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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find out the baby's gender?

37 replies

Toknowornot · 12/08/2019 15:01

So right now I technically have the option to pay privately and find out the gender of the baby I'm pregnant with.

My DH is adamant we wait to find out until we can get together with both of our family's (due to distance), but this will not happen for almost two months from now.

My DH's reasoning is that if I find out the gender then I will tell my mum over the phone and she will blurt it out to everyone she sees (this is what she did with announcing my pregnancy). He doesn't want my family or his family finding out over the phone, he wants it to be a surprise where we all find out at the same time. I kind of understand this, but I am very impatient.

My mum and MIL agree I should find out early. I can see DH's reasoning though.

What would you do? Start a row with DH to find out now or leave it for later? Do you agree with me or DH? AIBU to find out the baby's gender?

OP posts:
Minai · 12/08/2019 15:03

I would find out now and just tell both your families over the phone. If you are adamant you want to do it in person just don’t mention it to them until the agreed time.

peoniesandrosess · 12/08/2019 15:04

Can't you skype the ones that can't be there so that they are sort of there when you do the reveal? If i had to leave it another 2 months before finding out I'd be thinking i might aswell just wait a bit longer and find out once the babies born..

Nesssie · 12/08/2019 15:04

Find out.
Facetime and tell people. No one needs a big face to face event to tell the gender.

Colourfulest · 12/08/2019 15:05

Get ready for the inevitable "it's sex not gender" comments 😂

Oysterbabe · 12/08/2019 15:05

Can we all just agree that sex is technically the correct term and move past it? These things are usually marketed as gender scans so it's not surprising people say it.

JustbeaDentist · 12/08/2019 15:06

I think it's fair for you two to find out the sex now, but you shouldn't tell one set of parents until you can tell both.

BeanBag7 · 12/08/2019 15:07

"He wants it to be a surprise where we all find out at the same time"

How many people are we talking here? Parents and grandparents will probably be interested in knowing the sex, other family members probably dont care that much if they find out half an hour after everyone else. They will all find out eventually and it's not that much of a big deal!

Original poster
Toknowornot · 12/08/2019 15:11

How many people are we talking here?

Grandparents, aunts and uncles on both sides. If I found out now we would probably just tell everyone now because we are bad at keeping secrets.

OP posts:
TomHagenMakesMyBosomTremble · 12/08/2019 15:13

If you are so keen for everyone to find out together, don't find out at all! Then you all get a nice surprise at birth.

BeanBag7 · 12/08/2019 15:24

I wouldnt be too worried about aunts and uncles. I know my aunts and uncles and siblings wouldnt be that fussed about the baby's sex enough to need to find out in person. I mean, you say "it's a boy" and they all go "oh ok. Great" and get on with their lives - it doesnt really matter until the baby is born.

I would invite both sets of parents to a dinner and tell them together and then tell others over the phone or just let it filter through your parents to them.

Jemima232 · 12/08/2019 15:25

Why don't you just wait until the baby's born?

I don't understand the obsession with finding out what sex a baby is prenatally.

NoSauce · 12/08/2019 15:26

Does DH want a gender reveal party?

PixieLumos · 12/08/2019 15:41

Are you sure all these people are that excited about it? The gender I mean, not the baby obviously. People might be interested of course, but are all the aunts and uncles really excited to know if it’s a girl or a boy? If you want to know now find out - don’t inconvenience yourself for others who really probably aren’t as bothered as you DH thinks.

Bezalelle · 12/08/2019 15:51

I can't imagine anyone except me and DP caring about the sex of our child, let alone some bizarre ritual of telling them.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2019 15:53

Get ready for the inevitable "it's sex not gender" comments

Yep!

GladAllOver · 12/08/2019 15:58

Get ready for the inevitable "it's sex not gender" comments
Yes! Because it is sex not gender. This can't be said too many times.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2019 16:00

Yes! Because it is sex not gender. This can't be said too many times.

It can on the same thread where no-one's read the previous 50 posts pointing it out Grin

GladAllOver · 12/08/2019 16:03

While people in the same thread are still using 'gender' to describe a baby's sex, the message still needs repeating.

SilverySurfer · 12/08/2019 16:06

Colourfulest
Get ready for the inevitable "it's sex not gender" comments

Well they would be correct because it IS sex and NOT gender.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2019 16:07

And that ^^ proves my point about not RTFT Grin

Celebelly · 12/08/2019 16:10

It seems a lot of faff and stress tbh. We found out but figured it's probably not that interesting to a lot of people so we let close family who had indicated they were interested know individually and that was that. It doesn't need to be a circus.

Original poster
Toknowornot · 12/08/2019 16:11

They still call them gender scans?

www.ultrasound-direct.com/mobile/babybond-pregnancy-scans/gender-scan/

Anyways, no not a gender reveal party.

OP posts:
Pinkout · 12/08/2019 16:12

Just found out at birth, saves all the aggro.

3timeslucky · 12/08/2019 16:12

Why do your mum and MIL think you should find out the sex "early"?

If you want a nice surprise and everyone finding out at the same time waiting til the birth is probably your safest bet ;-)

SlowMoFuckingToes · 12/08/2019 16:12

I'd wait. It will be so much more fun to do it at a gathering. It's lovely so many people care and already love your baby.