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Original poster

To be more obsessed with OW than "D"H?!

59 replies

girlsgonetame · 11/08/2019 21:40

I can't stop thinking about her, looking her up on social media, thinking up scenarios in my head, what I'd like to say to her. I can barely sleep. I refresh her Instagram page constantly. I'm making myself sick. How do I stop this?

For full disclosure, afaik, she and my husband have not actually been together. They work together. I've seen their messages and I don't think she is interested in him... unfortunately I think he is interested in her!

How do we move past this when he won't even admit it?

OP posts:
Jupiters · 11/08/2019 22:45

You've said the conversations from her are all above board and she's not interested in him. But then...
I do think she's enjoying the attention, even if she's not interested enough to do anything about it. So no angel!
Where have you got that from? How so you know she's enjoying the attention? You seem to be projecting there.
This isn't about her. She's done nothing wrong. Your husband is the one that has erred here, not her. Focus on what hat had actually happened, not deflect onto someone else who isn't in the wrong.

MamaOfBothTeams · 11/08/2019 22:45

Agree with @caballerino

She's not the OW, yes he had named her Steve in his phone but he said why and to be honest I can see his reasoning even if it wasn't the smartest move as made you even more paranoid but even the texts you read you said they weren't sexual

Mammatino · 11/08/2019 23:12

Oh dear. You've got yourself into a right old mess here. This isn't the woman's fault, she's innocent, you sound like you are really struggling and possibly feeling very down and insecure, so hugely threatened by this woman. I don't know if your husband has even done anything wrong either. He may be trying to instigate an affair, he may be gaslighting you. Or you might be being very insecure, paranoid and jealous. Either way you are having a shitty time. Try to take some control, if you are stalking this woman fill your time in otherways. If you are feeling down maybe some things that might boost your confidence. I always read when I need to take my mind off something. I also have a daily planner that fills up my time and the structure always helps me climb down off the crazy. See if you can contact a relationship Councillor, you don't have to go with your DH or even tell him, but it might help you get some perspective. I really hope you can resolve this you take care of yourself.

AnyFucker · 11/08/2019 23:18

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FatThor · 11/08/2019 23:57

Why another thread OP? You've had pages and pages of advice on the first thread

VenusTiger · 12/08/2019 00:04

Op, don’t push your DH away, don’t give him reason to talk to any female friends (as he may think they’ll give better advice about your jealousy) as this will cause a catch 22.

If he does end up cheating on you one day, you can’t stop it from happening. So, you may as well, get on with your life, and make your marriage happy again. Give him reason to be happy with you. Chin up, forget about this friend at work.
Start to understand that when you’re constantly being picked on and goaded, you start to hide stuff to avoid it - your DH is a very patient man who hasn’t left you, so clearly loves you.
Be kind to him and to yourself and get on with life.
If it happens then you can’t stop it. And if it never happens, then you’ll have wasted years of uncertainty - be happy and enjoy a lovely happy marriage together.

Closetbeanmuncher · 12/08/2019 00:20

I asked you before on your previous thread but you didnt respond OP..

This isnt the first time is it?

HouseholdPlantMurderer · 12/08/2019 00:35

@Closetbeanmuncher she did say in one of the threads that she has been jealous of some women before but DH always assured her nothing was going on.

Angelf1sh · 12/08/2019 06:34

Stop stalking this poor woman, she’s done absolutely nothing wrong. You need to speak to a dr because your behaviour needs treatment MN can’t give.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 12/08/2019 06:40

I haven't read any other threads, but I'm really concerned that you've constructed an entire scenario in your head about this woman because you're paranoid.

It's your husband's behaviour that is odd, this woman has done nothing to you, nothing to your husband, she is categorically NOT the OW and you seem to have invented personality traits and opinions of her based on nothing.

That's concerning because it's really, really not rational or fair. She's just going about her life oblivious to the fact you're obsessing over her and that makes me really uncomfortable. You need to speak to a professional and get some help OP, I don't think you're very well.

beccarocksbaby · 12/08/2019 06:46

Step away. You are pain shopping, getting hooked on the adrenaline rush of looking at someone who you can deflect blame to for your own marital problems.

Get therapy. Quickly.

Swellerellamoo · 12/08/2019 06:57

You know you are being batshit. Get help.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2019 07:00

I also recall your recent other thread. I really hope this isn't real. Because if it is, you need to seek help. You really do.

lovelookslikethis · 12/08/2019 07:37

I have been on the other side of this, and far from enjoying it I would imagine she is finding it stressful. It’s no fun dealing with men like this, and she has no choice but to put up with your sleazy dh. She has to work, and maintain good professional relationships.
No doubt she knows about you, and wonders why you are still with him.

Stampy84 · 12/08/2019 08:44

Is anyone else intrigued about what this OW actually looks like?? I’ve got this image in my head of an absolute Goddess!

ChrisPrattsFace · 12/08/2019 08:49

What @caballerino said.
And many others. Step away (from both of them) and save yourself the crazy.

Arghplaydoh · 12/08/2019 09:02

Op I read your other thread. I'm really sorry you're going through this, but you need to take control of your life or you're going to drive yourself crazy.

It's impossible to work out from your posts whether you're just very insecure, or there is something in it. It doesn't sound as though your dh has done much to reassure you. Either way though this isn't good for you at all. You've pretty much said that even if your husband is having an affair you wouldn't leave anyway.

Even if you took this woman out of the equation, there would always be another beautiful woman somewhere. If you can't trust your dh not to risk your marriage and your life just because his head has been turned by an attractive lady, then what have you got?

Have you considered counselling to try to work on your self esteem?

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2019 09:14

Is anyone else intrigued about what this OW actually looks like?

No. I'd assume she's just your normal woman in her twenties, pretty, attractive, but likely fairly normal. The ops issue is she's jealous of her, because she's three decades younger and attractive, and is in close proximity to her husband,

I'm also not sure if this is real. In her last thread she said there were no text messages, now there are. Trolls commonly have trouble remembering basic facts of what they posted, I assume indicative of the intelligence levels of those who troll,

Either way, real or not, the op needs help.

SilverySurfer · 12/08/2019 09:44

she and my husband have not actually been together. They work together. I've seen their messages and I don't think she is interested in him.

These are your own words so I don't understand why you are obsessing over her when it's your DH you should be sorting out.

and I do think she's enjoying the attention, even if she's not interested enough to do anything about it. So no angel!

This is making you sound unhinged. You have no proof of this and even said so in the first quote.

Get off social media, stop stalking this woman and deal with the real problem - your DH.

FatThor · 12/08/2019 09:56

@Bluntness100 in the other thread OP said she got hold of his phone while he was asleep and restored his deleted WhatsApp messages somehow, found a load of chatty messages but nothing to indicate an affair.

I have a feeling this one is real unfortunately, I hope I'm wrong though

Countrybumpkin00 · 12/08/2019 10:07

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Pinkout · 12/08/2019 10:18

She isn’t the OW, she’s just someone your H has a crush on. You need to block her accounts and I’d argue your marriage is dead in the water too but you made it clear on the previous thread you don’t wish to leave so...

tearinmybeer · 12/08/2019 10:24

OK this message is just to me, for me to tell me to stop reading this woman's threads as they make me very upset and anxious for OP, picturing her constantly clicking refresh the display and getting some message on MN that will

  1. Prove her without a doubt right
  2. Prove her without a doubt wrong

OP, that message will NEVER APPEAR. Please stop winding yourself up and up and up and up and get some professional help. Call your GP RIGHT NOW. Call a help line. Google jealousy support groups, but GET OFF MN FOR THE DAY. I sure as shit am- sorry for being a bit of a selfish asshole here, but surely other posters here must be getting a bit anxious watching all of this go down and OP not listening to a word...

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2019 10:26

I have a feeling this one is real unfortunately, I hope I'm wrong though

Ah ok, thanks. It would have been better for her if it was made up, 😔

Beesandcheese · 12/08/2019 10:26

It sounds as though your husband is fanning it by talking about her in such glowing terms, at the same time as talking about seeing you as flawed (jealous and untustworthy). You are behaving over the top jealous, but maybe that's because he has checked out emotionally to go and pursue his outside interest. Pushing hard to get you to leave him so he can blame you.

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