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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Popping round (lighthearted)

56 replies

chilling19 · 11/08/2019 19:43

From the Daily Mash www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/popping-round-to-be-made-a-criminal-offence-20190809188122

I do not like people popping in. I have seen other threads where mumsnetter's have said this and then been told they are unreasonable.

Also there was a recent thread where the OP entertained a 'popper round' on her drive when this happened, which seemed a bit extreme but, in a fantastically odd way, quite reasonable.

What say you?

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 11/08/2019 19:46

'Popping round' is the work of the devil.

I work long hours. I need my quiet time. I like to spend occassional afternoons in my pyjamas watching movies in bed. Someone 'popping in' would REALLY stress me out.

Fatted · 11/08/2019 19:49

YANBU. My PIL were terrible for just popping around. They complained once that we weren't in when they popped round.

chilling19 · 11/08/2019 19:50

Yes! Once a friend misread an afternoon party invite and turned up a week before on a Sunday afternoon. I was barely dressed and looked horrendous - greasy hair, no make up, you get the gist. He left 3 hours later. 😩

OP posts:
chilling19 · 11/08/2019 19:51

Fatted 😂

OP posts:
KipperTheFrog · 11/08/2019 19:52

I hate popping in. It's so rude in my opinion. I was brought up with the idea you only go to a persons house if you've been invited. My in laws disagree. It's a big source of contention. They once drove 3 hours to see me, uninvited, while I was pregnant and DH away. I didnt appreciate that.

Dandelion1993 · 11/08/2019 19:56

For me it depends who it is.

My mum and sisters, I don't mind as I don't feel I need to prepare for them so to speak and you don't have to host them.

My I laws though yes! Mil sends my anxiety through the roof and I need time to prepare for the visit.

fedup21 · 11/08/2019 19:58

I don’t think anyone should pop in. I would never knock at someone’s door and expect to be invited in-I think it’s the height of rudeness.

I might post a birthday card through the door but that’s about it!

HeyMonkey · 11/08/2019 19:58

We have a ring doorbell Grin

chilling19 · 11/08/2019 19:59

Heymonkey I so want one of those! Although family...

OP posts:
64sNewName · 11/08/2019 20:09

I’m not at all keen on people popping round uninvited, and I’d never do it to anyone. Part of the reason is that as a self-employed person working from home I have virtually no free time. If I’m in, I’m usually working.

If someone did come round unannounced when it wasn’t convenient I’d have no hesitation in saying “I’m so sorry but it’s not a good time” and sending them away.

But there will people on the thread soon who think it’s fine to pop in/round, and that anyone who doesn’t like it is antisocial or rude or misanthropic. They’re out there - the poppers 👹

chilling19 · 11/08/2019 20:11

64 'the poppers' 😂

OP posts:
fedup21 · 11/08/2019 20:14

With a ring doorbell, can you see who is waiting at your door, without them knowing you’ve seen them??

munemema · 11/08/2019 20:18

Popping in is not something I do or would like (I don't think it's ever happened!).

However, when we stayed with my GPs in the North (in the 1970s) it was a daily occurrence. DGM would pop in on a neighbour, her sister would call in on her way to the shops, the kids down the road would knock for us to play. No-one could ever be lonely. One of my fondest memories is going to deliver a Christmas card to one of her elderly neighbours and getting back late for my tea, slightly tipsy on his rhubarb wine Grin

So, whilst, it's something that I'd be uncomfortable with in my current life, I do think we're probably all poorer for it.

ShirleyPhallus · 11/08/2019 20:20

Also there was a recent thread where the OP entertained a 'popper round' on her drive when this happened, which seemed a bit extreme but, in a fantastically odd way, quite reasonable.

It wasn’t reasonable at all, it was utterly rude and a totally bizarre thing to sit someone in your drive way because you don’t have the balls to tell them you’re busy

chilling19 · 11/08/2019 20:23

Shirley you are right, but that is how hard it is to be impolite.

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 11/08/2019 20:27

OP, we hate it, always have, even more so when we lived alone.... I think it’s just plain rude, they’re basically inviting themselves round to your house - were told it’s rude at the age of four when we invite ourselves round to friends at school - same for adults.
Nope, ring the bloody bell off the wall, you’re not coming in Grin

hardworkpop · 11/08/2019 20:28

I work for a university and we are not supposed to allow people to tailgate when entering buildings - access is via uni card readers. So you get 'oh can you hold the door for me?' Err... The politeness that British people are brought up with, makes it really HARD to say no.

DannyWallace · 11/08/2019 20:30

I hate it! It makes me really passive aggressive too 🙈.

A neighbour once said "oh I'll pop round for a coffee and a catch up one day this week" and I just replied "oh...will you??" And looked at her...until I realised I was being a complete dick!!! 😂

HarrietSchulenberg · 11/08/2019 20:32

Threads like this make me scared to visit my friends for fear of offending them. I'm quite happy to be popped in on but we all tend to text or WhatsApp first to make sure we're in. No-one gets stressed if our houses are messy as we all have teens and work so know showhome standard is impossible to achieve without paid help, which none of us have.

chilling19 · 11/08/2019 20:35

Danny oh the neighbour - difficult.

As I have got older, I have been more forthcoming in that I say I am nor keen on popping in, so text me with at least a hour's notice on the understanding that the answer may still be no. But, even when I hold my boundary, I am conscious of doing so. And feel unreasonable EVEN THOUGH I never do this to anyone.

OP posts:
chilling19 · 11/08/2019 20:40

Harriet - it sounds like you have communication with your friends beforehand, so this is not 'popping in'. To clarify - you are deep into your day, with a plan - which could be work, dossing in front of the TV , whatever, and someone pops round. I Think it maybe an introvert/extrovert thing. Took me a long time to accept that I am an introvert and then be honest about it. This world tend to value extroverts I think.

OP posts:
Graphista · 11/08/2019 20:50

HATE uninvited callers!

I am agoraphobic, anxious and my sleep pattern is horrendous so I'm often asleep in the day.

Currently living in a flat with buzzer entry thing, I don't even always answer that unless I am expecting a caller.

First Christmas here the neighbours (who hadn't even bothered to introduce themselves or ask first!) twigged I was usually home and arranged for their deliveries to come to me! First couple times I was annoyed but went along...

Then it got stupid! One neighbour had a flat pack Fucking wardrobe delivered and then expected ME to carry it to their flat! Wtf!

I'm physically disabled as well as mentally ill and this nonsense was clogging up my hallway, I told them to shift it or I was opening it, calling the retailer and arranging for them to collect it as a return (very likely at neighbours expense) - they shifted it there and then! Total pisstake!

From that moment on I point blank refused to take deliveries for anyone else.

I know what deliveries we are expecting (dd has had it drummed into her to let me know because of my stance on not accepting other people's) and if I answer the buzzer I ask what name its for (my name still not on buzzer which actually makes this easier so I'm not pushing to get that changed any time soon) and if it's not our name they don't get me buzzing them in. If they somehow get past that point and come to my door I've also a peep hole and I ask them to show me the address label first (this has come about due to delivery people trying to trick me into taking others parcels) and only then open the door, because I've also had delivery drivers trying to sneak parcels into my property - including throwing them down my hall!

I've also had people buzz and not say who they are - not letting them in either. Landlord has sent several letters out to all tenants reminding us not to let people in we don't know or don't have reason to admit, other tenants still buzzing people in when they shouldn't be, lower floor flats been broken into several times as a result.

Bloody annoying!!

But even purely from a social point of view, no I hate unexpected callers. I need to plan and I need to be prepared. I personally do not see the need to do this in this modern age when it's very easy to check with people in advance whether it's convenient to call or not.

Those posters who bang on about how it was the norm in "ye olde days" have also forgotten that when people couldn't check in advance there WAS an etiquette to when you called on someone.

I remember a time when not everyone even had a landline phone and noted comments/reactions from my parents and grandparents regarding people who called unexpectedly at inconvenient times.

It was considered rude to call at someone's house early morning, late at night, or around rough mealtimes (say 12-2 for lunch 4-6 dinner). And even if someone called outside those times if for some other reason it was inconvenient it wasn't considered rude to politely say so - "oh hi, I'm afraid it isn't a good time right now, can we catch up another day?" "Ok no problem see you later"

So this notion or claim that "the poppers" have that people used to call round whenever and be welcomed with open arms and fed and watered isn't actually true.

The only person my family would rarely turn away was the priest - but that's a whole other thread!

gerbilgirl · 11/08/2019 20:57

We hate it - our kids thrive on routine and can't cope well with changes to the plan for the day. Unfortunately my in laws just don't get it!

They popped in this weekend, spent an hour here and left us to clear up the unrest and subsequent meltdowns ☹️

We have tried to say just giving us half an hours notice would help (they only live 15 minutes away) but just won't listen. I am one step away from filming what happens after they "pop in" to get the message across 😠

MereDintofPandiculation · 11/08/2019 21:19

I would never knock at someone’s door and expect to be invited in-I think it’s the height of rudeness. I don't think I would expect to be invited in. The other side of calling round on the off-chance is that it's quite likely there'll be no-one there, or they'll tell you they're busy.

I was brought up to feel it was rude to be in the area and not call round - if you were in the same town as a relative, you'd have to remember to keep it quiet because they'd be offended to know you were in their town and hadn't called in on them. Mind, this was before mobile phones and, even if they had a land line (not everyone did), most people would expect you to just come and knock, not go to the bother of finding a working telephone box and phone from there.

lboogy · 11/08/2019 21:32

Nope. I don't answer the door unless you're expected. My family live too far away to pop round so it's not an issue for me

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