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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For getting Botox in my 20’s?

114 replies

Sweetdisposition91 · 15/08/2019 08:39

I’m 28 next month and have the most horrific frown lines and laughter lines already. I have a very expressive face and I’m really sensitive to sunlight and frown even if it’s cloudy out!

I know I should be wearing sunglasses more often and I’ve started wearing factor 50 on my face year round, but what other preventative measures can I do?!

I’m posting a pic of my frown lines 18 months ago to now... I’ve aged so much!!

I don’t smoke, haven’t got children and don’t have a very stressful life!

I had Botox the other day just waiting for it to fully kick in but my frown line is still there so I think I’ll need a top up.

How many of you have Botox and how old were you when you started?

OP posts:

YesQueen · 15/08/2019 16:13

I use SPF, not retinol as my skin doesn't react to it. I had Botox age 32/33 for pain induced lines

QualCheckBot · 15/08/2019 16:18

EatenByDinosaurs Yes, your man with blue hair example wouldn't fly, but likewise my best friend is a senior partner in a prestigious law firm here in the US, recently she shaved her head as she'd always wanted to, and many other senior male colleagues had shaved heads so she thought it wouldn't be a problem as she always looks ultra smart anyway. Ah the naïveté. She was disciplined for looking unprofessional, and its badly damaged her standing in her firm.

The US isn't a signatory to the ECHR and any lawyer having a shaved head whilst it is tolerated amongst men would be able to successfully challenge that here. My dress code used to forbid shaved heads for anyone, male or female. I would have to check if it still says that. But I am sure there are lawyers with shaved heads in the UK. I am surprised that shaved heads amongst male US lawyers are so popular. tbh she's a bit thick not to have sounded it out first, as a lawyer. It sounds a bit like a made up example if I'm being honest.

I think you can see from this thread that a lot of women are actually influenced by other women, who are actually quite competitive about their appearance. You can see that EnthusiasmDisturbed is doing similar but in reverse, trying to make other women feel bad if they pay attention to their appearance, with her comment about "you can continue to milk your looks as long as you want" (sorry if I've slightly misquoted that, can't be bothered scrolling back).

Perhaps what we need to focus on is getting away from being so critical over other people's appearances. I know I don't go around examining people for having had Botox and shiny foreheads.

Beclaboo · 15/08/2019 16:22

You are beautiful as you are and you don’t need it

JaneJeffer · 15/08/2019 16:22

I think the Botox is affecting the brain cells of some posters on here.

LaVieilleHarpie · 15/08/2019 16:25

It really is puzzling how those of us who tinker with our faces/pay attention to our appearance don't really go around telling women who don't want to have it done to go and get it done. We don't point out their 'flaws' either. They, on the other hand, seem to get some pleasure from pointing out our botox, fillers, makeup, and sneer at us quite openly. I think it's indicative of their own unhappiness with their appearance, actually. You don't feel the need to bring others down when you're happy with what you've got.

Now, I'll just leave this here - if another woman's looks make you feel insecure, that's on you. That's YOUR problem, and it's up to YOU what you do about it. If you're not happy with your looks, it's up to YOU to do something about it, or indeed not. Other women aren't responsible for your insecurities. You can either go for botox/fillers/makeup or not, the choice is yours and yours alone to make, but don't expect other women to give up these things just so you can feel better about yourself. I, for one, am not your fucking therapist.

EatenByDinosaurs · 15/08/2019 16:35

QualCheckBot sadly true, but we all have spells of naïveté, you included if you think that any professional woman anywhere in the world could challenge that and not have it negatively affect her career in a multitude of ways, for years to come. Being seen as a "difficult woman" in a professional arena is not going to help you.

Yes, the women who are influenced by other women, and the competitiveness is yet again the patriarchy (remarkably that word still isn't in my predictive whotsit yet).

Women being influenced by women into making patriarchal aligned choices is ideal really, makes women feel like they're doing it because of the sisterhood

Loopytiles · 15/08/2019 16:39

“They, on the other hand, seem to get some pleasure from pointing out our botox, fillers, makeup, and sneer at us quite openly“

In RL or online? To you personally, or saying things like Botox being obvious, fillers looking odd, or whatever?

In RL unsolicited negative feedback is rude! Online, in discussions about cosmetic surgery etc it’s fine.

QualCheckBot · 15/08/2019 16:46

EatenbyDinosaurs QualCheckBot sadly true, but we all have spells of naïveté, you included if you think that any professional woman anywhere in the world could challenge that and not have it negatively affect her career in a multitude of ways, for years to come. Being seen as a "difficult woman" in a professional arena is not going to help you.

I've challenged quite a few things in my professional life and have never been held back by it. Its always gone really well for me. I do even remember as a graduate trainee taking a male middle ranking colleague aside and giving him a warning that I would report him for sexual harassment. Never bothered me in the slightest again and we worked well together after that. Some people just need the error of their ways pointed out. (He had thought that talking to other male colleagues in front of me about his sex life was acceptable (other male colleagues were embarrassed and didn't join in)). I've also told a manager who asked me to make a cup of tea that I wasn't there to make cups of tea and he was capable of making his own. A few seconds of surprise followed by a quickly dawning reaction that it was easier not to bother me in future. tbh though I can't be bothered challenging things with my appearance. I'm happy if I can look smart and unremarkable.

Where on earth do you live Dinosaurs?

RosesAndRaindrops · 15/08/2019 16:47

I've voted YABU, only because I'm a fan of the aging gracefully look and can't get comprehend wanting to pump your face full of stuff!
You're meant to have natural frown lines when you're frowning, I like my face to move. I'm aware this is my opinion only though!
Each to their own, if it's what you're happy with then that's all that matters, not what me or a bunch of other randomers think

ChampooPapi · 15/08/2019 16:47

Surly your Dr/nurse who did the Botox has before photos of relaxed and 'active' expressions for the area?

colourlessgreenidea · 15/08/2019 16:53

Erm...sounds like you go around thinking anyone who doesn't look terrible has had Botox, even when they quite possibly haven't and maybe just have good genes, and making judgements about them!

Nah, it sounded nothing like that at all. You’ve made some giant leaps of logic there.

BarberaofSeville · 15/08/2019 16:55

People who dont advocate Botox are perhaps quite happy with their own appearance rather than being insecure. I'm not sneering, the OP asked a question. I haven't had Botox, don't want Botox and work with collesgues who I can tell have had Botox. I wouldn't tell them it's obvious just as I wouldn't comment on someone's appearance in other ways. Does that make me insecure, or sneering? No of course not.

messolini9 · 15/08/2019 16:56

Thank you, @EatenByDinosaurs & @colourlessgreenidea, for getting it.

& btw, naysayers, my views aren't "ideology". They're facts.
"Ideology" would encompass stuff like getting a perfectly good face filled with toxic crap because looking youthful is the only game in town.

And who is it demanding that women look youthful?
It's not other women, is it? We all know we're all gonna get old or die.
It's men. Mainly because 'myth-buying men' (as per my previous post) cannot cope with mature women. We're not easy enough to dominate, & we're not the correct currency, i.e. arm candy, to impress other eejit men.

colourlessgreenidea · 15/08/2019 16:58

Perhaps all the great beauties on here criticising all those people they claim have had Botox, "shiny" faces, etc could post photos of themselves so that we can see how superior they are and just how worthwhile following their advice actually is?

That makes no sense at all: people saying that being judged by a specific set of beauty ideals is reductive aren’t going to care if their face is judged to not meet that specific set of beauty ideals.

That’s obvious, surely?

messolini9 · 15/08/2019 17:00

Prevention is better than cure, a light touch in your 20's and 30's will mean you may not need any later in life.

Come off it, that's bullshit. Sorry someone has sold you that notion - you'll have a hard time finding peer-reviewed, published medical studies proving it.

But fear not! - there is always an option "not to need any" ...

RosesAndRaindrops · 15/08/2019 17:02

Argh. I know I said that I don't want or agree with Botox, but Messolini's is an attitude that really pisses me off.
Women who do want to do things like Botox/make up etc are only doing it because they've been brainwashed by the patriarchy, it's the pesky men's fault -
Bollocks. How about women can want to do it for THEMSELVES not anyone else?!

QualCheckBot · 15/08/2019 17:02

colourless That makes no sense at all: people saying that being judged by a specific set of beauty ideals is reductive aren’t going to care if their face is judged to not meet that specific set of beauty ideals.

Oh not at all. I just want to judge how shiny their faces are! Since this seems to be the recurring criteria by which everyone is judged. They could just post photos of their foreheads only. Especially the ones talking about how attractive their wrinkles are.

EatenByDinosaurs · 15/08/2019 17:04

messolini9 well said

AwdBovril · 15/08/2019 17:06

Best things for preventing wrinkles - lots of water, decent moisturiser that actually suits your skin type, a decent high UVA & UVB spf (separate from your moisturiser), & wear a hat with shade for your face (& neck if possible) as much as possible. Do not smoke, or sunbathe.

But a lot of it is down to genetics. I am 38, have naturally fairly oily skin, & still have no wrinkles. I wear a sunhat (usually a cap, or straw hat in very sunny weather) every day unless it's so cold a beanie & scarf are required. Apparently, sunglasses also help as they naturally reduce your desire to squint/frown in response to strong sunlight.

messolini9 · 15/08/2019 17:07

@Sweetdisposition91

Just seen your update pic.
You are stunning. You have absolutely no need to spend money on botox! Anyone who tells you otherwise is simply undermining the confidence you should feel in your looks. Enjoy your youth, & spend the money on having fun instead.

LaVieilleHarpie · 15/08/2019 17:09

Those who said we're doing it for the menz need to go out and take a look at your average man in the street.

I'd rather sprint an ultramarathon than be seen with any of them.

colourlessgreenidea · 15/08/2019 17:10

But it still doesn’t make sense: why would people who don’t think judgements about facial age/appearance matter care about your judgement of their naturally aged face?

messolini9 · 15/08/2019 17:10

How about women can want to do it for THEMSELVES not anyone else?!

Nonsense. Imagine the patriarchy is just a nasty bogeyman you read about in a Margaret Atwood novel once. And that you live on a desert island, where nobody can see you. Are you going to signal for a botox nurse, so that you can feel good "just for yourself"?

Toknowornot · 15/08/2019 17:12

People who get cosmetic procedures done to their faces don't look younger, they just look like people who got cosmetic procedures done. (Also beware that the aftermath may look very different in a picture than it does in real life). Other people always know it's been done. Some people will make a joke out of it saying you look frozen, shiny, or whatever.

If that's the look you want then sure, go for it but be careful because for some reason many fall down a rabbit hole until they start looking botched, and it seems like it doesn't take much to get to that category.

Happygilmorelove · 15/08/2019 17:12

It's always really attractive girls that seem to do this in their 20s..can't understand it. Why not be happy with what you have, you're so young. Just seems really sad to me, but then I'm old in my 40s!

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