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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these wedding guests are CFs

60 replies

TranquilityofSolitude · 13/08/2019 18:45

DD1 got married last weekend. We had a brilliant time, everything went really well and we adore DSonIL - a good result all round.

However, AIBU to feel really shabbily treated by some of DH's relatives?

When DD1 first announced her engagement they were all over us on social media, tagging us all in anything wedding-related and talking about dieting etc for the big day. In the run-up they've been messaging me all the time about the accommodation we booked for them and all kinds of other details. In addition, they offered to help to look after MIL (sister/aunt to the relatives in question) who has dementia on the day and to make sure she was always with someone, which was helpful.

On the day of the wedding we received a call from the guest house they'd asked us to book for two nights to say they hadn't turned up. It turns out they'd decided not to stay over after all. Because they hadn't cancelled and it was booked in our name we have had to pay for it - £360! We live in a good place for a holiday and the guest house owner could easily have found someone else to fill the rooms if only they'd let him know.

At the wedding itself they turned up 2 minutes before DD, scuttled in looking dressed for another occasion entirely, and then left straight after the meal at the reception.

Today we paid the guest house - the owner kindly let us off half of it and agreed we only needed to pay £180 - but I am really, really annoyed. They are well-off and could easily have afforded to pay for it. Weddings are expensive - we will have spent at least £220 on their meals and drinks for the evening - and we could have done without this extra expense.

I was doing quite a good job of letting it go until DD went through the wedding list today and let slip that the four of them had spent a total of £8 on her wedding present Grin

I wish we hadn't felt obliged to invite them and had asked some nice people instead!

OP posts:
Alb1 · 13/08/2019 19:42

I’m assuming they were suppose to pay for it when they arrived there? A crisis seems unlikely, surly they’d have told you by now. I’d be annoyed about the gift too in the circumstances

cardibach · 13/08/2019 19:42

Even in a crisis I’d expect someone to have let the accommodation know - or at the least to let me know and ask me to sort the accommodation.

NoSquirrels · 13/08/2019 19:43

Did they realise when they asked you to book the accommodation that they would be paying for it? Or did they think you were paying - and when they realised their mistake they made other, cheaper plans?

They sound very hard up.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/08/2019 19:44

Why on earth haven’t you text them to get them to pay you?!

If there was a crisis they’ll tell you and you can politely point out that they still owe you money but if you just pay it then no wonder they trample all over you!

ThatsWotSheSaid · 13/08/2019 19:45

Something doesn’t add up here. Has your DD done something accidentally to offend them? Could they have sent a card with money that has been overlooked? Very odd behaviour.

Byorderofthepeakyblinders · 13/08/2019 19:47

I would be raging- I would definitely be sending them a bill for it!

Bearbehind · 13/08/2019 19:48

This does sound like they are deliberately trying to make you all ‘pay’ for something.

Are you sure that’s not the case?

Motoko · 13/08/2019 19:48

Of course there was no crisis! They're just bastards. If there had been a crisis, they'd have let you know, and wouldn't have gone to the wedding.

Def get the money off them. I'd be tempted to ask for the full amount, and give the other £180 to DD and SIL, as a proper wedding present from them!

ReasonedCamper · 13/08/2019 19:50

So they asked you to book the accommodation on the understanding that they would pay when they arrived or checked out?

Or would you have paid had they stayed?

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 13/08/2019 19:51

Yes, they should have let the guest house know. But you would have had to pay anyway, and you ended up getting it at a discount. Why is your daughter discussing value of wedding gifts. She sounds really cheeky herself.

KurriKurri · 13/08/2019 19:53

What happened with the lady with dementia - very mean of them to say they'd look after her and then not do it, obviously I'm sure she was very well looked after by others, but it added a responsibilty you thought had been covered.

As for the B an B and the cheapskate wedding present - words fail me. Never invite them to anything else, send them a rotten old fish in the post.

NameChangedForTheDay · 13/08/2019 19:53

I'd be telling them they need to pay up.

SuzieQ10 · 13/08/2019 19:54

DH should certainly speak to them about this. That's a lot of money to waste and you deserve an explanation. Much better if he handles it as it's his family.. sooner rather than later.

(I also think an £8 wedding gift from 4 people is odd and a little disrespect)

Original poster
TranquilityofSolitude · 13/08/2019 19:56

DH's relatives asked us to book accommodation for all of them because they all wanted to stay in the same place. There was never a suggestion that we pay for it and the other relatives who stayed there paid their own bills when they checked out.

I don't think anything has happened that could have offended them. We don't see a lot of them but are in touch for birthdays/Christmas/occasions etc.

OP posts:
SeriouslyEnoughAlreadyNow · 13/08/2019 19:57

Why is your daughter discussing value of wedding gifts. She sounds really cheeky herself.

Hmm seriously? People spend more than that for the birthday gift of a child they don't even know, it's ridiculous. Why wouldn't a daughter discussing such details with her own mother anyway? It's hardly a secret.
HeyYouWhatToDo · 13/08/2019 19:58

They're cf-ers. We had some at our wedding.
We paid for a room, they came to wedding, ate the meal (week before wedding they decided they were veggie and we needed to order a veggie meal for them, then complained risotto was a boring option), and left. They had emptied the room of the toiletries before they left.

Then found out they had organised a meal and stay in a hotel close to where we live with family and didn't invite us.

These cf-ers were my mil and fil!!!! Meal was with all DHS siblings !!!

Don't let it ruin the wedding X x

Original poster
TranquilityofSolitude · 13/08/2019 20:02

To be completely clear, DD is not discussing the value of wedding gifts. Being very young, she and her DH are staying with us until we help them move into their own place next week. She's getting emails from the shop about her wedding presents and it's been lovely to see how generous people have been and the messages they have left about the gifts they have chosen. It's only me being unreasonable about the present they chose in the light of what I know about the hotel rooms. DD doesn't know about that because we don't want to spoil anything about their day for them.

OP posts:
Dieu · 13/08/2019 20:03

They should definitely repay you, but why is it being left to you to sort it out? Your son-in-law and daughter should deal with it, as it's their wedding after all.

Ginger1982 · 13/08/2019 20:03

So is this DH's siblings?

Original poster
TranquilityofSolitude · 13/08/2019 20:08

No, not DH's sibling, but MIL (with dementia)'s sibling and her family. So DH's aunt and cousin and their spouses.

Hoping DD2 will want a smaller wedding and we won't feel obliged to ask them!

OP posts:
ShhhBeQuiet · 13/08/2019 20:10

.

eddielizzard · 13/08/2019 20:10

How revolting of them. So they didn't look after MIL either then?

katewhinesalot · 13/08/2019 20:14

I second billing them for £360 and giving the other money to dd - or perhaps pay the guest house owner the whole amount as they have been kind to you.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 13/08/2019 20:14

I wouldn’t invite them again and certainly wouldn’t be booking accommodation

PennyGold · 13/08/2019 20:15

Oh my gosh they're completely out of order and they should pay. However I'd be tempted to just 'write it off' to not spoil the 'wedding bubble', just take comfort that it wasn't any of your family (the groom is probably absolutely mortified).
We had something similar at our wedding DHs dads siblings said they were coming and then just didn't turn up on the day.. no text, nothing (so much money wasted on food). We didn't say anything and haven't contacted them since, as far as my DH is concerned he's done with them.