Leave during probation period

[Handmadestale]

Sorry, it’s a long one. I feel a bit s and I need some perspective before I take any drastic decision.*

I have taken a managerial position in a company where everyone else have worked their way up.

My line manager and I clashed over something. I felt strongly about a HR issue (not my department) that would impact the company. I was out of line and I apologised afterwards. Neither he or I handled it very well at the time and agreed that the blame was 50/50.

My issue is when we had the “chat” to clear the air afterwards. Everything that I ever did or said to him was picked apart, analysed and taken negatively.

E.g. He was filling some forms and I said, I should be doing this for you. (I was recruited to free up his time).

I recommended a management book that I enjoyed and he said that I must have thought he was a shit manager for getting him to read it.

He said he does not mix work with social life. Then he went on to say he could tell that I did not like him and only tolerated him.

I said something along the lines I’m sure we’ll be friends eventually and he was quick to say no we won’t. I’m not friends with people from work.

The positive things that I have done were more or less ignored for the purpose of this chat. I’ve worked my bum off, and improved things significantly for my department, saved the company time and money.

Truth is, I think he is great in his field. However I cannot work in an environment where everything I say or do is taken negatively. I’m genuinely a nice friendly person with no hidden agenda.

He more or less said that he won’t keep me if we can’t work together. This is fine.

I don’t want to be walking on eggshells for the next years.

If I left now, I would be putting the company in a difficult position. I do have a sense of duty. Equally I’m here talking about sense of duty when he would fire me without a second thought.

My options are:

1. Give it some more time and see if things improve
2. Leave
3. Work at it which will be good for my personal growth

If he was instrumental in hiring you, it sounds to me like you’ve dented his ego by performing way better than he anticipated and he hates that.
I worked in construction for many, many years - I get it OP.

It’s not so bad these days.

Leave if you’re unhappy, but find a job first.

It is also inappropriate to be telling your manager that you’ll be “friends eventually”

It also implies that you don't respect or understand others' boundaries when it comes to the line between work lives and personal lives. I get on with the people with whom I work and enjoy their company but I rarely have them as friends outside of work because I prefer to keep those two parts of my life separate. By saying "I'm sure we'll be friends eventually" it comes across somewhere between patronising ("I'm sure you'll get over yourself in the end") and aggression in trying to force someone to be your friend whether they like it or not.

The book... Did it come up in a conversation to which it was relevant? With you naming the book and saying how helpful it had been and singing its praises?

Or did you randomly walk up to his desk and say "I think you should read this"?

I've re read your post given some of the harsh responses you've had eg on form filling. In context I don't see how you were at fault with the forms either.

Context is everything.

As an aside, where I work people are expected to gradually take on more and more of the tasks of their line manager (other than actually supervising themselves!) 1) as a way to progress, and 2) to free up the line manager's time to progress to bigger/more interesting/more challenging stuff etc.

It's seen as a good thing, as long as people do those tasks well.

I wouldn't stay somewhere small with somebody like this, it will become a nightmare. Somewhere bigger might be manageable.

You don’t owe any job anything. It’s just a job. The company would get rid of with no qualms. I’m not saying don’t work hard or care but you need to put yourself first.

@Yaflamingalah there’s lots of situations where colleagues discuss management books and recommend them to -gasp- managers as well. Adult human grown ups should be able to handle that level of offence at work, I think.
A good manager would kerb their frustration if they were annoyed, not allude to sacking the person.

What was the book?

It sounds like you have overstepped and now either need to work to repair the relationship or leave.

You're still in probation which is usually 3 or 6 months, during that time you have made a big issue about a HR concern where you have admitted you were wrong, questioned his delegation skills, suggested a book to make him a better manager which he found insulting and told him that his personal boundaries are wrong and that he will whether he likes it or not be friends with you.

And those are just the things you've told us about.

I would find that set of behaviours highly irritating if I was your line manager and would question your management abilities.

There is a settling in period in a new role, where you should take the time to understand the personalities, skills, strengths and weaknesses of the people that you work with and for. That should then drive how you approach and work with those people. You do not need to sacrifice your opinions or skills but you do need to tailor your approach. It sounds like you've gone in like a bull in a china shop and managed to offend your line manager, which is never a good starting position.

If you want to make this work then you can, but start by demonstrating how you can work well with your colleagues, what strengths you can bring to the role. Your colleagues may never be your friends, many people like to keep defined boundaries between work and personal lives, they can however be people whom you work extraordinarily well with and who bolster you, and you them, professionally.

@VenusTiger
“If he was instrumental in hiring you, it sounds to me like you’ve dented his ego by performing way better than he anticipated and he hates that.”

Where do you even get that? Yes the OP is competent as an expert in her field as she has saved the company time and money but if a person is going to be at all suited to management they have to also master soft skills. Being a manager is so much more than being an expert. You have to learn to collaborate with and motivate other managers in other departments. You need to know how to negotiate & communicate effectively.
The Manager made it plain that she has some growing to do there in her soft skills area and her list of scenarios supports his view imho.
She’s not doing better but worse than he anticipated hence the oblique reference to the fact she is still on probation and should not take it for granted that her job is secure.

@Handmadestale
If you think your line manager will give you a fair shake, then stick around. I think if you can take on board his criticisms and improve you will learn a lot from this.
The HR incident does not bode well as managers are expected to be able to work well with HR in regards to personnel issues.
Lwmommy had great advice in her post too.

@Angelasashes

I got it from this comment that the OP made:

The positive things that I have done were more or less ignored for the purpose of this chat

I’ve been in a similar position where my line manager just didn’t like me and it only started after I’d made some improvements in my department- coincidence I think not.

It’s my opinion Angelas- that alright?

@RubyRubyRubyRubyAaaaah what utter rubbish but don’t let that get in the way of your agenda. The simple fact is the OP can’t be wrong because her manager is ‘gasp’ a man! And because of that he obviously wants to put her down and threaten her because of his male privilege. Nothing at all to do with the fact that the OP has way over stepped the mark and tried to make a fool of her manager several times.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I wanted to have some perspective and this has really given me a lot of think about.

I am relatively young I comparison to my peers having got where I am through the education route rather than the people and experience route.

I never meant to hurt or try to show off. It was more that I was excited to be where I was. The office is rather informal but I 100% agree that my line manager is not there to be my friend. It was an unfortunate choice of words.

I could leave. Or I could get fired.

Right now, I want to make it work. I know it will take a lot of hard work to prove myself now after I have messed up. I’m a firm believer in 2nd chances so we will see what happens. If they do fire me, then it means that our values were not aligned.

I don’t think they would actually fire me because I am actually really good at my actual job. I just need to keep my head down, not try to hard to make friends and prove myself through the results I bring in.

Once again, thank you everyone for your help.

@Handmadestale hope it goes ok.