AIBU to ask for tips on how to turn a man into a feminist

[wtfuschmuck]

So. One of DH's idiot friends sent him this meme. Hilarious, innit.

Idiot friend has never succeeded with the ladies (wonder why...) and has no responsibilities in life (no job, no study, still lives with his parents as he approaches 40). He also claims to be a very accomplished Buddhist.

But I digress...

The fact my husband replied to the meme with a smiley face instead of a "WTF" or something along those lines has ignited a fire in my soul that threatens spontaneous combustion.

My husband treats this "friend" with kid gloves so he gets away with it, but humouring that sort of nonsense is not on.

DH comes from a very patriarchal background and works with blokey blokes who apparently make jokes at their wives/girlfriends' expense regular. He regales me with stories about them that would make my toes curl. Then again, I wonder if he is telling his own stories. He's come a long way in an attempt to join me in the 21st century, but has a long way to go and these things boil my blood.

How can I get it through to him that this isn't harmless fun? That treating women as lesser than/the enemy/a joke is unacceptable - not just to me, but on a far deeper, moral level?

Anyone helped their man see the light? How did you do it?

what in my op sounded like I was putting up with a sexist

This...

Then again, I wonder if he is telling his own stories. He's come a long way in an attempt to join me in the 21st century, but has a long way to go and these things boil my blood.

Also, I thought the comedy thing was a decent suggestion but hey ho.

Are you married to a man @thecatinthetwat? Or in a relationship with one? Are you telling me said man has never said or done anything off?

Also read my posts. I’m not putting up with it if I’m actively rallying against it. I’m not putting up with it if I’m bringing it up in counselling. But hey, whatever makes you feel smug. I envy your perfect life, really. And you’re right. It must be just infuriating to live among us imperfect idiots.

OP - I do not understand the obnoxious pile on. I had a few head to heads with my DH over the years. Actually, Mumsnet first TAUGHT me that I was sleep walking with this sexism raging all around me. 😁😉 Once I caught up and cleared out my mind I started on DH. He can hold his head up high now!!

Thanks @HarriedHarriet. Some people just enjoy kicking people when they’re down unfortunately.

It’s a pretty sad thought that we can’t all improve ourselves. So it’s good to hear an honest post about two people doing just that. You’ve both done well and should be proud of yourselves. Well done

I’m going to individual counselling to work on myself and insisted on couples counselling to work on our marriage. I’m an optimistic person but how invested he is in dealing with our issues will be most telling about what sort of future we have together.

Wow, the response you've had on here has been really shitty and unpleasantly personal. Not really sure why? I think MN in general has been a bit nasty recently, I've seen lots of arsey replies to stuff.

Anyway...

I do tend to agree with those saying that you can't/shouldn't try to change someone, but I don't think that extends to sexist attitudes. Attitudes can certainly be changed. It's a bit like changing which politic party you vote for - it takes a lot, but it can and does happen.

Personally I see no issue with that meme, in isolation. If I saw that I'd probably laugh or roll my eyes. I don't think any subjects are off limits in terms of comedy, and frankly there are certain sects of the feminist movement that I don't identify with at all, and don't feel the need to defend. But if you think this is part of a wider issue with your husband then I'd say just talk to him. Tell him how it makes you feel when he says sexist things. Give him examples of shitty things that have happened to you which would never happen to him. Try to help him understand your own experience. Allow him the space to disagree with you and give different opinions. Counter them with intelligence, reason and evidence. Essentially just have a proper, honest conversation about it all, in which he is allowed to say what he really thinks. Otherwise you just get the dutiful head nodding while inside they're thinking "what a load of bollocks".

He loves you. Even if he was raised in a sexist world, it shouldn't mean that he won't listen to you. If it does then you may have a much bigger problem on your hands.

Am i the only one who laughed at this meme, actually thinking it was funny . I cant believe people get so worked up about a silly meme