Parents putting me in a difficult position/ being rude to my DP.

[Cherrybae7]

Background: me (25) DP (25), been together for 3 years and have lived together for 2.

My parents invited me on holiday, which I thought was lovely. They didn’t mention my DP in the WhatsApp message, so I responded asking about a couple of details and is DP invited?

I get a response a while later that answers my questions except the one about DP. I message back nicely again, commenting on how that location is so nice etc but ask what about DP.

Again get a response ignoring the question about DP.

The next message I sent made it clear that I was more than happy to contribute some of the cost.

Anyway, it got to a total of 5 replies from my parents that completely ignored my question about DP, so eventually I just said ‘I’d love to go skiing with you but if it’s better for you two to go alone I get that 100%, I’ll still help you look for trips online but I can’t just go on a family holiday and leave DP behind.’

Now, I get a response to this about an hour later saying along the lines of ‘If you both really want to come and your sure you’ll have a great time and you can pay for yourselves that’s fine. I knew I shouldn’t have asked in the first place.’

Just for context, DP can ski, my parents were going to pay for me (which was really sweet), then backtracked on the premise that DP would join, I was more than happy to pay for DP myself, I’ve paid to go on trips with my parents before, we can afford it but we haven’t been on holiday this year and I’m not exactly gonna spend 1.5K on a trip where I’ve had to push for DP to even be invited, and I’m an only child if that’s relevant.

I’m quite upset about this because I’d be really hurt if it was the other way round, DP has no knowledge of any of this and I politely said we wouldn’t be able to make it.

Please let me know if they or I ABU, and any suggestions of how to talk to them about this nicely would be very appreciated!

It wouldn't have hurt them to say that they fancied a holiday with just OP, if they didn't want him around. Instead, they just evaded the question.

I must be an outlier then because I often go away with DM and/or DBro, and we never invite DH. We want to spend time together as a family, because we don’t see each other all that often. DH does stuff on his own with his family too, I think it’s good not to be in each other’s pockets all the time. Maybe your DPs feel the same?

It would be different I think if you had DC and they were invited but not your DP. But 25 is still young enough for your family to still see you as their child and not and independent married woman.

“I can’t just go on a family holiday and leave DP behind”

Why not?

I think the key thing is that the OP had to ask repeatedly if the invite included her DP. Most parents would have said either, would the two of you like to come skiing or 'Dear OP would you like to come on holiday with us, just the three of us'.

Thing is though it depends on what kind of relationship (or not) you have with your parents doesn't it?

I've been no contact with my parents for many years now, but I would rather have bedded down with a thousand rattlesnakes than spend time alone with my them, let alone holiday with them as an adult!

OP if you're are close and have a healthy relationship with your parents, then that would change the advice a lot.