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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just be so fucking mad!

28 replies

MoveOnMolly · 15/08/2019 12:53

At a post on Facebook when really it's nothing to do with me.

Used to be very good friends with a guy (actually lived with me and my parents for a while whilst he was having troubles when we were growing up) who I distanced myself from a few years ago because of the way he treated his child.

He had a baby when we were in early to mid 20s and basically as soon as problems started in the relationship he just stopped seeing his child, told everyone it was for the best because then they wouldn't grow up with arguing parents etc...

I've known him for a long time, he can be very selfish and I know it's because it's easier for him to walk away, nothing to do with what he thinks is best for his child.

Anyway, I distanced myself from him because I said I didn't like the way he was behaving and couldn't agree with what he'd done.

He's now not seen his child for around 3 years. I've just seen a post on Facebook that he is now having another baby with another girl he's only just met.

I'm just so fucking mad. It's none of my business I know but it's also very personal at the moment because I'm having lots of fertility issues and have experienced a few pregnancy losses which have been devastating to me and my H. So yeah I'm really fucking jealous that people like this can have children they never bother with and yet others who would give anything to be a parent, struggle.

I'm not going to say anything obviously, I'm not going to get involved or bad mouth or anything but internally I just want to scream at the injustice of it all but as I am supposed to be a composed professional, I will just have to rant on here instead!!

OP posts:
BonyPony · 15/08/2019 13:03

That's really hard Sad life is so unfair. I'd find this really maddening and upsetting too. You sound like you know what you're doing but perhaps consider some extra support for yourself as it seems like you're having a hard time, counselling perhaps?
I hope you come through the infertility issues and become a parent soon Smile

SmartPlay · 15/08/2019 13:08

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable. Sure, your issues aren't his fault, but I think it's fine in general to be disgusted by people who don't care about their children. Actually I think everyone should be disgusted by and mad at behaviour like that.

And I think it's understandable in your situation that you react very emotional to a situation like that. That you feel the world is just fucking unfair and cruel, because it is!

I really hope for you to be able to get the baby you so dearly want!

Original poster
MoveOnMolly · 15/08/2019 13:59

It's just so bloody annoying and upsetting.

Not sure why I still had him on social media to be honest, I've blocked now so I can't see anymore.

It's the way of life I know but makes me very angry all the same.

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 15/08/2019 14:05

Really none of it is your business. His fertility has no impact on your life. You're projecting your anger on to him.

Original poster
MoveOnMolly · 15/08/2019 14:14

Yes I'm aware of that as I said in my OP multiple times.

OP posts:
PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 15/08/2019 14:16

YABU however better to rant your socks off here than on social media or IRL where it may leak.

Heaven knows if I was in your shoes I’d be spitting blood too.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 15/08/2019 14:17

Thanks for your OP

Original poster
MoveOnMolly · 15/08/2019 14:23

PaulHollywood, absolutely I've no intention of ranting all over social media or something just find it incredibly hard to not scream, so you lovely folk are getting my rant instead Smile

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2019 14:25

It’s totally understandable to feel the way you do. Flowers

Nofunkingworriesmate · 15/08/2019 14:26

I’ve just blocked an old school friend for repeated racism I’m facebook , feel so sad that he’s turned out like that , so I can relate. Your friend is unlikely to make this woman happy long term and I hope the CSA catch up with him and make him pay for baby number 1 . Best of luck with your fertility, hope it all works out well for you xxx

NoSauce · 15/08/2019 14:28

I think it’s totally understandable to be mad at his actions, he doesn’t sound great tbf.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 15/08/2019 14:32

You have great inner strength. The overwhelming urge to leave “twat” or “arsehole” would flatten me OP

ElizaPancakes · 15/08/2019 14:34

I’d feel exactly the same and I don’t have your personal circumstances. I hate men that do this.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 15/08/2019 14:35

I was absolutely furious when a Facebook acquaintance put a fake pregnancy “joke” announcing he was expecting twins and how surprised they were as they thought they were done with babies, it was one of those “ let’s see who reads till the end of my post bollocks ” ... I wasn’t as reserved and controlled as you and posted how offensive and upsetting and insensitive it was to people like me on ivf treatment and pointed out that you may not always know what others are going through privately etc etc .... I was shaking as I I posted as I don’t put a lot of Facebook and hate Fb spats intensity but felt I just had to point out how juvenile it was. I actually expected an apology.... his family and friends thought it was hilarious and he did something similar a year later ☹️

cakecakecheese · 15/08/2019 14:36

If you haven't already then please unfollow him, this isn't helping you.

But yeah no wonder you're angry, it's really not fair.

Bluntness100 · 15/08/2019 14:38

I don't have fertility problems and I'd have an issue with this too. Some people are just irresponsible pieces of shit. He is fine to have another child, but he should have made the decision to do it in a secure relationship and learn from his last lesson.

YNBU.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/08/2019 14:41

It's fine to be angry, and prefectly absolutely fine to come and rant anonymously on here rather than to people who might know this useless prick and respond with a lot of 'Oh, but...'

Whattodo20192 · 15/08/2019 15:36

I don't have fertility issues but am still feeling as angry as you are at a family member.
She has a child already that she gives no love or affection to and never has. Grandparents raised the child until she was 5, the mother then got in a relationship with another guy and wanted to play happy families. The new guy pulled the grandparent aside and said that she isn't one bit maternal and he didn't know how to help the situation. Now she's expecting again Angry

Butterfly02 · 15/08/2019 15:38

Yanbu - the infertility journey is hard and the unfairness of it all is highlighted in situations like this. I think be kind to yourself, take some time out and communicate your feelings to your partner (you need someone in RL to let off steam too). I've been there - a sibling and a cousin both walked away from their responsibilities as a parent while I was going through it - I tried to focus my attentions on other things - career, house, having fun (didn't always work but helped!). To give you some hope I've now got 3 fertility babies. Best wishes.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 15/08/2019 15:45

I really feel for you. Life is unfair. I'd honestly block him, it's doing you no favours to read about his life and you said you'd already distanced him.

Original poster
MoveOnMolly · 15/08/2019 15:57

Thanks, yes I've blocked him now.

I actually do okay day to day, it's really shit but I get by and try to crack on as best I can. It's just when things like this pop up it makes me so mad!

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 15/08/2019 16:29

Don't just block. Unfriend. This is a man you don't like and you don't respect. Why would you even have him on your facebook. You can't, and clearly have no intention of, rant at him in public. But you also don't have to stay friendly with him.

and interestingly, I think sometimes these old family friends are the hardest to let go. You feel a sort of familial obligation to maintain the ties. Like this person is sort of family. But I speak from personal experience - deleting them entirely, not just blocking/unfollowing will make you feel a lot better. In the last few years after a major bereavement when I started reconsidering how I interact with people, I unfriended a woman who had lived with us, as had her mother, when I realised that her selfish self absorbed behaviour at 35 was the same as it had been at 15. I deleted a man who my brother still thinks of as his best friend. I can't make DBro see this man is a waste of space, but I don't have to engage. And I recently unfriended a woman and her husband who I realised are just not nice people and make me unhappy. Honestly, it's been life changing! Grin

Shootingstar1115 · 15/08/2019 16:32

This happens all the time. Men who don’t have a relationship with their first baby because they don’t like the mother or they weren’t mature enough to deal with it then go into have more children.

I don’t know my dad. But he has 5 more children. It hurts sometimes but that’s life! I don’t think I could ever have a relationship with him even if he contacted me. Too much time has been lost.

Just hope he steps up for this baby!

HoneyBeeHappy · 15/08/2019 16:41

Fertility issues aside the man is an arsehole who deserves to be judged. O

Original poster
MoveOnMolly · 15/08/2019 16:45

ShootingStar, my mum was in a very similar situation growing up. She was his first, he went off never to be seen again and then had a children with someone else.

She doesn't care so much now but said it was very hurtful growing up, she wondered what she'd done differently to his other children etc...

Just shit excuse for a human really, I don't know how he sleeps.

OP posts: