Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to think depression isn't an excuse for not walking a dog

68 replies

cowsoy · 13/08/2019 20:32

Or at least arranging for someone else to walk it. Someone I know suffers depression and their dog is left unwalked.

I feel quite sorry for the dog and a bit annoyed at the person. Perhaps I could offer to walk the dog for them? I'm worried though that they might just expect me to walk it forever...

On the other hand, I do understand that people with depression can be physically unable to get out of bed, so I am partly being unreasonable.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Original poster

cowsoy · 13/08/2019 21:49

To Shplot:

Very sorry to hear that. Does help me understand this person's situation a bit better. Glad you're now feeling better. Thanks for the advice :) Will suggest walking the dog together.

OP posts:

serialtester · 13/08/2019 21:50

OP - you sound lovely

charliesweb · 13/08/2019 21:55

I forgotten I'd name changed for another thread @serialtester and nearly didn't recognise myself!
Depression is so hard to explain and understand if you've not experienced it before. I've been guilty of saying to close relative in the past "get dressed, eat something etc" without understanding that they couldn't.
OP you sound very kind and thoughtful. In my experience it's a rare person who listens to the experiences of someone with depression and really takes on board what is being said.
M

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 13/08/2019 22:01

I think offering to walk the dog is a great idea. My grandma suffered from such severe depression she was hospitalised on many occasions, and had ECT several times - she was desperate to have a dog for company after she was widowed, at which point she was quite stable, but she was afraid she might relapse and not be able to walk or care for the dog. She actually got a lovely older female rescue cat who was a gentle companion until she (gran) died, then lived the rest of her years with my aunt.

On the flip-side, my mum was really mentally unwell after my dad died suddenly, and forcing herself out to walk the dog actually really helped her. She still maintains that if she hadn’t had to get dressed and leavevthe house twice a day for him, she might have stayed in bed for a year.

GabsAlot · 13/08/2019 22:04

Yes offer to walk the dog-pets are good for depression maybe a cat would have been better but they might not have been depressed when they first got it

Idontwanttotalk · 13/08/2019 22:30

Well it depends on the severity of the depression. My relative's CPN is useless and operates from his text book learning - no common sense. He is always banging on to my relative about getting a dog.

In an ideal world having a dog is great. it gives you exercise, someone else to think about and even stroking a dog is good for anxiety. However, when you literally sleep 20 hours per day and are still exhausted when up (confirmed by a sleep clinic) and can't function on a daily basis and take care of yourself, how the heck are you capable of caring for a pet?

Never mind that my relative doesn't go out and smokes indoors. I've told the CPN my thoughts about it not being fair on a dog but he still bangs on about it.

You don't necessarily know the extent of someone''s depression and some are most definitely incapable of walking a dog.

Considering you are annoyed at them, I don't think you should offer to walk their dog. An offer should really come from a place of kindness and a real wish to help.

WanderingTrolley1 · 13/08/2019 22:33

You’ve never suffered with depression, have you, OP?!

Perunatop · 13/08/2019 22:39

Walking the dog would actually help their depression, exercise and fresh air not to mention interacting with the dog. Some depressed people do not want to help themselves sadly.

Cryalot2 · 13/08/2019 22:39

It is a horrible illness. But no two people are often affected the same. Help also varies greatly .
There were times when I had severe stress and anxiety getting dressed had me a sobbing wreck . Dh has it and totally different affected.
In our case our dog has been a saving factor. But she does not need much walks . I would hate to be judged for this.

iklboo · 14/08/2019 20:09

Some depressed people do not want to help themselves sadly.

Sorry?

Mishappening · 15/08/2019 09:46

Perunatop - crass platitudes from someone who knows nothing of the reality of clinical depression.

Walking the dog might indeed be a good thing to do - but how to achieve this when you can't get out of bed and are a sobbing heap? Maybe people with clinical depression should just pull themselves together?

Some depressed people do not want to help themselves - is this for real? - in the 21st century? On planet earth?

Get real Perunatop - you have not walked a mile in the shoes of someone with serious clinical depression. Maybe you should.

Curious2468 · 15/08/2019 10:28

Yabu

Depression sucks and they probably feel horribly guilty about the unwalked dog

Finding a dog walker is expensive but also involves having to research, make calls, meet with people etc all of which may well be outside their capability atm

ThatCurlyGirl · 15/08/2019 10:37

I've been through suicidal periods OP and FWIW I don't think you sounded judgemental - it's impossible to understand how debilitating depression can get if you haven't experienced it.

As a dog lover I totally get where you're coming from. My pet probably saved my life at times as she was the only reason I had to get up - to feed her etc.

Offering to walk the dog is a lovely gesture as is offering an ear - I never really spoke to my friends about what I was going through as I tend to go into hibernation mode but knowing they would be there and still love me when I was ready / if I needed them was a godsend. I lost many who didn't understand and don't blame them, I'm just eternally grateful for the ones who were there throughout and when I emerged again.

You can't force someone to get help, and sometimes I'm not even sure how I got better, but offering kindness and letting them know if they do need you you're there is a powerful thing.

Hoping your friend feels lifted out of these feelings as soon as she can and thank you for being kind and wanting to understand.

MrsTommyBanks · 15/08/2019 10:42

Some depressed people do not want to help themselves sadly

Seriously? I cant believe I've just read this in 2019.

ThatCurlyGirl · 15/08/2019 10:42

@wolfiefan and @Ohyesiam I have done similar. A glass of water and I’m really thirsty but I can’t make myself reach out and pick it up to take a drink.

Same here - and I can't understand why I felt like this, but it was a very real feeling like yours and felt insurmountable, absolutely impossible.

Sometimes I felt like I was frozen but silently screaming and other times I felt totally and utterly numb.

Agree with others it's too much to expect people who haven't been through it to understand really. I can't even make sense of it myself and I've been there many times.

Sorry to those who have been through it too

TheYeaSayer · 15/08/2019 10:45

It’s depressing that despite lots of efforts to publicise mental health issues, promote understanding and remove stigma, there are still people who think like some posters on here (I don’t mean the OP).

U2HasTheEdge · 15/08/2019 11:18

Some depressed people do not want to help themselves sadly

What a stupid and cruel thing to say.

I am glad you are going to offer to walk the dog OP.

MrsPMT · 15/08/2019 11:40

Good on you, OP for caring and for listening to advice. I suffer from depression which varies in severity, mostly walking my dogs is great for my mental health but I get periods where I'm on a real low and things like the dog reacting to another dog can just cascade into a mountain of negative thoughts so its easier not to try.

At these times I find it really helpful to go walking with a friend, it lessens the mental load, you can chat together if something goes wrong and it doesn't descend into disaster.

So offering to take the dog for a walk could be a start to getting the person out for a walk too (would do thumbs up sign if MN had it)

Flip

1 2 3