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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not have 'spare' money?

39 replies

thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 22:12

Just curious really. We live comfortably, we have a lovely house, go on holiday (not glam, but fun) each year etc. and do things with the kids like camping weekends, festivals etc. I enjoy sport and often run marathons etc. which cost quite a bit and we love weekend day trips. At the end of the month once everything is paid we don't owe anything but don't have anything left either. My ex husband pays a small amount of maintenance for our children (that isn't a dig, he doesn't earn well hence the small amount but is a good man) and I put that into a savings account for the kids as I don't feel it's 'my' money.

I had a chat with my sister today and she was shocked that we don't save more or have a 'slush' fund. I have an emergency credit card with a big limit that has nothing on it which I keep 'just in case' but have never used it. Until today I thought we did quite well but now I have paranoia that I should do less and save more? My sister told me it was irresponsible to be so 'fast and loose' with money but I've always wanted the children to have experiences with us.

I do understand that this is a first world problem and there are people struggling to make the ends meet so I don't want my post to sound offensive, I'm genuinely curious.

OP posts:
HollyGoLoudly1 · 13/08/2019 22:17

Do you mean you don't have any savings at all, or just that you don't make a habit of saving every month? I read a good rule of thumb is to have 3-4 months worth of living expenses saved up just in case, think maybe on Martin Lewis. Ideally we should have 6 months saved apparently but we've never managed that (yet!).

If you have no savings and just the credit card then I'm with your sister.

Adversecamber22 · 13/08/2019 22:20

You should make an effort to save something, even a small fund for emergencies. Some do not have the luxury and really can’t save a penny. It doesn’t mean you can’t do anything just a little cloth cutting.

I had a month where the guttering blew off the house, it fell on my car on the drive and both the washing machine and dishwasher died. What would happen if you had a month like that?

Original poster
thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 22:21

Well there is a few thousand in the savings account but that is the children's money as I never spend their maintenance (been cordially divorced for 12 years so it adds up) but other than that, no. What should I be saving for? I mean, if we had a real emergency I could raid the children's maintenance and pay it back or use the credit card and cut back to pay it back...? It's just never occurred to me that we need to do less and save more but now I feel like a missed a really important memo!

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 13/08/2019 22:21

Do you mean you don’t have savings?

What do you do if you need a new boiler / car breaks down / one of you lost your job?

RobinMoseby · 13/08/2019 22:25

I think your sister should mind her own business and also probably not tell people she has a ‘slush fund’ because it doesn’t mean what she thinks it does.

Belindabelle · 13/08/2019 22:26

I have always saved a proportion of my money. On pay day I have a direct debit that goes straight into my saving account. For me it is a non negotiable.

Original poster
thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 22:26

Shirley, well for cars and boilers etc. we have cover-breakdown, service and MOT stuff so we already pay monthly to keep on top of stuff. We had a new boiler last year but my brother owns a plumbing company so that wasn't as painful as it could have been...point taken though.

OP posts:
Original poster
thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 22:27

Robin! Ha! I just Googled and you are right-I do not have one of those....

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 13/08/2019 22:29

I think it's important to have a bit of back-up money for emergencies.

I usually transfer some money into savings straight after pay day, and then pay bills, and allow myself to spend the rest.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 13/08/2019 22:31

Yes, you need savings. For example, my DH became suddenly ill, and it was shocking how quickly things mount up, even with the NHS and income insurance we absolutely BURNED through savings. Or what happens if one of you is made redundant and it takes 6-8 months to find a new one (and that is the average), or if you have a number of house emergencies?

Definitely 3-4 months of net income at least, if we didn't have some family backup we'd aim for 6 months like.pps.

Gazelda · 13/08/2019 22:32

What if one of you loses your job? Or circumstances change your earning potential? Do you have adequate pensions?
I must say that I tend to avoid risk wherever possible, so always feel better if I've got a good savings cushion.

If you don't have sufficient income to build savings, then that's one thing. But I do think it's slightly reckless to spend on non essentials as much as you seem to while relying on a credit card to save you if the unexpected occurs.

KatherineJaneway · 13/08/2019 22:34

Unreasonable? Debatable.

How will you cover a boiler breakdown? Washing machine going kaput? Always a good idea to have some savings for a rainy day. You say you have a credit card but no money at the end of any month so how would you pay it off?

Original poster
thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 22:37

Hmmm. The thing is Gazelda, in over a decade we have never needed it because we have always had more than enough in the month we are in to cut our cloth at the time. Pensions are fine (husband currently serving millionth year in military, I have military pension and pension from my current job) but from reading the comments will rethink things a little. Or maybe just view saved maintenance as savings Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 22:38

Katherine, because we spend a lot each month on experiences and 'stuff' so if we needed to pay it off we could, by cutting down when we needed to. I suppose we have always worked on the premise that we could respond as opposed to pre-empt.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 13/08/2019 22:42

I think it's great you've saved the maintenance for the kids if you are able to 'maintain' them daily without needing to use it. I would leave that if you can.

Do you have things like mortgage protection insurance and critical illness cover?

I would try and put something away each month, even if it's only £25.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 13/08/2019 22:45

What should I be saving for?

I'm a worrier when it comes to money so off the top of my head my biggest worry would be what we would do if one of us lost our job or were off sick long term or what if DS or a family member was ill and one of us needed to take a few months off work? We couldn't pay all bills with one income, we would have to be able to muddle through on savings. Then general life: need a new tv/laptop/white goods, roof needs fixed, car needs a repair, Christmas presents, holidays... we don't need to worry about these because we always have our savings.

Like I say though, I'm a worrier. I couldn't sleep without a decent buffer!

TheInvestigator · 13/08/2019 22:46

What if one of you dies? Or is seriously injured? Or your house burns down and you need to pay for somewhere to live whilst waiting for insurance etc.

Original poster
thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 22:49

The investigator death is well covered although obviously hoping it doesn't quite come to that. If we needed to live on my husband's income without mine we could-it would pay the bills and feed us. My money goes on the other stuff and the menagerie of animals! I think people are probably right here though, my 40 year old self maybe needs to start adulting better and Escape Rooming less. How very depressing!

OP posts:
Jayaywhynot · 13/08/2019 22:52

Why worry about what others think, enjoy your life, sounds like you are! Personally, being a single parent, money was always a worry so I've always tried to put a bit aside. This was due to if anything went wrong it was on me, no one to help. I currently have £10k+ stashed away, grown up DD but I still dont touch it and still add to it. My mind set is still "what if something goes wrong". I'm in full time employment, 20 plus yrs in same job

Wildorchidz · 13/08/2019 22:52

Yes you should save. Treat savings as a bill. Set up an account and transfer x amount to that account every month.

username678889 · 13/08/2019 22:53

The maintenance is for you to buy dc costs like , food , clothes etc not to save for your dc .
I'd use some of the money for your running costs for dc then maybe save some for your dc and some for you to save it's your money not your dc .

superfudge · 13/08/2019 22:53

Yikes, this thread is making me think. Living in the South East with high housing costs and childcare fees means very limited opportunities to save much but I feel a little foolish now.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 13/08/2019 22:53

If we needed to live on my husband's income without mine we could

Could you manage the other way around though? If your husband was ill or out of work could you live on your salary?

Being an adult is terrible. Thanks God for gin!

PooWillyBumBum · 13/08/2019 22:57

Your sister is U for judging you for your lifestyle but if I were you I’d have a year or 18 months with fewer festivals and day trips (or maybe cheaper ones) and build up some savings. Much better to know they’re there then have to rely on a nasty credit card or borrow from kids,

WalkAwaySugarbear · 13/08/2019 22:58

We have 3 months income in savings. We had to replace our Washing Machine this month which was no issue. Having been through redundancy and then having to take a lower paying job to get an income, there's no way I'd forgo that security cushion again.

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