to think adults can have catch ups that doesnt involve clubbing

[Boots20]

I have a small group of friends & suggested we had our next catch up over dinner or coffee or cinema they looked at me like I was mad & laughed it off saying no we need a proper night out. Every catch up has to involve clubs/pubs/partying. This is once every few months (we dont see eachother in between) I'm in my 30s with 3 kids one has ASD & I am literally exhausted the last thing I'm interested in is trailing around pubs drinking & waking up the next day to a hangover, I have health anxiety & hangovers are pretty horrendous for me for a few days after I feel massively guilty & convinced I'm dying. I've been added into a group chat all discussing the next meet up &, of course it's a saturday night out in town. I'm not going I'm just done with pointless drinking sessions where you can barely even have a conversation. I dont understand why going for lunch or a coffee in a quiet cafe is basically laughed at!

Aibu to prefer reading a book on my Saturdays with a take away or few glasses or wine? Or going for a nice meal with OH. Maybe I'm getting old but the whole drinking into the small hours just doesnt appeal to me anymore & really think I'm out growing my friends they just aren't interested in any girls nights that doesnt involve partying now :-(

YANBU. Hangovers with small humans is hell. They don’t give a fuck you had half an hour of sleep and five tequilas for a midnight snack.

But...they ANBU either to want to do that with their time. If they never want to compromise though, perhaps you are now just at different life stages. Which is okay too!

Or you could suggest you begin the night with something to eat, then they can get the drinks in and you can leave before they move on? That way you get to see them but escape the hangover health anxiety hell of the next day.

Yanbu, I have been feeling the same recently and I'm not yet 30. Clubs and bars with loud music don't really allow for proper conversations.I prefer a house party among friends if it's going to turn into a proper drinking session, somehow it is still a lot more sociable than clubbing.

I'm not going I'm just done with pointless drinking sessions where you can barely even have a conversation. I dont understand why going for lunch or a coffee in a quiet cafe is basically laughed at!

It’s just that different people enjoy different things.

No-one is being unreasonable here.

People are different and you like what you like.

Perhaps it's time to find new friends who do like to go out to restaurants etc.

Do your friends have very small children? I’ve noticed that when people are at the baby/toddler stage and therefore have very restricted social lives, when they do go out they think it’s a waste not to have a “proper night out” that involves bars and clubs where you can’t sit down or hear anything. It’s very tedious, I agree with you. I don’t have children, so can and do go out most weekends, but I almost never do that kind of thing. I prefer a nice relaxed dinner with plenty of wine, where you can actually be comfortable and enjoy a conversation.

You want a catch up at the cinema?

Yabu

I would rather have a catch up over a drink, meal or takeaway. I like to be able to both hear and sit down, so clubs are a no no.

Who has a catch up at a cinema though??

Are these get togethers local?

YANBU to give it a miss.

YABU to suggest that you’re “outgrowing” your friends because they enjoy late boozy nights and you don’t. You have different preferences, neither is superior.

Important in both short and long term to have friends and a social life (beyond your time alone, with your partner and DC) - that need not be with this particular group though, if you no longer enjoy any of their company and / or they only want to do things you dislike.

Are you in treatment for your health anxiety?

I have a MH issue that alcohol doesn’t help: most of my friends and acquaintances enjoy late, boozy nights, and I enjoy their company so sometimes do go and just have one or two drinks and leave early by cab, or have soft drinks and drive home if things get drunken or am tired.

I have never been clubbing in my life.

It looks like hell.

What about going for dinner then on for drinks/clubbing?
That way you could leave before the clubby bit?
I have a group of mum friends and we do this, to be fair we usually end up out til the small hours but on the odd occasion someone has left after dinner if they have something on the next day.

Yanbu. I can't think of anything worse the noise the sweat the hangover.
You need another set of friends, one for clubbing one for coffee.

You could suggest meeting up for a late lunch and a couple of glasses of wine one Saturday afternoon. I've done this a few times I'm in my 40s and the last thing I feel like doing is trailing to packed noisy bars .
Plus if it's a nice sunny day you can sit in the sun it's much easier to catch up than shouting to each other to be heard in noisy bars . I don't think you can catch up in the cinema really.

Everyone’s different. Going for a coffee is boring/basic/mundane - I wouldn’t waste time in my schedule for that. You only see each other every few months after all. You also can’t particularly ‘catch up’ in a cinema. I wouldn’t, for example, travel down to see my friends just to do that.

Why don’t you say to visit a restaurant before they go out? So you attend dinner and not the club after?

How about suggesting you all do something like go for a curry then onto a club, then you bow out after the meal? Or drinks in a bar where you can chat, but dont go on afterwards.

Yep, you've outgrown them. The joy and agony of getting pissed has long gone for me. I've saved so much money! If only I could still go dancing without drinking heavily being seen as integral (and the music wasn't so loud)...

I like the idea of going for a meal e.g. curry, then waving them off to spend their money on overpriced booze. They will catch up with adulthood eventually.

@browzingss why is going for a coffee boring? Good conversation over coffee is never boring.

Eh? I’m in my 30s and haven’t been clubbing in years.

Our meet ups often involve kids on play dates.

Adults only ones tend to involve, dinner, lunch, gigs, coffee/ wine at each other’s houses, shows, theatre, cinema and escape rooms.

For my husband they tend to involve football with his mates

YANBU. You can't actually catch up in a club anyway. Too loud.

@Jaxhog I go out for coffee all the time, eg with colleagues during lunch. Hence why it’s a mundane activity for me, if I only saw my friends every few months (vs more frequently) I’d rather do something more significant

I'm in my 40s and still love clubbing but don't see it as much of an opportunity to catch up properly with friends!

I agree it sounds like you're looking for different things out of meeting up. Can you not suggest a bit of both?

I am often amazed around some of my friends with small kids for just wanting every get together to involve getting as drunk as possible!! I don't and can't drink like that anymore - happy to stop after a couple but I do feel like I'm branded as the 'boring' one at times! Fortunately though I have other friends that do love going for a coffee and don't drink themselves into oblivion!

Are any of your friends single? My single friends like to go clubs etc. I just stop drinking after an hour or two and leave at around 1am and DH gets up with DS. My friends with kids prefer dinner so I do that with a different group. I prefer dinner but majority rules.

Surely there's a compromise here where you all meet for dinner somewhere and then they continue their night at a bar and you head home?

You can go clubbing without drinking though, I've done is several times.

I'm in my 30s and would now rather peel off my own toenails than go clubbing. I like a drink, but being surrounded by people who are pissed doesn't appeal to me at all!! I'd much rather a nice lunch and a few quiet drinks, and be able to have a good chat.