.

Her disrespect will only escalate unless you put a stop to this now.

I'd have a word with her. I'd say "I want to tell you something. Last week, you came into my house without knocking and that's not ok. Don't do it again"

Then don't say anything else. Just look at her.

She'll either bluster or act aggressive. Don't respond apart to say "Nothing else to add...just dont ever do it again"

And then walk away.

YANBU. My neighbour did something similar, to confront someone we had visiting about something else entirely, in a rage. Shouting and threats all in my own home to this person. Really not happy about it to this day.

Find an excuse to give back the keys. She's dangerous.

There is little to be gained and a lot to lose by arguing with her. Be polite but keep your distance in future.

I agree with lovelookslikethis.

The fact she is so paranoid to think your daughter stole food from her freezer and did not accept your honest and verifiable explanation would suggest that it’s prudent to keep your daughter away from such an ungrateful mare