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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have I been dumped

42 replies

Brownleathersofa · 12/08/2019 20:06

As a friend?
I’ll try not to drip feed and keep it short but a male friend of mine and I did used to have very intense contact . We saw each other in the office every day and our friendship continued in the evenings, weekends and holidays through text messaging. He always started the messaging and things got a little intense when he started to compliments and make personal comments that were complimentary and crossing the line . I asked him to pull back. He didn’t and take my shame o went along with it .
He met a lady and continue the contact with me for nearly a year . Not as gushing but still inappropriate for a man in a relationship with a new person. I pulled back and then he started to pull back too. In the last number of months he has really detached which is good but I get the feeling that he was pushed into this by his girlfriend who was well entitled to call him out. He said that we had to naturally pull away from each other but we would always be there for each other . I don’t understand how I am feeling about this as this is exactly what I wanted but now that he has practically pulled the plug on us as friends , I feel strange and cannot process it. Any ideas please? FWIW no romantic or sexual feelings on my part. I am not remotely attracted to him .

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 12/08/2019 23:02

Maybe I'm getting mixed up with the thread that's near on identical as this

I have to agree with PP in thinking you actually miss his attention being on you.

Original poster

Brownleathersofa · 12/08/2019 23:05

If Posters think that then I have truly
Misrepresented the upset I feel about the end of the friendship and have been unclear. I have cats that give
me attention Thanks for reading
.

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 12/08/2019 23:38

Well that's me told

PumpkinPieAlibi · 13/08/2019 00:36

Definitely seen this on here before and I haven't even been around that long.

FifteenYemenRoadYemen · 13/08/2019 01:00

Seems you enjoyed his attention and having him at your fingertips, being able to tell him to stop when you wanted and then resume accepting the attention when you wanted it again.

Now that he has stopped, reality has hit you and you miss that attention and control.

Fortunately for him, it's good that he has let go and here's hoping the two of them are happy together. Perhaps take this as a lesson to not play with people, you were hot and cold and it was always on your terms, that's not right or healthy. So, take it as a lesson learned.

MRex · 13/08/2019 05:53

I gave you advice on two of your last three threads about this. You're obsessive about this man and it's very unhealthy. As you apparently can't be honest about the situation with us nor even yourself, with small tweaks in the story each time, it's hard to know what you've exaggerated about his behaviour. Anyway, yes you've been dumped, now move on and consider getting some counselling in how you relate to others.

WomblingBy · 13/08/2019 06:28

I’m not sure what you’re looking for by posting do many times about this. He may or may not have had a crush on you. But now he’s met someone he wants to be in a relationship with and is doing the right thing by distancing himself from you. It sounds as though you actually do have romantic feelings for him but don’t realise it for whatever reason - maybe he’s not your usual type and you’re unable to reconcile that in your mind. In any case he’s not available and is telling you that.

Original poster

Brownleathersofa · 13/08/2019 08:44

I have just woken up and read the replies from overnight and I am baffled to say the least. Mrex I’ve never before seen your username so have never read any of your posts or replies! I seemingly have been dumped by my friend.I am terribly sad about that loss.I don’t need his attention. I enjoyed the friendship and am cut up that he needed to do this.I thought I had done something to upset him but I can’t think of what that may be.There has been a thread started about posters being unkind and hurting others when they are upset and this is a good example of that.We may not be face to face but that does not lessen the hurt when posters kick you when you’re down.To be called obsessive and advised to get help is cruel and completely untrue. I’m just a person who has lost a good friend and I’m trying to cope with that.Thanks to the posters who offered measured advice based on the truth as I told it .

OP posts:

MRex · 13/08/2019 13:21

Ok, I'll look forward to your next thread that'll once again be about the same man and how he's still so into you that he still doesn't talk to you. At the point you're ready to accept that you could be moving on from this, it'll be possible to help you.

JasonColbyStankers · 13/08/2019 13:35

He sounds like a user and an energy vampire, all about him and his problems.

I’ve had friends like this (male and female), and it’s confusing and exhausting.

It’s a shame you have to work together. I guess you’ll have to keep it polite and distant.

dollydaydream114 · 13/08/2019 14:02

Yeah, this seems familiar to me too; I'm pretty sure I've seen this same scenario recently on here.

Essentially, you can't have it both ways. When he was all over you, you were loving the attention and when he was paying you inappropriate compliments and flirting with you, you made it clear you didn't want a relationship with him.

Now he has met someone, and you're gutted that you don't have his full attention any more. Basically, you want him texting you compliments and paying you constant attention, but you don't want to be his girlfriend - what do you expect? He's accepted that you don't want to be with him, and he's moved on.

Your 'friendship' was never just a friendship. He wanted to go to bed with you.

You now seem obsessed with this bloke. He's moved on. You need to do the same.

Laiste · 13/08/2019 14:20

It was an unequal friendship and it could not go on as it was or turn into what you wanted.

It's nothing like the example you gave about his male friends being controlled by their girlfriends (unless he fancied the male friends!)

He had romantic feelings which weren't reciprocated by you, and the healthy and normal thing for him to do was find himself a girlfriend and back right away from you. And that's what he's done.

Why is this so hard for you to understand?

He's had to move on. You miss him. You'll get over it. It aint rocket science.

Laiste · 13/08/2019 14:23

Do you still work in the same place? Are you still trying to be in contact away from the office?

SavingSpaces2019 · 13/08/2019 16:22

I asked him to pull back. He didn’t and take my shame o went along with it
You went along with it because you secretly enjoyed the attention.
Now he's finally stopped you're feeling bereft.
You could have blocked him at anytime.

SparklyMagpie · 13/08/2019 16:43

It just boils down to a case of the green eyed monster.

You missed your chance and how he's happy with somebody else,you don't like it

SparklyMagpie · 13/08/2019 16:43

*now

dontfluffit · 13/08/2019 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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