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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wills

46 replies

greendemons · 15/08/2019 15:30

At the moment DH and I don’t have wills so everything goes to me when he dies and it’s the same in regards to him. We have one child together, I have two from a previous relationship and he has one from a previous relationship.

My DD1 and DS from my previous relationship are both teens. DS is 14 and DD1 is 17. SD is 16.

DD2 is our child together and she is 9.

This morning DD1 and SD spoke to DH and I and they asked why we haven’t got wills as it isn’t fair as whoever dies first, their children/child will lose out. DH and I didn’t even think of it like that before. DD1 and DS aren’t going to receive anything from their father who’s a waste of space, fucked off with the other woman and is now broke. However, DSDs mum and step-dad are very wealthy: think high flying jobs, summer houses, London home, trust fund for DSD and her step dads kids. She’s set to inherit millions really.

DH and I have average wages, one small house in a cheap area, DD2 is going to be alright as DHs parents are also quite wealthy and have put very much into SDs and DD2s trust funds. However what about my children? I know DH isn’t their biological father but surely they should be treated the same as SD in his will?

AIBU to ask DH to say his half of the house and his assets are to be split equally between SD, our shared DD and my DC? And then my half would be split between all of my children? Just because SD will inherit so much more from her mums side.

OP posts:
Original poster
greendemons · 15/08/2019 15:30

Name changed as very indentifying

OP posts:
Confusedbeetle · 15/08/2019 15:32

You should definitely always have wills especially as your family is not straightforward. Go and discuss with a solicitor

Confusedbeetle · 15/08/2019 15:33

Personally I dont like favouring those who have less

IAskTooManyQuestions · 15/08/2019 15:36

I know DH isn’t their biological father but surely they should be treated the same as SD in his will?

Thats for him to decide, legally they wouldnt automatically inherit. Really it's utterly irrelevent who has wealthy (pareents or grand parents) in this scenario. Quite easily one could run off and have a fling with a much younger partner, or make a poor investment and lose the lot Dont think it couldnt happen.

AIBU to ask DH to say his half of the house and his assets are to be split equally between SD, our shared DD and my DC? And then my half would be split between all of my children? Just because SD will inherit so much more from her mums side

^^ this is so unfair - you want to favour your child above his.

Asdfghjklll · 15/08/2019 15:36

What you are suggesting does not really seem fair. And this would only apply if you buy die at same time. You need to put protection in for your own children so if you die your husband can remain in his home but does not inherit everything. Otherwise your children receiving anything is dependant on his will.
I would have thought you need to treat all children equally even though other members of the family will inherit elsewhere.
Get advice.

Vasya · 15/08/2019 15:37

You definitely need a will!

I think the issue here is that you can't guarantee what your children will inherit from other sources. What if your SD isn't given the inheritance you think she will get when her mother dies? What if all of that money is gone, or there are huge debts?

All you can do is be fair with the assets you know about - I.e. your own. So for that reason I would either split everything you and your DH own equally between all of your children, or I would split your half between your children and his half between his children.

QueenDreamer · 15/08/2019 15:39

There's recently been a case in the news - maybe DD & SD saw it....

Man and wife sadly found dead in their home (natural causes I think). They had a child each, but not together. The children went to court to determine which of them died first, as by law, with no will, first to die would pass estate to other, then second to die would pass to their child only.

If I remember it was nearly impossible to say who died first, but it was decided the man was 'likely' to have died first as he was older, therefore woman's child got the lot. I don't understand why the judge didn't just split it 50/50!

MrsDimmond · 15/08/2019 15:43

I think each parent's half should by shared by the biological children of that parent.
You can't actually make everything "equal" Your sdc have different circumstances to your dc.

Maybe your sdc's mother will need care in her old age or lose money, or spend all ...

MrsDimmond · 15/08/2019 15:46

QueenDreamer in that particular case, the daughter of the man offered to split 50 50 with her step sister. But the step sister refused. It went to court and the step sister (who wanted it all!) lost the case.
She should have accepted the 50% when offered!

MrsDimmond · 15/08/2019 15:48

Sorry I meant the woman's daughter offered her step sister 50:50!

IAskTooManyQuestions · 15/08/2019 16:03

Yes there is an order of presumed death where it is ambiguous eg if your plane crashed or your cruise ship sunk, it is presumed the elder predeceased the younger partner.

Choccyp1g · 15/08/2019 16:09

I'm glad at least one of the children was prepared to do the right thing.

Skittlenommer · 15/08/2019 16:10

However what about my children? I know DH isn’t their biological father but surely they should be treated the same as SD in his will? AIBU to ask DH to say his half of the house and his assets are to be split equally between SD, our shared DD and my DC? And then my half would be split between all of my children? Just because SD will inherit so much more from her mums side

Yes, that would be massively unreasonable of you to ask. That’s life! They’re not his children!

Choccyp1g · 15/08/2019 16:10

Though really you'd need to look at the details, how long they had been married, how much capital they brought to the marriage etc.

WhyBirdStop · 15/08/2019 16:12

I don't think you can favour the one who may inherit less, they may marry a millionaire or become one in their own right. The relatives with money might lose our all our use it posting for care fees. It should all be equal.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 15/08/2019 16:17

Easy 4 children so equal split 4 ways.
Disregard everything else as it is completely irrelevant what other people could possibly leave in their wills.

AdelaideK · 15/08/2019 16:22

I don't think it's fair to favour your children above his.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 15/08/2019 16:39

Please make wills. So many threads here from people who've lost out to step family because their parent died first and step parent either didn't make a will so their family inherited default or they left the whole shebang to their own family. Leave each other a life interest in the property, maybe, so that the surviving spouse has a home but on their death house is divided between all children. See a solicitor.

GinUnicorn · 15/08/2019 16:47

I think it would be very unfair to the SD in this scenario. How do you imagine she would feel knowing she was the least thought of or least loved? I totally understand why you would feel this but her other family money isn’t guaranteed and I think all you would succeed in doing here is creating a rift between the surviving children.

HiJenny35 · 15/08/2019 16:53

No it doesn't matter who is richer. Your 50% of the house is yours and should go between your children.
50% of the house is your partners and should go between his children. Meaning that the child you have together will get double from you will as she will get yours and your husbands as it should be as she won't inherit from either of your ex partners. However this is all rather irrelevant as it's only the case if you die together, unlikely, otherwise whoever dies first will inherit it all and will need to do a new will (unless your house isn't in joint names, you are willing to have the home they live in sold or have savings that they won't need to live on). You have to hope that your partner will stick to what you decide now if you were to die first.

EileenAlanna · 15/08/2019 16:53

Need a bit more info on the house. Is it mortgaged? Is it held as joint tenants or tenants in common? If you're both joint tenants then legally the surviving spouse automatically owns the whole property. Leaving one or other's "half" in a will is meaningless in these circumstances. Either spouse's half can only be willed to someone if they're tenants in common.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 15/08/2019 16:57

No. What you are suggesting is not fair.

FloraPostIt · 15/08/2019 16:58

Either you both divide everything between your children or you each leave your half to your biological children. Your suggestion is virtually guaranteed to cause upset and pain. It's not just about the money.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 15/08/2019 16:58

I can't believe you haven't got wills. Never mind how "simple" it is if one of you dies. What happens if you both die? What happens to your children? Who looks after them?
FWIW I think you should just split everything equally. If all your children get on the I think personally it's better to maintain the status quo with their relationships than to cause some awful argument by following through with what you propose. Just split it all equally.

HiJenny35 · 15/08/2019 17:00

You could only do a life interest trust (which would guarantee your share was divided how you wanted after your death but allowed you oh to continue to live there) if you are tenants in common not joint owners of your property. I'm assuming you are joint owners as most people are.