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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stay at home today?

88 replies

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/08/2019 11:33

MIL turned up (unannounced, but that's a whole other thread) about an hour ago to drop something off. Older DC was sat at the dining table doing crafts and baby was crawling around the playmat surrounded by toys while I was folding some laundry. MIL was visibly horrified that the DC and I were all still in our pyjamas. Teeth have been brushed, faces washed and hair brushed btw! She then said "I assume you are planning on leaving the house at some point today?!" with her best cats bum face. I said "actually we were planning on having a quiet day at home today" and I was told in no uncertain terms that I was BU, "lazy" and that it was "unfair on the DC".

It's miserable, grey and pouring with rain here, which is forecast to carry on all day and all evening. I'm absolutely shattered as baby was up several times in the night
and awake at 5am (teething) and I think probably disturbed the older childs sleep too as they seem very tired. So far this summer holiday we've been away for a week to the coast with my DP's, been to a theme park, been swimming, visited a Castle, visited an NT property, been to the local park a couple of times, had a couple of playdates with school friends (and got another one planned for tomorrow) and 5yo has had a couple of sleepovers with Grandparents. AIBU for thinking that we've done a reasonable amount of stuff with the kids so far this holiday and it won't hurt them to potter about at home for the odd day? AIBU for thinking this is fairly 'normal' or am I being lazy?

I am (slowly) recovering from PND and although this is manageable now, I do still find myself being a bit sensitive to criticism and often second guess myself, especially when it comes to my parenting so this has been playing on my mind a bit since she left.

OP posts:
queenqueenqueen · 14/08/2019 11:59

Lol you are beating me on clean faces and brushed hair!

Chill days at home are the best 🙂xx

WTFdidwedo · 14/08/2019 12:02

I probably only leave the house 2 out of 4 of the days I'm off work with my two children under 3, I definitely never go out every day as it's too stressful.

We're all still in pyjamas and my eldest is watching Peppa Pig while my youngest naps on me. I've got a pile of ironing to do once I can extricate myself from the baby but I'm certainly not going out in this weather today.

0hT00dles · 14/08/2019 12:07

My two are still in pj's as am I. Will get them dressed after lunch as youngest dd is a very messy eater😂 eldest dd is 5 and they're both happily playing and we've read books all morning. I find venturing out alone with the 19month old hard work at the minute🙈 so it's nice for them to play together. Also the weather is shit and can't be bothered lugging all the stuff out in the damp

Fluffythrows · 14/08/2019 12:11

She's a stupid, nosy cow. How dare she?

We've had loads of lazy days at home. You don't even need to justify it.

We pay £££ for our house and making it nice, and I've paid £££ for toys for the dc, games console, internet connection, nice food in the fridge. If I want to stay in some days and enjoy it all then I bloody well will.

We do go out, a lot, and we usually all spend 30+ hours a week out of the house at work and school. Rushing about shopping, going to clubs.

I hate all this judgement about staying in. It's bliss to have days where you can just relax.

whattodowith · 14/08/2019 12:12

YANBU and how dare she walk into your home unannounced and start giving you shit!

We’re doing the same today, the weather is abysmal so there’s no point going out really. It’s perfectly fine to have the odd lazy indoors day.

Bobismyfriend · 14/08/2019 12:17

Not UR at all! Sensible really on this shitty August day!

Me and my DS have made a cake this morning and then spent the last hour playing crash team racing. We will then ice the cake when it's cool. I suggested the cinema but he said he'd rather stay home.

Enjoy your day and don't let her get in your head.

Original poster
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/08/2019 12:20

Thank you all. To be fair to MIL (which doesn't come easily to me!) she has a lot going on at the moment (health issues, nothing serious but not nice for her) so I think that's made her even more prickly than usual. She's just one of those people who can't seem to have a thought without needing to say it out loud. I'm usually better at dealing with her but since having PND I've lost a lot of confidence.

OP posts:
MollyButton · 14/08/2019 12:22

YANBU!
Can you stop her turning up unannounced? If you had been "going out" surely it would have been a wasted trip?
And enjoy your day.

Everyone needs down time on occasion - and I found with small children that you quickly knew if it had gone on too long as chaos would break out.

Flowers
Original poster
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/08/2019 12:28

Can you stop her turning up unannounced?

We've tried. Her view is "we're family, we shouldn't have to make an appointment!" Fortunately she and FIL only grace us with their presence rarely. That's what pisses me off though, they make so little effort with the DC but still feel entitled to comment on how we parent them!

OP posts:
ChihuahuaMummy1 · 14/08/2019 12:28

We're doing nothing today too,its grey and miserable.Shes an arsenal for saying that to you,just ignore her.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 14/08/2019 12:29

Arsehole not arsenal!

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 14/08/2019 12:30

I don't think you should minimise her behaviour and make excuses for her.

If she really can't help herself from making rude comments out loud then she'd be doing it to strangers, service providers, bus drivers etc. I'm guessing she isn't blurting out her judgemental two cents to people on the street.

She can control her behaviour, she just feels entitled to be as rude as she likes to you. It's a choice she is making.

There is nothing wrong with a pottering at home day. Especially when you're recovering from PND (a condition not helped at all by a bitchy person showing up uninvited in your home and nit picking at you).

managedmis · 14/08/2019 12:30

God I'd have to knock that on the head, turning up unannounced

Oly4 · 14/08/2019 12:30

Silly woman, ignore her.
My kids are still not dressed and I still haven’t done their teeth! I’m doing housework and they are playing

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 14/08/2019 12:32

Oh my god, no. Boundaries OP! You don't need to allow her unannounced visits because she doesn't believe in family making an 'appointment'. It's not her home, she doesn't get to decide. You do.

That's the beauty of setting a boundary, she doesn't need to agree with it. She just has to respect it.

Get DH to tell her: no more drop in visits.

BarkandCheese · 14/08/2019 12:34

You are so far from being unreasonable. What does MIL expect you to go out and do exactly? Outside is wet and horrible, soft play would be rammed and the seventh circle of hell, kids that young don't exactly enjoy the local shopping centre.

Mine is much older than yours, but if she wasn't out at a drama summer today we'd be binging Netflix and playing Pokemon all day.

hennythe100footbird · 14/08/2019 12:35

Tell her to shut the door behind her on the way out.

Alternatively, if you don't want to mince your words, tell her to get fucked.

It's pissing down with rain here, as much as I love DC to have as much fresh air as possible, I will not take them out in the rain. My MIL can be much like yours, I zone out when she speaks because it's better for my MH that way.

dollydaydream114 · 14/08/2019 12:37

Sounds like a lovely, cosy day to me. Honestly, some of my happiest summer holiday days when I was a kid were the days we just spent at home pottering about with my mum, just amusing ourselves.

Chocmallows · 14/08/2019 12:37

I don't have my DC today first day in fortnight and need to read work emails and have piles of housework, but I have simply eaten, watched TV and been on MN. I could say I'm being lazy, but I will choose to say I'm having a wellbeing morning.

Take a wellbeing day with your DC and take things a bit easier for all your benefits. Ignore MIL who wasn't up in night and just being a bitch

whereisthebloodypostman · 14/08/2019 12:38

I had a revelation one day in soft play when DS was having a big of a tantrum that he's much happier and well behaved when he's at home, comfortable and surrounded by his own toys with cartoons he likes on the TV and can do what he likes. The pressure to go out and about all the time fell of my shoulders with that revelation. YANBU.

Blobby10 · 14/08/2019 12:38

YANBU!! I think we spend far too much time ensuring our children are 'doing' stuff - I made that mistake with mine and they took forever to learn to amuse themselves! Your children sound amazing and your MIL is an interfering busybody Smile

May I also suggest you have an indoor picnic just to really rub her nose in it that they aren't eating a meat and two veg meal sitting at the table.>?!!!

Trickedia · 14/08/2019 12:38

Pouring down here to. Wrapped 2 dd’s Up & drove 20 mins to where there are some pretty good charity shops for kids stuff. Walked 10 steps down the road (in rain) when DD1 complains her shoes hurt - I look, she has blood on her sock. Blisters. We turn round & drive back. Wished I’d just done what I wanted to do & stayed in! Fuck your MIL, you’ve got the crafts out, you’re a good mum!!

Namenic · 14/08/2019 12:40

I regularly do not get out of pjs until late/all day. No biggie, just shrug your shoulders and carry on.

Original poster
MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/08/2019 12:40

If she really can't help herself from making rude comments out loud then she'd be doing it to strangers, service providers, bus drivers etc.

Oh, believe me, she does! She's constantly falling out with friends, family members, neighbours and in her mind she's always 100% justified in whatever inappropriate thing she's said to them because "it's true!" I probably do minimise her behaviour you're right, I suppose it feels easier than getting upset about it . I've known this woman a long time and she's not going to change. Fortunately we don't see her often.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 14/08/2019 12:45

I was told in no uncertain terms that I was BU, "lazy" and that it was "unfair on the DC".

I hope you showed her the door?
YANBU and she can fuck off. Or, rather, your DH can tell her to fuck off. Lock the door so she can't keep turning up.