To not have another baby because I hated my midwife?

[Reallywanttomovenow]

Me and Dp have been talking about having another baby, however I really don't know if I can deal with the district midwife again. There is only one midwife available to patients at our GP and the surrounding GPs won't cater to us because they only take patients from certain areas etc. So moving gps isn't an option.

I had a baby nearly 2 years ago and the midwife was terrible. I only saw her twice (despite being so ill that I was hospitalized) once to get my green notes, and once after baby was born. I couldn't get hold of her to make an appointment the whole 9 months :-S apart from one appointment here I was waiting for 40 mins. I had arrived early and she had left while I was waiting! I thought I saw her walk right past me but thought it was pregnancy brain or something, because my appointment time wasn't quite yet. Also, I had only met her once so wasn't entirely sure it was her. However I went to the desk after waiting 40 mins (this was quite common at my old GP which was massive and had 3 floors so it didn't occur to me to ask sooner) and they said that she had left. They encouraged me to make a complaint but I wasn't going to do that because I was worried she would be angry and give me even worse treatment (worse than not even treating me!)

Anyway, a couple of days after my missed appointment (couldn't get through to her work mobile and she never rang back when I left a voicemail) I went to hospital with braxton Hicks. And thank god I did. I was kept in for high blood pressure- I was fainting and feeling very faint daily. But couldn't get hold of midwife to sort it out. And GP told me to go to the midwife (lol I tried! ).

I was sorted out and we had a beautiful, healthy baby. Midwife actually showed up for our last home visit (Woohoo) but she made fun of my babies name! She had a student nurse with her and the student nurse's face was like WTF? The midwife then tried to guess the names of my other children and it was very very embarrassing. I even considered changing the babies name. I was so upset.

Now a couple of years on, I really want another baby but the lack of support and avaibability is putting me off. And i definitely don't want her making fun of my children's names again.

What can I do?

Reallywanttomovenow

This is the thread I foolishly started which you may find interesting.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/AMA/3585276-Im-a-midwife-AMA

If you’ve had 2 previous pregnancies surely you knew that the care was substandard and you would have made enquiries? What was your care like with the other 2 DC? I’d be contacting the hospital and requesting a different midwife.

If you wanted another child you’d have one, the midwife wouldn’t stop you especially since you have three children already. I’d understand this more if you’d only had one child previously.

Sorry you had such a negative experience with your MW but it’s not a reason to not have another baby is it?

If you don't want another baby that's fine (you already have 3!) but to do so because of your midwife if a pretty silly reason in my opinion.
Your first post implied it was your first pregnancy but it was your third- you do have fewer appointments with second and subsequent pregnancies but you must have known it wasnt ok to have none and you definitely should have pushed or complained. Did you ever report her afterwards, when there was no chance of retribution from her?
I would look into private midwives or being attached to a different hospital or trust.

Did you see your gp and/or practice nurse instead then? I've never heard of a home visit, they are usually at the drs surgery or hospital

Isn’t three enough anyway? I’ve got three - I’m knackered!

The midwife then tried to guess the names of my other children

so you have at least 2 older children + the baby two years ago?

Three (?) children are more than plenty. I wouldn't consider it responsible to have more. sorry.

How many antenatal appts did you have, OP, with any health professional (such as GP or hospital consultant)?

MW walking out while you were waiting could be because nobody told her that you were waiting.

What exactly did she say to make fun of the name?

I've never heard of a home visit
Then you’re not very well informed. All of my midwife appointments (and I had a lot, due to twins and various health issues) were at home. Different teams work differently depending on local geography and set up.

OP, I work for my local maternity service now - IME the supervisor of midwives or head of midwives would be the best person to speak to. They can arrange to put you under another team as long as you’re happy to travel for your appointments.

4 children is a luxury. Having to travel further for appointments out of area might impact on your existing children. I don’t blame you if you can’t be bothered with the hassle.

If you have trouble requesting a different midwife, you can do the PALS complaint thing through the NHS trust that employs her but it's also a really good about to email the commissioner of midwifery services at your local CCG. The commissioner will absolutely want to know of their provider (the NHS trust) is providing an inadequate service and it's often input from the commissioner that makes the trust take action- they won't want to upset them. Look for 'commissioner of children's services' or similar, or you could try calling the CCG and asking.