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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me or my neighbour?

77 replies

MonstranceClock · 15/08/2019 21:34

Had an argument with my neighbour this afternoon about my music. She came over to complain about my music, I had the iPad on whilst cleaning my kitchen. I said I was sorry, I would turn it down (it's not that loud, just an iPad).

She then said, is not the loudness of the music, it's the actual music she doesn't like. As in, I could have it as loud as I like, as long as she likes the song.
I told her she couldn't dictate to me what kind of music I listened to, even if it wasn't to her taste.

She thinks I'm being a bitch, but I think she's being a cock.

Who is unreasonable?

OP posts:
EstuaryBird · 15/08/2019 22:44

Well OP, I have to say that if you lived next to me and had the effrontery to play Heavy Metal on your iPad I’d be straight round to have a word. Get it on a decent set of speakers and turn it up to 11 or we’ll be falling out x

Cherrysoup · 15/08/2019 22:47

You were both being unreasonable. You shouldn't be playing m usic s I loudly that your neighbour can hear it-put on headphones. Your neighbour is batshit for thinking she can dictate what you listen to.

kaldefotter · 15/08/2019 22:49

Oof. Heavy metal, played through an iPad, then heard through a wall, would be pretty unbearable for an awful lot of people.

Be kind to your neighbour. Use headphones, and then you can play what you like, as loud as you like.

MyOtherProfile · 15/08/2019 22:50

Heavy metal loud enough for your neighbour to know what it is? YABU I'm afraid. But so is she expecting you to change your taste. So I would say just turn the volume down a bit so she can't tell what it is.

RingPiece · 15/08/2019 22:54

Neighbour was rude to have a dig at your music taste. Perhaps it was a little loud though but depends where you live. Here, in London, on a summer's afternoon, I can hear around six different people's music blasting from their kitchens...windows open, lots of people....

ItsWitchingTime · 15/08/2019 22:56

Yes, be kind to your neighbour and listen to the top 40 op, didn't you know anything other than that is garbage😑

For what it's worth I agree with @EstuaryBird

FabLaura · 15/08/2019 22:58

Playing music loud enough for a neighbour to hear is rude. Have consideration for others. If you want to make noise, buy a house in the middle of no where

Saladd0dger · 15/08/2019 23:05

Turn it up OP then you can’t hear her complain

tatasa · 15/08/2019 23:17

As a mother of a son who loves his heavy metal, I'm with ur neighbor. However, goes both ways, she should curb her jazz. Surly u can find some common music ground?

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 15/08/2019 23:28

But the point is she wasn't complaining about the volume. I was cleaning my kitchen, the back door was open and she was stood pretty much outside my door. Of course she could hear it. I don't know if you have ever heard music play through an iPad, it's really not loud at all. If my iPad is in the kitchen, I can't hear it from my living room for example. It doesn't go through walls.

OP posts:
Original poster
MonstranceClock · 15/08/2019 23:30

I knew people would have an issue with the genre, thats why I didn't want to say. I shoudn't have to change my taste in music just because others don't like it.

OP posts:
Ncprivacy · 15/08/2019 23:31

She's being ridiculous and overly invested in your life. Id put it through the hifi that'll teach her not to complain.

ConfusedKoala · 15/08/2019 23:32

I listen to heavy metal but I’m a permanent earphones kind of gal. I dislike MC/dance style music and my neighbour plays it with her windows and doors open at full blast OR out of the car with it just parked outside the house like a very expensive stereo Hmm

I would potentially ask them to turn it down after like 11pm but I would never in a million years ask them to change what they listen to Shock

Although recently if they’ve played it stupidly late I’ve been very tempted to turn my car into a stereo and play heavy metal at 9am Smile In fact if there was no other neighbours I certainly would!

Your neighbor IBU and so is anyone judging your music taste

Doormat247 · 15/08/2019 23:36

Not too keen on your choice OP, but it's infinitely better than bloody jazz!!!

You know what to do next time her shitty music comes on - go and complain about her awful choices.

I am subjected to godawful dance music in the middle of the day from a house 3 doors away. Could do with your neighbour coming round to sort it 😄

BackforGood · 15/08/2019 23:43

She wouldn't have known what music it was, if you had been playing it at a reasonable volume. If you are playing your music loudly enough that your neighbour can hear it, then you are being unreasonable regardless of what the music is. Just turn the bloody thing down and have some consideration for others.

This ^

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 15/08/2019 23:49

I'm not turning it down. She didn't want me to turn it down, she wanted me to change the song to something she liked.

OP posts:
JorahsMistress · 16/08/2019 00:04

Heavy metal? Which band?

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 16/08/2019 00:05

Slipknots new album Grin which actually, isn't that heavy!

OP posts:
JorahsMistress · 16/08/2019 00:06

Shame it wasn't iron maiden, id be telling you to turn it up 😂

BackforGood · 16/08/2019 00:10

I'm not turning it down. She didn't want me to turn it down, she wanted me to change the song to something she liked.

Presumably she was trying to make the request in a friendler way, and it was more of an attempt at being a bit light-hearted / making a joke. Though, like with most jokes, it comes from an element of truth. Heavy metal is far more intrusive than something more "easy listening" or classical, or R&B, or reggae, for (several) example(s).

However, it goes back to the point that a considerate person doesn't play their music loud enough to disturb their neighbours.

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 16/08/2019 00:12

If she's stood outside my backdoor thats her problem. It was on iPad, so it definitely wasn't loud at all.

OP posts:
MartiniDry · 16/08/2019 00:33

Essentially your neighbour is being unreasonable but, having said that, my uncle once lived next door to a man who repeatedly played the Wombles so I suppose your neighbour would have a fair argument if you were doing the same.

fargo123 · 16/08/2019 01:11

She wouldn't have known what music it was, if you had been playing it at a reasonable volume. If you are playing your music loudly enough that your neighbour can hear it, then you are being unreasonable regardless of what the music is. Just turn the bloody thing down and have some consideration for others

This! I wouldn't care if you were playing my absolute all time favourite music, I wouldn't want to be able to hear it from my property.

Despite what you think, iPad music can still be very loud.

DaWeasleyWae · 16/08/2019 06:11

Hang on... This neighbour didn't want you to turn it down, but actually put a song on that they liked? The bloody cheek!

Personally, I think slipknot new album is rather 'light' compared to the others.. And i hate seeing that the fact that you disclosed 'heavy metal' meant people opinions changed.. Loud metal is no different to loud classical.. Though volume doesn't seem to be the issue here.

I think your neighbour is a CF. Ipads don't go loud enough to even appreciate the music, let alone be loud enough to offend anyone.. Please don't change listening to decent music for your neighbours sake, there's not that many of us left 😂

Surfskatefamily · 16/08/2019 07:09

We get similar. Us and our ndn are metalheads and are aware its not everyone's taste so are conscious of volume. Still get a little moan from one neighbour when we have it outside for a bbq.... Their music is louder (and crap) but we don't complain... Also they're constantly using power tools annoyingly.
If it's past 9am and before 10pm weekends 9pm week and a low enough volume not to be unreasonable then you are really not doing anything wrong