Have I been dumped

[Brownleathersofa]

As a friend?
I’ll try not to drip feed and keep it short but a male friend of mine and I did used to have very intense contact . We saw each other in the office every day and our friendship continued in the evenings, weekends and holidays through text messaging. He always started the messaging and things got a little intense when he started to compliments and make personal comments that were complimentary and crossing the line . I asked him to pull back. He didn’t and take my shame o went along with it .
He met a lady and continue the contact with me for nearly a year . Not as gushing but still inappropriate for a man in a relationship with a new person. I pulled back and then he started to pull back too. In the last number of months he has really detached which is good but I get the feeling that he was pushed into this by his girlfriend who was well entitled to call him out. He said that we had to naturally pull away from each other but we would always be there for each other . I don’t understand how I am feeling about this as this is exactly what I wanted but now that he has practically pulled the plug on us as friends , I feel strange and cannot process it. Any ideas please? FWIW no romantic or sexual feelings on my part. I am not remotely attracted to him .

Have you posted about this before? Seems very familiar.

Anyway it is what it is. Forget about it and move on

Hi. Never posted about this issue before . It’s a new circumstance . Thank you

He prob had feelings that were not platonic so cutting contact is the best thing to do.

Meh...friendships are often transient and dependent of circumstances. This must be one like that. In two years you won’t think of him at all. Let it go and don’t worry.

Thanks for the reassurance. I hoped it wasn’t transient.we have known each other years and have shared many ups and downs.I valued it very much and feel a little sad now.

We still work together.Did I do something wrong ?

Any other ideas on this please?Or opinions? I’m struggling to process this, and my feelings.thanks

You probably didn’t do anything wrong. He’s in a relationship with a woman who likely doesn’t want him texting other women.

I cannot blame her . He used to text multiple times per day but not usually when he was with her. He used to tag me on sm with lots of double entendres which I never responded to but if I had a boyfriend and he had done that to a female friend , I would have been angry. He stopped doing that when he stopped contact .

Yep...his gf probably doesn’t encourage the friendship so he’s backed off.

It seems so extreme when he has always been upset when his friends dumped him when they got into relationships and their girlfriends started to dictate who they could see and not see .he was quite vocal in his disrespect for that.i hope i didn’t do anything wrong.

Sounds like your friendship slightly breached a few boundaries. You're prob grieving the good bits of your friendship. How you're feeling is normal it'll just take time

Thanks I hope so as I feel kinda rejected and sad

It doesn’t sound to me like you were actually ‘friends’ - he liked you, you liked the attention, he moved on and now you feel neglected.

It’s time to move on.

Yes you are right . That sums it up I guess

It seems that he was unable to be just friends. It’s for the best, though obviously a bit sad.

Keep busy, try some new things, you’re bound to feel a loss.

Definitely seen this before on here.

@Brownleathersofa yes your male friend prefers his girlfriend to you.

Move on.

Of course he prefers his girlfriend to me!!! They are two completely different relationships ! I didn’t feel the necessity to have lost his friendship just coz he gained a girlfriend . It seems that he couldn’t have both ,in a healthy way .

If it was just friends on his part, then maybe you could've stayed friends.

However I feel it was more than that for him so his GF felt it was inappropriate, or maybe even he did himself as his relationship with her progressed.

Your friendship was a bit skewed anyway, you didn't feel the same way he did about you, so it's bound to end at some point as you both get older. I dare say OP if you had a serious relationship yourself your partner wouldn't be too impressed at a male friend constantly texting you either.

Yes and thank you. I get the impression that he is trying to let me down gently , almost
Like he is breaking Up with me except it’s a friendship rather than a relationship!
He has been particularly stressed over the last number of months and I have found him to be quite draining. He has ignored advice and continued to do what has made him stressed so I felt exhausted from him. Despite this, I feel sad and rejected now. I have explained that I would like to take
The heaviness out of the friendship and that I do not think that all out contact is fair on his relationship . He agreed and seems happy . Why do I still feel sad though?

You've posted about this before

Tbh your thread title " have I been dumped" says it all

Let him crack on

Also if he's "draining" you and "exhausting" you, then more reason to just leave him to it and you get on with your marriage

I'm sure a fair few of us have had situations with close friends get a new partner and be pushed out,you have your life and he has his

My marriage? Wrong thread I’m afraid but thanks. I have my own life but I am sad because of it

Sounds like you just miss the attention. Maybe find someone else to fawn over you?

That is unpleasant ! I do not miss that. I miss the friendship