To be devastated my friend has ghosted me?

[Nuckyscarnation]

I moved back to the NE from London last June. I was pregnant with twins and moved home to be nearer family.

I had a friend in London who I had known for the eight years I lived there. The sort of person who you meet and they change your entire outlook on life. I genuinely love and adore her. I thought we would always be friends and that nothing could ever change that.

We went out for a meal a few days before I left. Promises of coming to visit when the babies were born etc. Stayed in touch on a regular basis right up until February this year. Our last message conversation was talking about how I was going to come to London in April to see her and how she would come up for babies christening and wouldn’t miss it for the world.

After this message I didn’t hear from her for a few weeks. Didn’t think much of it, but messaged her to see how she was. Message was delivered but not read. That has been it! No response to subsequent messages, texts and calls have gone unanswered. I got so worried that I messaged a friend of hers I know to ask if she was OK. She expressed surprise saying friend was fine. She did say she had been super stressed with uni and work, but couldn’t give an explanation as to why I was being ignored.

I am just utterly devastated It was the twins birthday party at the weekend. I sent her a Facebook invite to it and a week later she deleted her Facebook. I have obviously been deleted from her life in a similar fashion. I just feel so so sad. Has anyone else experienced similar? What did you do if so?

I just can’t believe I might never see her again. It’s breaking my heart

This happened between me and a close friend who moved back to Cananda. We can still talk. We just choose not to. It hurts too much.

She was probably hurting a lot at the start too OP and has just tried to move on.

Hurting from what though? I didn’t do anything except move due to my pregnancy I couldn’t afford to stay in London which she understood!

Because she lost her close friend, essentially. Imagine if your spouse moved to the other end of the country for a new life. Some people see close friendships as similar relationships.

But I had absolutely no choice. I couldn’t afford to stay there. I didn’t want to move. I was gutted having to leave.
I’m three hours away on the train. I haven’t moved to Australia. I had every intention of going back to visit as often as I could. If that’s genuinely her reason for ghosting me then it’s a really selfish one. I’d never do that to anyone, never mind a really close friend

I have a friend who looses contact every time she has a new partner, it upset me begin with but I now see the friendship for what it was, this sounds different from your situation though.

If she was your best friend it must be truly heartbreaking. Did she seem upset at you moving back on your last meal together ? Was she having a tough time about anything and feels deserted ? I'm just thinking what could cause it, you quite clearly did nothing wrong

It isn’t your fault, op. As Andysbestadventure says, sone people find it extremely difficult to deal with such a close friendship effectively ending. Female friendships can be very intense and if your friend has lost that, she may not have known a better way to deal with it.

She hasn’t deleted her Facebook- she’s blocked you. That’s why you can’t see her.

Close friends stay in touch through thick and thin. She wasnt a close friend

She didn't seem upset at all. She is a very intelligent woman and she understood my reasons for having to leave. She agreed it was best for me to get out of London and nearer my family.

I just don’t understand how anyone can be that cruel. Especially when she knows I’m the sort of person to be deeply hurt by such behaviour. I feel so lost over it. I’m a grown woman and should just pull myself together, but I’m struggling,

I know it's horrible but if she's been really stressed, your far away and on another path in life she hasn't got the mental energy to bridge the gap.

I'm so sorry because it really does hurt to be dumped like that. It's happened to me and to people I know. She's possibly one of those out of sight out of mind people and she doesn't want to invest in the friendship any more. It's horrible and shocking particularly when you think you'll be friends for life. Enjoy your babies, plus the family and friends who care about you.

Guessing your friend doesn't have kids? So you've not only moved far away, you've also entered a totally different stage of life to her, bringing up two babies while she's busy with uni. And you know how it is in London, the pace of life contrast. She's busy and might have had good intentions but the thought of travelling all that way to spend time with twin tots is probably not alluring. The invite The their birthday party might confirm that your idea of fun is no longer hers. It is sad when things change, but there's no need to defend yourself about how you had no choice but to move. Whether you wanted to or not, you left, and she must've needed friends close by who could continue to have the kind of relationship the two of you were enjoying. Not a more difficult, long distance friendship with someone in a different phase. It hurts but best to move on as it happens a lot and a move like that would test stronger friendships. Your life is up there now and stringing it out a couple more years wouldn't have helped as chances are you'd have drifted anyway. Seems like she's ripped the plaster off, sorry.

It's hard when friends move away, especially if it's a long journey. I have to admit I have let go of friendships where we barely see each other / it's hard work to see each other. As I'm at a very busy and sometimes stressful stage in my life and can only juggle so much. It's completely different to having a friend close by who you see regularly.

I've also had a couple of close friends move to Australia in the last 10years. I don't see the point of messaging anymore as they are not moving back anytime or even visiting and I'm not going there. So what's the point.

Do you think you might have been more invested in the friendship than she was? You love and adore her, you're deeply hurt, so lost. There's no doubting that losing a close friend can be hard, but this is all very dramatic, and I wonder if she doesn't have such strong feelings about it.

It’s not your fault at all, you are allowed to move wherever you want! It does sound like you hero worship her a bit, maybe she resents that she won’t get as much attention.
Tbh if she acts like this you have dodged a bullet. Of course it’s hurtful for you now though

It’s happened to me a few times, a very close friend dumped me when I was pregnant with my twins - she’s older and her kids are adults so I still don’t understand why and it really hurts. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it too. DH had similar from a friend once too. Would love to know why but am now accepting i will never know

I've also had a couple of close friends move to Australia in the last 10years. I don't see the point of messaging anymore as they are not moving back anytime or even visiting and I'm not going there. So what's the point

It’s 2019. You can talk to people anywhere in the world for free. Do you have so many close friendships that you can just chuck away the inconvenient ones?

I’m sure lots of people think like you but I just don’t understand it.

Feel for you op. There isn't any need to be this cruel. If she wanted to end the friendship she should have just said so and been honest, or started to limit contact. Being normal the then leaving you confused and devestated and having no idea what's gone on, isn't what a true friend would do. X

Different circumstances but the same thing has just happened to me. Hurts like hell but I'm trying to focus on my family and things I enjoy doing.

OP, I had a friend ghost me at 15 and now 18 years later it still hurts to think about! I still have no idea why. So, I feel your pain.

I would personally write her a letter and post it. Say you're worried sick and don't understand the silence but would love to hear back.

Can I say maybe there is something else going on? I had a lot happening and had lots of balls to juggle professionally and a friend was being needy. Maybe that's not about you and your friend is going through some form of stress so she had to delete FB, holding back with personal life - just a thought. We never know the full story until we know the full story.

Sounds like she's just not that interested in babies or people outside of London. It would have been nicer had she been more honest, though. I had a friend be honest when I moved far away, I could respect that.

A friend of mine did this, or at least the old fashioned version of it which was to move to Christmas and birthday cards only, no other contact. If I rang her, it was awkward and she often didn't pick up the phone. We were both busy and time went by. Like you, I had children and she didn't. Years later, I had another go at getting in touch 'properly' with a letter in her birthday card and she responded immediately and we have been close ever since. She apologised to me when we were back in touch and explained that she found it hard to be around my children as she was very envious and she had just found it too hard. Our lives had taken different paths at that point and we just needed time to get on with those for a while. She is now my closest friend. I'm telling this story to perhaps give you some hope for the future, because if you have been really close and good friends, then you might again when the times are right.

I had a friend ghost me about 14 years ago. We went out together, decorated her house with her, spent Christmas together, took her DC on day trips so she could have a break. Then one day, nothing. Didn’t know what had happened (her phone was disconnected and her home was empty, blinds open, no furniture) I spent years worrying about her. She had 2 young DC and I missed them terribly.

About 4 years ago I bumped into her on the street, she’d had MH issues and said she just had to go and cut all ties. She asked for my number which I gave. I think I was in shock and just relieved to see she was ok now. As you can guess I got no responses to my message (I only sent one).

Last year guess who sent me a friend request on Facebook?? I just ignored it. It cut me deeply and I can’t go there again. I really feel for you OP, it’s a horrible type of rejection.Took me a long time to invest in another friendship and I can’t say I’ve ever been that involved in one since.

Theres nothing that you can do but move on and forget her, she didn't think that much about you to do this. I'd just concentrate on the people who are there for you now and your children.