Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this question is weird and out of order?

40 replies

Informat · 11/08/2019 16:58

My sister is pregnant with her first baby and we're all really pleased for her. I've finally been allowed to tell people this week, and two different people have responded with 'is she keeping it?'

AIBU to think it's beyond weird and actually be a bit pissed off about it?

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 11/08/2019 17:04

Does she have a rep for being flaky?

ElstreeViaduct · 11/08/2019 17:06

Of course it's rude. I think most women get some off comments at some point. We had "was it an accident?" several times and I was married, in my 30s with a mortgage and a sensible family car.

Original poster
Informat · 11/08/2019 17:07

Not at all. One person who asked is a colleague who's only met her two or three times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Informat · 11/08/2019 17:09

Sorry, that was in reply to slippery.

Really Elstree? It's so bizarre. I wonder what the thought process behind it is.

OP posts:
WhyBirdStop · 11/08/2019 17:10

It's inappropriate massively so, however in some circumstances you might understand the question, eg she's 15

PositiveVibez · 11/08/2019 17:11

Yes I had one colleague ask 'was it planned'

I thought, omg you nosey cow!!!

I said to her 'well that was. Really rude question to ask'

LemonAddict · 11/08/2019 17:12

Really, two different people have asked that? How bizarre.

Do you think there’s something about your delivery of the news that makes them think it’s not a happy event?

sueelleker · 11/08/2019 17:14

When my sister said she was pregnant I did ask "on purpose"?. In my defence, she did already have 4 children.

Ivysaurus · 11/08/2019 17:15

Yeah that is out of order. I had 2 or 3 people ask me was it planned/an accident, some were people I hardly know so it was surprising they'd thi j it was okay to ask

Original poster
Informat · 11/08/2019 17:17

Do you think there’s something about your delivery of the news that makes them think it’s not a happy event?

I don't think so. She was pregnant last year too but had a miscarriage and both knew about that and that she was devastated and we were gutted for her. They surely would know I wouldn't be telling them if she wasn't keeping it.

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 11/08/2019 17:19

I suppose it sort of depends how old your sister is.

Its not a question I'd ask out loud.

Original poster
Informat · 11/08/2019 17:22

She's 27. In a long term relationship, stable job, stable life. Nothing that would suggest she would have an abortion, which would of course be up to her and not be something I would be going around announcing to people.

OP posts:
Summerunderway · 11/08/2019 17:23

No I think she is putting it on ebay as a buy it now....

Chamomileteaplease · 11/08/2019 17:24

Now you know this is a possible response I would reply very calmly"Why do you ask that?" And see what they say. Would be interesting to know!

namby · 11/08/2019 17:26

Yes very rude, worse than "was it planned?" which we got a lot of!

Willow2017 · 11/08/2019 17:27

It's rude and a ridiculous thing to ask.
If she wasn't keeping it why tell.people ffs!

I would respond with "What a horribly rude question. After all you know how devastated she was last time why ask such a stupidly crass question?"

Some people are just dicks thinking they are being clever.

beargrass · 11/08/2019 17:30

A good reply: "is that like 'Congratulations'?" Wink

Original poster
Informat · 11/08/2019 17:32

Now you know this is a possible response I would reply very calmly"Why do you ask that?" And see what they say. Would be interesting to know!

I did say that my colleague. I got a shrug of the shoulders and a rather snooty 'I just didn't know'.

She does, however, know that I have had an abortion and disagrees with it, so perhaps she was having a dig at me. That doesn't explain the second person though. It's so rude.

OP posts:
PettyContractor · 11/08/2019 17:37

Hang on, if one these people was a colleague who hardly knows her, I'm not sure it's fair to read much into their response. They were given information they didn't ask for and possibly hardly cared about, the pressure of having to respond to random information may well have caused them to say something random.

In fact, why the assumption that it should always be seen as good news, as demonstrated by someone up-thread? In my late 20's, when told a former school mate was an expectant father, my natural and sincere response was commiseration. I couldn't imagine anything more horrible than parenthood. I was genuinely astonished to find out he felt otherwise about it.

PettyContractor · 11/08/2019 17:43

I based my response on how I would have felt if it were me that was expecting. So maybe that's a clue as to where they are coming from?

Original poster
Informat · 11/08/2019 17:43

Hang on, if one these people was a colleague who hardly knows her, I'm not sure it's fair to read much into their response. They were given information they didn't ask for and possibly hardly cared about, the pressure of having to respond to random information may well have caused them to say something random.

If people at work never talked about things others hardly care about it would be very dull and quiet. She's 60 years old and must have been confronted by the daunting prospect of replying to a pregnancy announcement before.

In fact, why the assumption that it should always be seen as good news, Because people don't usually publicly announce pregnancies which aren't good news.

OP posts:
Original poster
Informat · 11/08/2019 17:45

I based my response on how I would have felt if it were me that was expecting. So maybe that's a clue as to where they are coming from?

She's too old to have children, but if one of her daughters were expecting she'd be delighted.

OP posts:
Croquembou · 11/08/2019 17:48

People just say weird stuff, don't they? Since I've been telling people I got pregnant, someone's asked if I know who the father is (I've been with my husband for 11 years), if it was planned, and one delicate soul said 'oh god, all I can think about is you and (husband) f*cking now'.

People are strange and, with the best will, I don't imagine your colleagues care about your sister's pregnancy that much no matter how happy you are. You're happy, she's happy life goes on.

Original poster
Informat · 11/08/2019 17:53

Well I don't expect it to be the biggest news they've ever heard, and I'm not crying myself to sleep over it or anything, Croquembou, but I do think it's rude.

I think the people you've spoken to are rude too.

OP posts:
mrscatmad31 · 11/08/2019 17:58

I'm pregnant with my second child, I'm married, have just bought a bigger house and have had two people ask me if the baby was planned, if anyone else asks me I'm going to say it's extremely rude! (Yes baby was very much planned!)

Swipe left for the next trending thread