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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hand hold please?

62 replies

Mummyto2munchkins · 10/08/2019 18:25

Partner of 6 years woke up in a bad mood. Messaging me (whilst at work this morning) moaning about the state of the house.
Got home was tidying he was in bed as he's got "man flu" moaned I turned the light on. DP said I'd done it on purpose to annoy him. One massive argument later he asked me to leave. Apparently I only think about myself. Currently on the bus to DMs with my 2 DC :( I'm devastated

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 10/08/2019 21:51

He said my eldest could stay but youngest comes with me (still breastfed at a year!) eldest of course came with me! I'm doing better than I thought! Just popped kiddies channels on whilst the youngest is exploring around. DM is away till Monday so it's just me and DC.

OP posts:
Bananasandchocolatecustard · 10/08/2019 21:56

What an arsehole to treat you like that! Don’t contact him and don’t go back. Easy advice to give, but you deserve so much more than the way you have been treated.
Will you be able to stay at your mums until you feel stronger? Definitely don’t give him any money for bills. If you have a joint account take out as much money as you can.

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 10/08/2019 22:08

No joint accounts no. DM and aunt both said I can stay with them for as long as I need to.

OP posts:
browneyes77 · 10/08/2019 22:23

This guy sounds quite manipulative and abusive to me.

The fact he was quite happy to chuck out you and his children and has threatened you with kicking you out before makes me think this is a control thing. He’s laying down his rules - his way or the highway. You do as he says/wants or you’ll be punished.

If he wants you to come back, I’d think very carefully about whether it’s what you really want, as this is likely to happen again and again.

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 10/08/2019 22:34

He's just messaged me "Not even a message to say your all okay? The only way I could tell was you were last on WhatsApp :("
Knew he'd say something! I've just said we're all fine.

OP posts:
MarkRonsonsMother · 10/08/2019 22:37

Keep of whatsapp, and I would be moving in with DM permanently.

endofthelinefinally · 10/08/2019 22:41

Before you block him, message him to remind him that he threw you and your dc out.
Once you have a message back as proof ( for council, legal advice, cms etc), you can save it as evidence.

Hangingwithmygnomies · 10/08/2019 22:45

Mummy I would've text back "I'm surprised you care. Considering you've thrown us out why would I message you?!" What a pig of a man doing that. Flowers x

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 10/08/2019 22:45

He's said he's really poorly and he woke up and we'd gone. So I replied with he asked me to leave so I did. He saw me packing the kids bags and I said bye but he was asleep. His response was he can barely focus on his phone. Then said its too windy to bring DC this far. So I just said they enjoyed the journey. I've made sure I've told him again it was his choice we left. And made sure he knows both DC are fine.

OP posts:
Motoko · 10/08/2019 22:51

Whatever he says, don't go back to him. When he realises he's not getting anywhere with his current tactics, he'll try others, including lovebombing you, apologising, promising to change, etc. They're all lies, all he wants is you back in your place, under his rule.

FirstTimeFlyer · 10/08/2019 22:54

Definitely don't go back. What a dickhead.

Rainbowqueeen · 10/08/2019 22:55

Good for you OP

Have a lovely weekend

Monday start getting organised. CMS claim

Arrange to return to get the rest of your and DCs things

Only then would I organise contact

Your DC are too young to remember any of this. If they were older imagine how traumatic this would be for them

Hugs

MamaGee09 · 10/08/2019 22:58

Change your WhatsApp so he can’t see when you’ve last been on. Also only answer texts relating to the kids.

He sounds like a shit partner and an even worse dad, what dad tells his partner to leave effectively making his own children homeless!

You deserve better, much better!

ASundayWellSpent · 10/08/2019 22:58

So lucky you've got a place to go! I had something similar with a previous partner but luckily no DC together, looked him in the eye and told him if I walk through that door I won't ever be coming back. He tested me and I got a lucky escape. That is not the kind of sick game to threaten your partner and children with.

BitchPeas · 10/08/2019 23:01

What a manipulative dickhead. He knows full well he told you to leave. Don’t fall for his games. Stay at your DMs for good.

RainbowAlicorn · 10/08/2019 23:03

Do not go back to this man. Stay where you are, get away from him now.

WhyBirdStop · 10/08/2019 23:06

He sounds horrible, why is the house your sole responsibility? Also he has repeatedly threatened to throw you and the children out, he's exerting control/power because you live in 'his' house. Well you don't anymore, you sound like you've got supportive family, you and your children deserve better than a man like him.

Pannalash · 10/08/2019 23:08

He sounds incredibly manipulative OP, you and your children are worth so much more than this.

StaplesCorner · 10/08/2019 23:13

What do you want to do next OP? I presume you will go back in a couple of days?

Thehop · 10/08/2019 23:16

Please don’t go back to him

Tonnerre · 10/08/2019 23:17

I struggle to think of the right answer to that message from your partner. It's a choice between:

"Of course we're not OK, you chucked your children out of their home"
and
"Yes, we're OK, delighted to have you out of our lives"
and
"It's not your business any more since you threw us out".

endofthelinefinally · 10/08/2019 23:17

Do NOT go back alone to get your things. Make sure you take a couple of large friends.

liliroars · 10/08/2019 23:17

Is he fucking five? Sad face messages wondering why you haven't contacted him to update him on the safety of his children that he gladly chucked out.

I'm pleased you've got some decent support op. You deserve so much better than this absolute moron. Thanks

Original poster
Mummyto2munchkins · 10/08/2019 23:19

I don't even know what I'm gonna do next. But I'm a good hour away. I also have work first thing Monday and don't drive so this could be very interesting!

OP posts:
Bunnybaubles · 10/08/2019 23:22

You're DP told you to leave, making you and his own kids homeless because he's feeling under the weather and in a bad mood????

WTF!?! There is no argument big enough that would make my DP see his family out on the streets.

Do you really need this man so bad you would go back? What happens the next time he throws you all out and nobody is home to take you and your kids in??