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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stay at home today?

88 replies

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/08/2019 11:33

MIL turned up (unannounced, but that's a whole other thread) about an hour ago to drop something off. Older DC was sat at the dining table doing crafts and baby was crawling around the playmat surrounded by toys while I was folding some laundry. MIL was visibly horrified that the DC and I were all still in our pyjamas. Teeth have been brushed, faces washed and hair brushed btw! She then said "I assume you are planning on leaving the house at some point today?!" with her best cats bum face. I said "actually we were planning on having a quiet day at home today" and I was told in no uncertain terms that I was BU, "lazy" and that it was "unfair on the DC".

It's miserable, grey and pouring with rain here, which is forecast to carry on all day and all evening. I'm absolutely shattered as baby was up several times in the night
and awake at 5am (teething) and I think probably disturbed the older childs sleep too as they seem very tired. So far this summer holiday we've been away for a week to the coast with my DP's, been to a theme park, been swimming, visited a Castle, visited an NT property, been to the local park a couple of times, had a couple of playdates with school friends (and got another one planned for tomorrow) and 5yo has had a couple of sleepovers with Grandparents. AIBU for thinking that we've done a reasonable amount of stuff with the kids so far this holiday and it won't hurt them to potter about at home for the odd day? AIBU for thinking this is fairly 'normal' or am I being lazy?

I am (slowly) recovering from PND and although this is manageable now, I do still find myself being a bit sensitive to criticism and often second guess myself, especially when it comes to my parenting so this has been playing on my mind a bit since she left.

OP posts:
WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 14/08/2019 12:46

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery oh gosh she sounds like hard work.

Take care of yourself.

ThatCurlyGirl · 14/08/2019 12:59

Ah I used to LOVE cosy days in like that! I definitely enjoyed having a bit of time to do my own thing, whether colouring or reading or playing etc. It helped my brother and I to learn how to keep ourselves occupied too.

One of my cousins is constantly taking her kids to activities and they never spend time at home unless eating or sleeping. While I know she is making up for our generation in the family not having had money for clubs etc, I feel bad they never get any down time and bless them they are totally incapable of relaxing at all or playing alone.

So go for it OP, enjoy your lovely day at home!

fluffyjumper · 14/08/2019 13:03

I got my dd and dn (sister shares childcare in the holidays and the girls are always together). The girls have drawn a wish list of things they wanted to do so cinema, bike ride etc. We got the lust out this morning and they had a PJ day on there, they want to do this today.

We are still in our pyjamas and they are so happy. Ignore your mil especially as she didn't even offer to help. Enjoy your rainy day in.

Lovemenorca · 14/08/2019 13:05

Don’t let your children see their mother being spoken to like this. Seriously.

You know that she’s being rude. You know that you are not being unreasonable. You know that no one on mumsnet was going to agree with your daft MIL.

IamWaggingBrenda · 14/08/2019 13:07

You sound like an awesome mum. Children absolutely need quiet, stay at home days. And it sounds a perfect day to do just that. Your MIL is an uptight cow. When she says things like this, thank her for her unasked for, unhelpful opinion. My mum did this sort of thing from time to time, or we’d get in our pj’s early and ‘camp’ out/sleep in the lounge for a fun activity. I’m an old coot, and I still remember how lovely it was.

Iwantacookie · 14/08/2019 13:18

My mother is like this "Are you ill? I don't understand why your wearing your pjs in the middle of the day"
Fuck off you don't need to understand anything except I'm happy in my pjs.
She doesn't get invited often.

FaithInfinity · 14/08/2019 13:22

We’re having a lazy day! Things have been quite full on with a weekend away, taking an elderly relative shopping (took 4 hours!). I work 3 days a week so I try to do something out one day and give DD the option. Today she chose lazing in her pjs. Soon we are going to do some craft. She did say about swimming but I’ve pulled my neck so I’ve said we should push it back to the weekend.

Bare in mind I only have one DD, no baby and no PND! I agree with pp, I do remember odd days out as a child but I remember lots of lovely days at home just playing.

EffYouSeeKaye · 14/08/2019 13:26

YANBU and she can fuck off home.

flirtygirl · 14/08/2019 13:33

I stay in on average every other day through choice. I don't call it being lazy either. I go out when needed but we all enjoy being at home.

At lot of people on this thread have said we been busy, we done.... Before admitting to their day in today (with or without pj's). Why the need to justify it and preface it with a statement of previous busy times. Crack on enjoy your days in whatever way you deem fit. The competitive keep busy or you are not worthy mentality can f* right off.

And what kind of mother expects you to take your kids out in this weather, did she used to drag your husband out in the pouring rain??
Op enjoy your day and don't give it another minutes thought.

Vasya · 14/08/2019 13:37

Yabu for not packing your children up in their outdoor things and telling your MIL that if she's so keen she can take them on an outing and leave you to have a nap.

For real though, you're not doing anything wrong and sometimes a quiet day at home is what everyone needs.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 14/08/2019 13:48

I have found my people! There's another active thread where a mum is getting bashed for letting her dcs have too much screen time and honestly, while I understand their point, some of the posters are being unbelievably smug in their replies listing all the amazing things they do every day with their dc's!
We are still in Panama but venturing out in an hour to see the Playmobil movie. It's supposed to be shite but I expect DD will love it. The question is, does outside screen time still count as screentime, am I a Good mum or Bad mum!

BishopofBathandWells · 14/08/2019 13:48

She sounds like a complete twat. A pj day is the best thing ever on a rainy afternoon. Tell her to go get her own pjs and join you, as she obviously needs to chill the fuck out.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 14/08/2019 13:49

I'm not actually in Panama.

GiantKitten · 14/08/2019 13:57

TakemedowntoPotatoCity
I'm not actually in Panama.

I do love what autocorrect has done to online discourse Grin

(OP, if it helps I am a MIL and I am still in my pyjamas)(or Panama)

kateandme · 14/08/2019 14:19

they are the best days op.when you set up the scene i thought how lovely it bloody sounded.dont doubt yourself ok.i know your still feeling vulnerable and it must play on your bad mum fears.but your truly not.you sound lovely and for your kid to be sitting there like that then they are obviously happy and contented.you love em.screw her.
we all need and like downdays.they can be bored and do home bod stuff too.
you have doe above and beyond what you need to this holiday too.
for many circumstances dictate that all play and tie is at home.and that ok too.you make the best of what you have.
you sound totally and uttely find.dont doubt yourself.
dont listen to people bringing you down.she had no right

MollysMummy2010 · 14/08/2019 14:21

Been to the cinema this morning but as I am cheap it was the the kids club showing of wonder park... home now after lunch out and managed to just avoid the worst of the rain. Both back in our pj’s/Panama’s and staying that way. It’s my one week off and Monday we did nothing at all.

Rainbowknickers · 14/08/2019 14:23

Oh my mother used to do this
So I told her if she wanted them to be taken out then she could be my guest and take them as I wasn’t leaving the house-she was lucky I was up at all

Rinse repeat and she will get the message

kateandme · 14/08/2019 14:24

btw still in my pjs :D have done no craft.
no laundry
just about emptied dishwasher.
been binging tv eps.
online.
read a bit becasue my thriller book is amazing.
but really done bugger all.

NoSauce · 14/08/2019 14:29

Don’t sweat it OP. We all need a lazy day every now and again. As it’s a rare occurrence I’d just let it go personally and not let posters on here wind you up. You hardly see her so it’s not a huge issue.

Original poster
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/08/2019 14:32

So I told her if she wanted them to be taken out then she could be my guest and take them

I so wish I'd said this. PIL's have never offered to take the kids anywhere so she wouldn't know what to say to that.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 14/08/2019 14:35

Both back in our pj’s/Panama’s

Missing the point here but isn’t a panama a hat??

Heymummee · 14/08/2019 14:40

Absolutely nothing wrong with staying at home and not getting changed all day if you don’t want to.
I’ve always thought it’s important for children to make their own fun at home otherwise you end up with them needing constant (paid for) trips out. I also think as adults we all need downtime and that’s important for children to learn too.

Zoflorabore · 14/08/2019 14:41

Ds has been to the gym, he's 16. Dd age 8 and I have only just eaten lunch, I've brushed my teeth and that's it. We're going to get showered soon and then into comfy clothes as not going out in that.

Dd could have went to a club today ( with me ) where they do arts/crafts/bouncy castle etc but even she fancied a day at home. It's good for our MH to do "nothing" even though that's far from the case :)

Enjoy your day op. MIL is just an old school interfering moo.

Drogosnextwife · 14/08/2019 14:41

I stopped reading your post, you don't need to justify or have reasons to have a day in the house. Tell her to mind her own business.

MidweekObscurity · 14/08/2019 14:51

I'm wondering what would happen if you'd been out when she called round. Would she be cool or would you get grumpiness from that too?