To not have another baby because I hated my midwife?

[Reallywanttomovenow]

Me and Dp have been talking about having another baby, however I really don't know if I can deal with the district midwife again. There is only one midwife available to patients at our GP and the surrounding GPs won't cater to us because they only take patients from certain areas etc. So moving gps isn't an option.

I had a baby nearly 2 years ago and the midwife was terrible. I only saw her twice (despite being so ill that I was hospitalized) once to get my green notes, and once after baby was born. I couldn't get hold of her to make an appointment the whole 9 months :-S apart from one appointment here I was waiting for 40 mins. I had arrived early and she had left while I was waiting! I thought I saw her walk right past me but thought it was pregnancy brain or something, because my appointment time wasn't quite yet. Also, I had only met her once so wasn't entirely sure it was her. However I went to the desk after waiting 40 mins (this was quite common at my old GP which was massive and had 3 floors so it didn't occur to me to ask sooner) and they said that she had left. They encouraged me to make a complaint but I wasn't going to do that because I was worried she would be angry and give me even worse treatment (worse than not even treating me!)

Anyway, a couple of days after my missed appointment (couldn't get through to her work mobile and she never rang back when I left a voicemail) I went to hospital with braxton Hicks. And thank god I did. I was kept in for high blood pressure- I was fainting and feeling very faint daily. But couldn't get hold of midwife to sort it out. And GP told me to go to the midwife (lol I tried! ).

I was sorted out and we had a beautiful, healthy baby. Midwife actually showed up for our last home visit (Woohoo) but she made fun of my babies name! She had a student nurse with her and the student nurse's face was like WTF? The midwife then tried to guess the names of my other children and it was very very embarrassing. I even considered changing the babies name. I was so upset.

Now a couple of years on, I really want another baby but the lack of support and avaibability is putting me off. And i definitely don't want her making fun of my children's names again.

What can I do?

You can absolutely request to be seen by another midwife (although you may have to travel to wherever that midwife practices from).

That sounds horrid, I’m sorry that was your experience

Did you not have appointments at the hospital where you were due to give birth? (I know it works differently in different areas). Anyway, YABU to base family planning decisions on whether you like the midwife or not. She sounds shitty, but you should plan to advocate hard for yourself if you want another baby. It’s not your first time at the rodeo.

Did you not see anyone during your pregnancy for routine checks then? The usual...urine tests, blood pressure etc

The midwives are hired by the antenatal team at the hospital. Just call the hospital and ask for a different midwife.
It’s normal to not see a midwife much in subsequent pregnancies. It’s rude she missed your appointment and you should of complained at the time.
The high blood pressure thing was off but she’d only have sent you to the hospital anyway. When I had problems in my pregnancy I just called the antenatal ward and went in. There’s not a lot a community midwife can do for you if there’s an actual problem
It’s a bit of a stretch to not have another child because you don’t like your midwife though.

You had ONE midwife appt in your entire pregnancy?

and one visit in the entire postnatal period?

Your local midwife will probably report to your local hospital. If you choose another hospital, you probably won’t get this midwife. Your GP would be able to check this.
You can choose where to be treated and by who (I’m assuming you’re in England, I’m not familiar with other countries).
www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/patient-choice/Documents/patient-choice-leaflet.pdf

one visit pre natal and one post natal
both in my home and had no bloods or urine done entire pregnancy #(except at one scan)

@FraggleRocking are you allowed to choose your hospital? I went to my local hosp with baby no 1 but had to go to a hosp really far away because there were no beds available with baby no 2, managed to get into the local one again with baby no 3. There was no choice on my part, just where had space. Is it different in different areas, I live in a very densly populated city. So maybe less choice?

What country do you live in?

One appointment your entire pregnancy is absolutely not normal. You should have had five or six, normally at a hospital.

You choose your hospital at your initial GP appointment. Unless I am going mad there is something weird going on with your care overall.

Where are you based?

Here is a list of antenatal appointments you should have:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/antenatal-appointment-schedule/

If you did not receive this care, you should complain.

However, you mentioned home visits so I'm wondering if this was in addition to routine appointments? I did not receive any home visits from my midwife when I was pregnant. They did come out once or twice just after the baby was born but then transferred everything over to the health visitor.

What country are you in?

Was this NHS in the UK, op? That's negligence if so, completely unlike standard practice.

As others have asked, are you in the UK?
Your care sounds vastly different.
If under UK NHS care, you can choose which hospital you’d like to give birth at, and any other treatment with your GP at your initial appointment.

If you live in a bigger city there may be some private options available.

@FraggleRocking that’s not been my experience of the NHS. In areas with a lot of new builds in particular I’ve found it difficult to access healthcare without traveling to go private.

Jeez.

I'm a midwife and I hated the one I met when I had my fourth baby.

But she wasn't the reason I didn't have a fifth.

Community Midwives cover specific areas. You need to phone your local hospital and speak to the Supervisor of Midwives. Express your concerns and say you'd like a different midwife.

I am also trying to understand the lack of appointments you had antenatally.

You should have had more than one visit postnatally too.

Home visits when you're pregnant are not routine. And I am sorry you met such a rubbish midwife. We're not all like that.

Or choose an Independent Midwife. Have a look at this website.

imuk.org.uk/

@BogglesGoggles That’s a shame. It’s your right as a patient but I have found that some GPs aren’t as willing to follow policy. I’ve had to ‘make my case’ before to be referred to my preferred hospital for treatment with some. Others are happy to help. As with so many things for the NHS, it seems to be a discrepancy in care by area which is such a lottery.

@FraggleRocking

In some rural areas there really is only one choice.

You've got three DC already, surely you don't want a 4th simply because you've had enough?

You don't need to make up some bullshit about your medical care. Just say "we've got 3 children and that's enough of a burden on the planet and my body and sanity already"

Some really nasty comments. And troll hunting as sodding usual. There are great opportunities for health so called professionals to cause trauma to vulnerable women pre and post birth. An unkind midwife or health visitor hlcan have serious effects on people. Not everyone is an earth mother who enjoys the process. It can be intrusive, invasive and brutal for some people.

@Jemima232 very true!

Sadly i’m not surprised. ours stuck to the appointments, but made sure they gave no opportunity to adres any concerns. “give me you urin sample”, “fill in this questionnaire “ and “i need to measure your blood pressure “ is literally the only sentences i’ve ever heard mine say (no “hello”, no eyecontact etc)