Leave during probation period

[Handmadestale]

Sorry, it’s a long one. I feel a bit s and I need some perspective before I take any drastic decision.*

I have taken a managerial position in a company where everyone else have worked their way up.

My line manager and I clashed over something. I felt strongly about a HR issue (not my department) that would impact the company. I was out of line and I apologised afterwards. Neither he or I handled it very well at the time and agreed that the blame was 50/50.

My issue is when we had the “chat” to clear the air afterwards. Everything that I ever did or said to him was picked apart, analysed and taken negatively.

E.g. He was filling some forms and I said, I should be doing this for you. (I was recruited to free up his time).

I recommended a management book that I enjoyed and he said that I must have thought he was a shit manager for getting him to read it.

He said he does not mix work with social life. Then he went on to say he could tell that I did not like him and only tolerated him.

I said something along the lines I’m sure we’ll be friends eventually and he was quick to say no we won’t. I’m not friends with people from work.

The positive things that I have done were more or less ignored for the purpose of this chat. I’ve worked my bum off, and improved things significantly for my department, saved the company time and money.

Truth is, I think he is great in his field. However I cannot work in an environment where everything I say or do is taken negatively. I’m genuinely a nice friendly person with no hidden agenda.

He more or less said that he won’t keep me if we can’t work together. This is fine.

I don’t want to be walking on eggshells for the next years.

If I left now, I would be putting the company in a difficult position. I do have a sense of duty. Equally I’m here talking about sense of duty when he would fire me without a second thought.

My options are:

1. Give it some more time and see if things improve
2. Leave
3. Work at it which will be good for my personal growth

I start looking for something else and then leave once I'd found something. He isn't going to change. You are both who you are as people.

Work at it all you like, but I bet he won’t.
I’d start looking

Start looking for another job life is too short. You don't need the hassle

I think that it's better to have one blip on your cv (I have one on mine which I happily explain away - role changed between me accepting the role and starting with the company and the role that I ended up doing wasn't something that I enjoyed or would have applied for) than a couple of years of unhappiness. Staying may also ultimately be damaging to your morale, self confidence etc.
Saying that, it always seems to be easier to get a new role when you are in a job and so I would stay until I found something unless it became untenable.

Maybe I should add that I love the position that I am in. It’s a great role and it gives me great job satisfaction.

The only issue is my line manager.

Realistically I know that he will not change, he has no reason to. I’m actually sad that for whatever reason he has chosen to view my actions as negative.

How can you love the job if the boss obviously does not like you?

If you were not so hardworking, you would probably already be gone. The worst part is that you cause conflict in him as he sees your value to the company but he does not want you there. This negativity will happen again so you will be walking on eggshells whilst you work there.

Better to leave now than to stay for a year hating it - for you and the company.

You don't owe them anything - don't make decisions out of a sense of duty because I can pretty much guarantee they won't reciprocate when making decisions about you.

He reads to me like someone for whom feeling powerful is important - the listing of your faults, the comments about not being friends (even when it sounded like you didn't mean it literally, but as a peace gesture), the things he's bristled over... They come back to him feeling you're challenging his power and then trying to put you in your place.

When he said he won't keep you if you can't work together he means he expects you to adopt a more subservient position. He doesn't mean work collaboratively.

People like that don't change. I'd be looking for somewhere new as soon a possible.

Out of interest is it a small place?

I’d leave because this sort of thing can damage your confidence over time. I agree his motivation Is more that of a power trip rather than an attempt to do the best for the organisation. So your achievements will always be looked at negatively, rather than as something that reflects well on everyone.

I also wonder whether you sell yourself short and maybe should be applying for more senior roles, rather than settling for making your boss look good! Because there’s no way he’s doing anything other than claiming the credit for all the positive changes you’ve made with his managers.

You are always going to work with people you don't get on with, along as you and he are professional you should be able to get on with it if you love the job that much

@RubyRubyRubyRubyAaaaah my understanding is that my line manager was instrumental in choosing me from interview stage.

I can’t see what I could have done to piss him off so monumentally.

He sounds quite childish and I think it sounds shitty working with someone who’s just waiting for you to do something wrong. Is there any other role you could do there that doesn’t report to him?

@caballerino it is a small place. You are correct, I meant friends as in we’ll make peace not that we are off on holiday together.

Sorry OP but you sound like you’ve come across rather supercilious to your manager. What on earth were you thinking giving him a book on management style? If you like the job that much keep your head down and get on with it. If you can’t do that then it would be better for you if you left.

Well he is a shit manager so maybe you had a point in recommending the book.

It reads to me like he feels threatened by you, maybe he is insecure in his abilities so is trying to make you doubt yourself.

It is a tough decision - you love the job and find it rewarding yet continuing to work for him and his style will chip away at you and could make you hate your work. You need to be mentally strong to get through but is the job worth the personal effort?

@yaflamingalah It was a book and it was small talk. It’s just a book that was recommended to me before and which I gained a lot from. I would NEVER possibly be offended by a book and I struggle to see how anyone else can.

Handmadestale because you’ve told him to read a management book. Meaning you think he needs to improve, of course he’s offended!
Fair enough if you said you learnt a lot and he asked for the book but he didn’t so you’ve basically said you think he’s shit.

Sorry @Handmadestale but of course he is going to be offended by you recommending a management style book! I can’t imagine any work situation I’ve ever been in, where this would be anything but offensive

@ltjudyhopps is there anything I can do to “repair” this?

I think this all still goes back to your clash though doesn't it? Although you say that you ' cleared the air' and agreed that the blame was 50:50 I'm not so sure that he sees it that way, and perhaps feels that he can't rely on you to have his back as it were.
You say that the issue you clashed over was something not relevant to your department - perhaps he's concerned about your boundaries? I'm not agreeing with his position at all by the way, I just think that this clash has perhaps done more damage to your working relationship than you have realised.
Maybe time to look to move on sooner rather than later and the ' blip' on your cv can easily be explained as what it is - a clash of personalities

OP,
I think you have some growing to do.
You messed up badly with the HR issue. It reflects poorly on him because as your manager he is supposed to keep you in line.

His chat with you sounds like an attempt to mentor you in ways in which you come across negatively that you might not be aware of. The recommending a management book to your manager is definitely something that is impolite and can be taken as a criticism of their management. Questioning your manager on the tasks they are doing is also out of line...you don’t decide if you fill out forms or he does, he’s the manager he decides what tasks you do.
It is also inappropriate to be telling your manager that you’ll be “friends eventually” that implies you’ll want special treatment and unfair advancement and ratings compared to your peers.

Yet even after he explained this & other things to you, you refuse to take this on board and think he is the problem.

You cannot handle criticism. You need to start being able to do that to be able to work well for your line manager. (You work WITH peers, but FOR your managers/superiors. )

I don’t there is any chance but to leave but do try to secure another position first. This reminds me of a situation I was in a long time ago. I joined a new company, was doing very well with lots of compliments from other members of staff. My line manager chose to pull me aside after a few weeks and tell me that she was onto me and I was never going to get her job She continued to make my life hell and in the end I walked out. Luckily my previous job were begging for me to come back.

You can’t change bad managers and we are at work too many hours to be unhappy. Hope you find something else soon.

@Handmadestale if you decide to stay for a bit, don’t get comfortable. You are asking what you can do to repair this- consider this. He does not have to do anything to repair this. He isn’t spending the weekend worrying about it. You could give him all your salary back and work for free and it probably wouldn’t be enough.
He’s got you defending/debating (on here-with the vipers) these incredibly minor conversational interactions. Why? You e done nothing wrong! He has decided to dislike you. Maybe that’s why he picked you, maybe he always employs younger people, women whoever to push around.
The irony is that YOU are displaying all of the behaviours and thinking of a good employee, colleague, manager in your OP. Is he?

I would NEVER possibly be offended by a book and I struggle to see how anyone else can.

Because, in an already fractious situation, you've made a gesture that could easily be construed as saying "You're a shit manager and you need to get better. Here's a manual for you to learn how not to be so god-awful". If you can't see how that might happen then that could explain why you could be rubbing others up the wrong way.

You may well genuinely have meant it in a "I read this GREAT book and I loved it so much I want everyone to read it!" way but offering someone what is - effectively - a self-help book is telling them they need help.

You've already said you were "out of line" on your initial HR issue, for which you'd had to apologise. Is some of this clash of personalities because of how you approach social interactions? I say this gently, but you can be good at the operational side of things (improving stuff, saving time and money for the company) whilst not necessarily being good at taking people with you as you implement your vision or seeing how your behaviours appear to others.

@AngelasAshes thank you, I genuinely hear you. IT is too late, everything is now done.