Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Facebook grandparents are embarrassing?

29 replies

Spinningjennys · 13/08/2019 10:02

I may well be BU but I’m so frustrated.
Full story- DD was born 10 months ago, DP mum was constantly posting about my pregnancy on Facebook, posting scans etc.
DP and I split up when I was 7 months gone. Didn’t hear off MIL despite me messaging, when DD was born she came round when she was 1 week old. Me and DP worked things out when DD was about 12 weeks and that’s fine, but MIL in my eyes makes absolutely no effort with DD.
She will pop round maybe once every 3 weeks for about 30 min, it all came to a head when DD was about 5 months and MIL insisted she wanted more time with her. So I proceeded to ask her on her days off if she wanted to take DD out in pram, if she wanted to come look at nurserys with us, if she wanted me to drop her off fr an hour. Nothing. There is always a reason she won’t so I don’t even understand why she caused such a scene about seeing her ?
But what really grates on me is she is constantly taking my photos off my Instagram- and posting them. With be most lovely comments about her amazing granddaughter. AIBU to be annoyed by this? I just find it all so fake and it’s really starting to upset me that my DD is missing out on a grandma for absolutely no reason

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 13/08/2019 10:06

Block her and set your SM to totally private.
My MIL did this too.

Original poster
Spinningjennys · 13/08/2019 10:07

@clangus00 did it annoy you? I can’t tell if I’m just being protective and petty but I just don’t understand her thought process

OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 13/08/2019 10:08

Wel you're obviously annoyed at your MIL, but "Facebook grandparents" is a sweeping generalisation and unjustified. Maybe MIL would prefer to see DGD when you are around so she doesn't have to be fully responsible for her and can enjoy the fun bits.

Original poster
Spinningjennys · 13/08/2019 10:10

@FuzzyPuffling but I’ve offered this too, and that’s when she then told us she wants more time alone with her but has never taken us up on it. I just feel like my DD is missing out on a grandma when she obviouslt does want involvement because she posts all my pictures I just don’t have a clue how to make it better

OP posts:
NoSauce · 13/08/2019 10:12

Have you asked her why she wanted more time with DD but hasn’t taken you up on it?

Singlenotsingle · 13/08/2019 10:16

Has DD got another dgm? Your DM? Concentrate on her.

Original poster
Spinningjennys · 13/08/2019 10:17

Sorry no I should have said my DM passed away a couple of years ago. My grandma died the same week so it was a tough time.
I grew up really close with my mum and grandma . My grandma was so hands on she was an amazing woman, I have so many happy memories with her. And I want the same for my DD

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 13/08/2019 10:20

Oh what a shame. I'm sorry.

NoSauce · 13/08/2019 10:22

OP talk to her. Find out whether she actually wants a relationship with your DD or she’s just faking it on FB.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 13/08/2019 10:25

Easy way to stop this: set blocks. It's also easily explained away, in that many parents don't want pictures of their DC on social media, and for very legitimate reasons (I don't post pictures of DC on any forum that doesn't have restricted access). If challenged you could simply say you've changed your stance on this.

NB. This isn't a recommendation to cut off contact with the child entirely. If DGM wants a relationship with her DGC, she knows where to come.

BogglesGoggles · 13/08/2019 10:27

So just remove her from your Instagram/stop posting yourself.

FuzzyPuffling · 13/08/2019 10:27

I'd just stop offering. She'll come round if she wants. Also, although you had an amazing grandma (and I'm sorry you're missing her so much) you can't replicate that relationship.

You CAN be an amazing mum though (and may wel be!) so focus on that. Your DD will be fine.

Clangus00 · 13/08/2019 10:30

@Spinningjennys it annoyed the hell out of me!
There’s far too big a back story for me to go into. We went NC a while ago.

MrsGrammaticus · 13/08/2019 10:43

Confront. Go see her. Tell her you'd lov her to spend time with grand daughter....ask, why on earth won't she? What's stopping her???
Say, you're a bit baffled by the social media stuff whilst the lack of actual contact persists....take it from there.

MrsGrammaticus · 13/08/2019 10:45

Personally I don't think people should post pictures of other peoples kids without their permission, but perhaps that's just me. Even with my own older kids I ask before putting stuff on FB. It's not a god given right to do that IMO.

mordecaithomas · 13/08/2019 10:47

I'd say something to her about it. And I totally understand why you find it annoying too. She has no right to take things from your profiles and repost them. Set everything to private so she isn't able to do so.

But I'd definitely say something especially as she moaned about wanting more time then does fuck all about it.

Curiousdad18 · 13/08/2019 10:51

My DM is like this. Wants pictures but never bothers coming to see her granddaughter. She has a standing invitation to come on Saturdays but is always busy "washing her hair" or some other idiotic excuse.

My advice is leave it be - don't ask her to come anymore but if she asks make her welcome. You can't force her to see her granddaughter if she can't be bothered. It's her loss in the end.

movingontosomethingnew · 13/08/2019 10:54

My mil is like this, I send her pictures to keep her in the loop and she posts them on social media and makes out she sees them all the time. I can't remember the last time she saw them.

It's frustrating. I have said to her about it, have you? My mil is always too busy.

Original poster
Spinningjennys · 13/08/2019 11:50

Okay so I’m not alone!
What’s the best way to approach it ? To be honest I’m abit intimidated by her. She believes she’s always right and I feel like I’ll just get shot down

OP posts:
Hithere12 · 13/08/2019 11:55

Maybe comment under one of her Facebook posts “can you see her anytime this month?” Lol

Redglitter · 13/08/2019 11:56

Your title is very unfair and a bit of a generalisation. Plenty grandparents are on FB and aren't in the least bit embarrassing.

Your problem isn't Facebook it's your mother

happinessischocolate · 13/08/2019 12:07

Maybe comment under one of her Facebook posts “can you see her anytime this month?” Lol

Yep, and maybe say oh I love this photo, my friend took it last week.

Make it obvious she didn't take the photo and she hasn't seen her dgc maybe she'll stop posting 😁

Original poster
Spinningjennys · 13/08/2019 12:08

@redglitter
I mean people who are solely ‘ Facebook grandparents ‘ for example looking from an outsiders perspective they look doting and besotted- when it’s quite the opposite. it’s my DP mother.

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 13/08/2019 12:24

MIL is the same although she lives a few hours away she rarely calls, sees the kids maybe once a year, twice at most. She’s the only grandparent they have so I do wish she were more interested. Its hard.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 13/08/2019 12:36

The Facebook stuff is how she appears to other people

The not making an effort is how she treats her GD.

I agree the Facebook stuff is annoying but I think the real issue is how she treats your DD and its unrelated to how other people perceive her relationship with your DD

I dont think there is a solution unfortunately - if she doesnt want a relationship then forcing it wont achieve anything other than awkwardness and resentment

You could ask her - nicely - eg is everything ok with you MiL? You've asked to spend more time with DD and I've asked you to these 4 things over the past 3 weeks and you've not been able to join us. What would work better for you?'

If there is some sort of issue e.g feels more comfortable in her own home or cant stand getting out of bed in a morning maybe you'll be able to work round it. I suspect nothing will change but at least you'll have tried. Maybe things will change when your DD is older

Swipe left for the next trending thread