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AIBU?

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Original poster

I am not sure what to do

40 replies

Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 10:47

Dating casually i would say a single dad since April.

He said he is looking for a relationship as I am.

His communication pattern is erratic and when i question about it he says he is busy and doesnt ignore me (Which is partially true, he bought a house recently and he does work there as well).

However, things are going very slow with him.

He has mentioned future stuff that he wants to do together, including saying he wants to cook for me and invite me to his place, he says he is very attracted to me.

Whilst i was on holiday he reached out and he said he hurt his arm and said also he wanted to meet me right after i come back. He was also very sexual and said he desires me

At that day, he said he was on call in his shift as he was an engineer but didnt expect any job to come up.

Long story short it came up and he said he is gutted we didnt meet up and that he wanted to try this week (last week when i came back from holiday)

I texted him on Wed, asking him what day did he want to come and he said that he was not sure yet as his arm is really bad and he has painting job in his new flat but he cant wait to see me

We spoke again today but he didnt mention to meet but he said his struggles and again called me babe etc.

I dont know what to do, shall i start looking for others? Shall i tell him to finish?

Ive already made a discussion in the past as to what he wants from this as i want someone for regular dating and he says he will have more time going forward to the summer which is not happening.

Just a note, he doesnt have full custody of his son and he was not married before as he said to me, just engaged.

II just dont know what to do

OP posts:
nowayhose · 14/08/2019 11:21

End it hon, he's either not that into you or has other priorities like a girlfriend/ wife.

Better luck with someone new. x

Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:21

He has told me many times that he is not with anybody??

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:22

tbh i am more inclined to end it rather than leave this hanging...

OP posts:
Digitalash · 14/08/2019 11:24

I mean this nicely if he was as into you as he says he would find time to see you. Move on and stop wasting time and energy on this.

Ohyesiam · 14/08/2019 11:25

Has he told you he’s not with anybody when you ask, or does he just announce it? Seems a bit suspect to just keep saying it.

Chitarra · 14/08/2019 11:26

He seems to say all the right things but then not actually do anything about it. Judge him by his actions, not his words.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:27

So shall i just end things? Or just leave it and say nothing?

Ive discussed also with other people and ive been told some people dont want to give much at the start as they are cautious.

Tbh I thought to just leave it and look for other guys and dont say anything as i already got my answer when .he says what he is doing and he has other stuff.

He has also invited me to his parents house but at that time i couldnt go.

I just dont know what is the best way to go about it. I def believe its a waste of time to ask him again what he wants

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:29

@Ohyesiam He says that when I ask.

Anyway, I am not happy with how slow this is moving and its a shame as i believe we have a good connection

OP posts:
crazylady7 · 14/08/2019 11:29

You cant just sit there waiting for the bloke. If hes serious about this and can do his painting job with a sore arm but not see you.. then i dont know, it doesnt sound like he is taking this seriously enough. If he was that excited then he'd go out of his way to see you. Meh sounds like a waste of time. Hes just enjoying messaging you.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:32

I dont know how anyone is thinking and what . Last week he said he really wants to see me.

Maybe he believes that he has to have everything sorted before we meet? I also had asked him if he moved in to his flat when he messaged me. And then he started actually working on it.

Bottom line is, at the moment i cant say im happy

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 11:32

You shouldnt have to keep askng people
What they want. Their behaviour should show you.

He isnt interested in a relationship with you. You occasionally fill a void for him.

C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 11:33

Youre not happy. Thats enough to end it.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:34

Right, then I dont know as his behaviour does not match what he says.

The question is shall i just leave it be and keep looking or shall i just end it??

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/08/2019 11:35

It does sound like he's quite flakey. Sorry, but I would move on.

Also, if his arm hurts so much, how is he doing to do any decorating?

Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:36

He told me his arm was hurting anyway.

I can understand that as i myself have a bad neck.

But thats not the point. I feel like my time is wasted really.

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AuntieStella · 14/08/2019 11:48

You're teetering on the point of ending it. On many levels you know thus isn't working for you, but something is holding you back from actually ending it, what is that?

I don't think it's the amazing connection (what you actually describe isn't amazing), but perhaps fear of being alone, fear of finding someone new (and heaven knows, early dating can be brutal so I can see the reluctance). Or you've simply faked a future where this man is different and just right, and you don't want to miss out on that - even though you must know it's totally invented

If you do decide to end things, then please do tell him rather than just ghosting. But all you need to say is 'this isn't working for me'.

C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 11:49

Thats up to you. And how you end it. If youre planning on sending a flakey needy message like, ‘I'm confused by the mixed signals because your actions dont match what youre saying, so i think im going to walk away from this.’ He will probably try to reel you back in with more vague promises.

So id send a definitely over response, something like, ‘your actions just dont match what youre saying, so im going to walk away from this. All the best.’ Block.

Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:51

Im not gonna lie, I dont know if any of you have been to psychics or consulted any psychic lines .

But I have consulted psychics from word of mouth that predictions have come to pass for people.

I know some people dont believe in that but i tried this avenue as well to get some answers.

Maybe that affected me as well.

But yes i dont know if i should bother ending it or just leave it and keep looking.

For now yes this is not working and the thing is, I made my intentions clear from the beginning

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C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 11:54

How can you possibly make your intentions clear from the befinning? Thats like saying youre in it for the long-haul
Regardless of their character. You can’t possibly know at the beginning they are right for you, as yoire finding out now.

Next time, go on the dates, get to know them, dont assume you onky want a longterm relationship as they may be entirely unsuitable!

Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 11:54

Well my intentions on dating is to date for a long term relationship so thats what im looking for at the moment

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crazylady7 · 14/08/2019 12:02

I feel like you're waiting for someone to tell you to stay with him? Going to psychics, researching deeply into all the possibilities is pointless. See it for what it is. You cant just choose what advice to listen too, weve told you black and white what we can see the situation as. No one here (unless theyre stupid) will tell you to stick around with this man.

C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 12:05

Yes but you date many people to find one who fits. You dont go on a date assuming that person will be the longterm good relationship.

C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 12:05

Type your message to end it here first so people can tweek it before you send it.

SparklyMagpie · 14/08/2019 12:13

Do you mean " leave it" as in carrying on with him or leaving it as in just cutting him off?

Also I'm abit confused, have you both actually met?

You're getting fuck all from this and it's not what you want, so why continue with it?

Original poster
Anon31483 · 14/08/2019 12:14

But thats what im wondering about.

1.Whether to just leave it and keep looking and dont send any message.
When he sends me keep him going but keep looking nevertheless

  1. End it when he contacts me next time
  2. Have a convo face to face.

Im not sure what to do. I am talking currently to another guy online anyway

OP posts: