To think these wedding guests are CFs

[TranquilityofSolitude]

DD1 got married last weekend. We had a brilliant time, everything went really well and we adore DSonIL - a good result all round.

However, AIBU to feel really shabbily treated by some of DH's relatives?

When DD1 first announced her engagement they were all over us on social media, tagging us all in anything wedding-related and talking about dieting etc for the big day. In the run-up they've been messaging me all the time about the accommodation we booked for them and all kinds of other details. In addition, they offered to help to look after MIL (sister/aunt to the relatives in question) who has dementia on the day and to make sure she was always with someone, which was helpful.

On the day of the wedding we received a call from the guest house they'd asked us to book for two nights to say they hadn't turned up. It turns out they'd decided not to stay over after all. Because they hadn't cancelled and it was booked in our name we have had to pay for it - £360! We live in a good place for a holiday and the guest house owner could easily have found someone else to fill the rooms if only they'd let him know.

At the wedding itself they turned up 2 minutes before DD, scuttled in looking dressed for another occasion entirely, and then left straight after the meal at the reception.

Today we paid the guest house - the owner kindly let us off half of it and agreed we only needed to pay £180 - but I am really, really annoyed. They are well-off and could easily have afforded to pay for it. Weddings are expensive - we will have spent at least £220 on their meals and drinks for the evening - and we could have done without this extra expense.

I was doing quite a good job of letting it go until DD went through the wedding list today and let slip that the four of them had spent a total of £8 on her wedding present

I wish we hadn't felt obliged to invite them and had asked some nice people instead!

Yes very CF. I would've told them that you had to pay the guest house bill on their behalf. What were they thinking!

Haven’t you mentioned the guest house fees to them?! You absolutely need to get it off them if at all possible! The other stuff is pretty shocking too but you can’t really say anything to them about that 😕

YANBU - they were very rude.
Had this at our wedding - sent invites asking how many would like coach transport from wedding venue to reception venue to make life easier, knowing we’d be serving alcohol with the canapés straight after and not having to have people missing out as designated drivers. Dozens said yes, so booked and paid for a two executive coaches.
Three people used one coach. I could’ve just booked a taxi for them.
Such a thoughtless waste of money because people couldn’t be arsed to let me know they were taking cars instead.

I would send the invoice from the hotel directly to them and ask them to pay what they owe you!

Has DH asked them about it? Was somebody maybe ill or having a crisis?

PuppyMonkey I wondered the same, but other relatives have heard from them since and there are pictures of them all in a pub on Facebook from the following day.

I would send them your PayPal details for payment.

I'd definitely be asking them to reimburse the money you paid for the B& they didn't cancel. CFs, and TBs (Tight Bastards) to boot.

Yep, just tell them they have a bill from the guest house and send your bank details. You can forward on the original email asking for payment from the guest house (assuming it was in writing?)

Tell them about the guest house and ask them to pay half (which will actually be all)
£360 for one night is a heck of a lot, you were very generous to pay for it at all - how many people was it?

I would struggle with this.

I know you have to let the crappy gift and wrong attire go, but I do think the hotel bill needs highlighted.

Maybe message them

‘ hope you enjoyed the day, I was sorry we didn’t see more of you all. Just wanted to check if you cancelled he hotel. We have been asked to settle your bill, and have done so because the guest house say they didn’t receive a cancellation. Should we challenge this, or did your forget. If so, it was £180 (they halved the bill as a gesture of good will).’

The only acceptable reason would be a family emergency, although they were in the pub the following day, maybe they had an emergency prior and during the wedding day.

They’re CFs. Ask them to pay you back.

I would ask for the hotel money back, why haven’t you? You’re crazy!

I would message them
"Thanks for coming to dd's and sil wedding. We wish you could have stayed longer. As you know, there was accomodation booked for you as you requested. As you didn't use it we have managed to get the bill down to half the price, please forward the amount to the following:...."

Ask them to pay for the guest house and the meal they failed to show up to You have nothing to lose at this point, since they've shown what they think of you and you probably won't want much more to do with them going forward after that behaviour.

Your daughter went through the list to work out how much people spent on gifts?

Definitely tell them you want reimbursement for the no show. At least half of the original total, even if you didn't pay it.

What have they said about the bill?

£360 was for bed & breakfast for 4 people for 2 nights.

DH hasn't asked them for the money (yet) because he wants to be completely certain that there wasn't any kind of crisis etc. I am sure that we would know if there had been.

I know it's unreasonable for me to mind about presents etc. I wouldn't really care if it weren't for the accommodation as well. DD1 is young - only 21 - and she only graduated from university a couple of weeks ago. She wasn't sure that having a wedding list wasn't grabby but I assured her that people would want to buy them presents, especially as they are just starting out and haven't got any household stuff at all. She put some really cheap things on the list because a lot of the friends they invited are students or also just graduating. It was a bit of a surprise to find that the cheapest thing on the list had been shared by 4 of DH's relatives :D

Send them an invoice. Presumably they knew it was booked as they told you they wouldn’t now be staying. Wankers.

Gamerchick - the shop sent a list of who had purchased what to ask where DD would like it delivered. I think that's normal. They've written a note with it (online) to say it was from all four of them too.

That is shocking, of course they are CFs! SO rude and thoughtless.

Gamerchick - the shop sent a list of who had purchased what to ask where DD would like it delivered. I think that's normal. They've written a note with it (online) to say it was from all four of them too

Thankyou, that sounds better than the picture in my head.

Man, I'm never ordering from a list if it does that though

8 quid? What did the buy, a pair of coffee mugs?

Yes, complete CF's. Send them a bill for the B&B with a note that they didn't cancel in time to avoid the charges.

They sound hideous! I'd definitely have to say something regarding the cost of the guest house. They are inexplicably rude!