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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being called fat

34 replies

Lollipop111 · 11/08/2019 00:42

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and my partner called me a fat c**t today he always wants to be drinking on weekends. I can feel my confidence really going i hate what I see in the mirror. He's always called me fat in a row even befor i was pregnant. Makes me feel so rubbish

OP posts:
Chickenish · 11/08/2019 00:46

You are not rubbish. I don’t know you, but I do know that growing a child is an amazing thing. It involves gaining weight to provide your child with the protection and nutrients that it needs. Besides feeling crap, are you okay?

Original poster
Lollipop111 · 11/08/2019 00:51

I will be ok I always am. Normally I brush comments like that away and put a smile on my face but this time it's really got to me. Maybe it's my hormones!

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 11/08/2019 00:54

Why did you have a baby with this man? You said he was like it before getting? Sorry to be harsh but it won’t get better.

Original poster
Lollipop111 · 11/08/2019 00:55

Maybe cos I'm silly ive been with him 10 years and everytime i find it hard to break away cos it breaks my heart even tho I know calling me these names are wromg.

OP posts:
GibbonLover · 11/08/2019 00:57

Why did you have a baby with this man?
There's always one isn't there...

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 11/08/2019 01:01

Next time he calls you a fat cunt...

"At least I can lose weight... you'll always have a tiny dick!"

saoirse31 · 11/08/2019 01:03

But poster asking question is right, as op s reply indicates. You should plan to leave OP. Say you have a daughter, fo you want her being abused like you are?

GibbonLover · 11/08/2019 01:03

Lollipop Imagine that you are having a DD. How would you feel if he started to call her a fat cunt? She wouldn't deserve it, would she? Now I want you to imagine it's a DS in there. What if he grew up to be the sort of man who refers to women as fat cunts?

If you really did want to leave, there's so much help out there for you. You are being verbally abused and domestic abuse charities are not just there to help women who are experiencing physical violence you know. I would give it some serious thought, you really don't deserve this.

Lou898 · 11/08/2019 01:04

You need to calmly explain that you find his comments inappropriate and hurtful and you would like him to refrain from calling you that. If he continues call him “small penis” and see who gets sick of it first 😂😂🤣🤣

LagunaBubbles · 11/08/2019 01:05

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HaileySherman · 11/08/2019 01:07

Awful. You don't deserve that, pregnant or not. He sounds childish and unable to articulate himself. No reason for you to feel self conscious around someone who clearly doesn't deserve you. Make no mistake, he is the lucky one to have you! Behaving that way makes him unacceptable to most people. Value yourself more, and consider the example he'll set for the child.

GibbonLover · 11/08/2019 01:08

Maybe it will Laguna but what use is it to the OP? An OP who is reaching out for help but instead is berated. For all we know, it could have been an accidental pregnancy.

Original poster
Lollipop111 · 11/08/2019 01:13

This is the first time I've ever wrote about it normally everyone thinks im so happy but now i feel so silly and stupid even more cos reading back i think what am i doing. My confidence has never been the greatest but its slipping so much and i really feel low in this pregnancy along with lonely... he never puts his hands on me and only calls me this in rows i thought he stopped calling me fat when i got pregnant cos this is was the first time whilst being pregnant.

OP posts:
Mileysmiley · 11/08/2019 01:40

What a horrible man, you need to think if you want this man to be in your childrens life because his attitude stinks

SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine · 11/08/2019 01:43

By the time you get to 39 weeks OP, you will much bigger than you are now and he might still be an abusive twat. The problem is his and you need to ensure that you are in a safe place when you have your child.

Tengel · 11/08/2019 01:43

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Coyoacan · 11/08/2019 01:47

now i feel so silly and stupid

If you are silly and stupid, you are not alone. You will find a lot of us are survivors of abusive relationships. But we are here to tell you that you don't have to stay there, that life is much better without being subjected to abuse in the home, where you should feel safe and protected.

I split up with my abuser before I realised I was pregnant and I never looked back. I so enjoyed my baby knowing that I didn't have to deal with his negativity at the same time.

AnotherAdultHumanFemale · 11/08/2019 01:56

Please ring the national domestic abuse helpline OP. It sounds like your partner is at least emotionally abusing you. It's not right that he insults you like that, it's a red flag, and you are extra vulnerable because you are pregnant.

Please put your safety and your baby's safety first. You can leave a voicemail and they can ring you back when he's out.

My ex is abusive so I've been there. It's tough leaving an abuser because they break down our self esteem and make us fear being without them (trauma bonding) but 100% worth it. You deserve so much more.

Also, ignore the idiots here saying mean things to you, they sound abusive themselves.

Sobeyondthehills · 11/08/2019 02:05

*Are you overweight!"

Its none of your business and even if she was, she does not deserved to be called names

Jemima232 · 11/08/2019 02:28

Are you overweight

It's irrelevant. She does not deserve his verbal abuse whether she's six stone or fifteen stone.

This woman has posted because she feels upset and vulnerable. She is also carrying a baby and her partner is being less than supportive.

OP - I'm so sorry your partner is a bastard to you when you have rows. What's he like the rest of the time? I get the impression that you'd quite like to leave but haven't plucked up the courage to do so.

Have you got family close by who would help you? What do they think of your boyfriend?

I was in a terrible, abusive relationship for years. I know how hard it is to break free. But for your baby's sake you must consider this.

If you're afraid of your boyfriend, confide in your midwife at your next appointment and she'll advise and help you.

FieryBiscuits14 · 11/08/2019 02:30

Life without being called a cunt is so much nicer. Please consider leaving this prick before he grinds you down completely.

ddl1 · 11/08/2019 02:33

'Maybe it's my hormones!'

Or maybe it's the disgusting behaviour of your partner.

LagunaBubbles · 11/08/2019 02:33

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EdWinchester · 11/08/2019 02:49

This is not normal. Don’t set your standards so low.

Decent people don’t hurl nasty insults at each other. It’s unthinkable. I pity you.

AnotherAdultHumanFemale · 11/08/2019 02:58

LagunaBubbles do you get off on being cruel to women in abusive relationships?

Your replies show unbelievable ignorance on this topic. Women stay in abusive relationships because they are trauma bonded to their partner. Abusers gaslight their partners so they blame themselves for their abuse. They are also often being financially abused by the man, and they may also be at risk of being killed by him if they leave. Overall it takes them on average 7 attempts to leave.

Two women a week are killed by a partner or former partner in the UK. Have some decency and stop commenting on matters you don't understand, then educate yourself. I suggest this as a start:

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/women-leave/