To ask people not to smoke in my garden

[clapperboard]

Context is FIL chain smokes to the extent that DH won't take the DC to their house as they smoke indoors so it's very strong smelling.

When inlaws visit FIL goes on the front garden to smoke. Now it's summer the DC are mostly in the rear garden when they visit so FIL will sit chain smoking while DC are playing.

Is it unreasonable to ask him to go onto the front away from DC to smoke still? I haven't suggested this to DH (he'd be the one who asked him to) as I didn't know if I was being U. It's not a big garden but my issue is when he visits indoors he can manage 15-20 minutes without smoking breaks but when we are outdoors he smokes one after the other so we all sit breathing it in.

YANBU. Your garden, your kids, your rules.

YANBU.
Dh has siblings who smoke indoors. We never visit them.at their houses for that reason and they are not allowed to smoke in our (small) garden.
I hate smoking with a passion. They moan and groan but somehow manage an evening without smoking here, whereas they have 10-20 a day at home.

You can and should. Your poor kids.

YANBU. I'd make it a blanket rule that he doesn't smoke where the DCs can see him.

And I'd make sure he picks up his disgusting fag ends, too.

Yanb at all u! I really would dislike the children watching him do this anyway, let alone the awful smell.

Oh my god. Really?! In a big garden, what difference is it going to make to your children? Hardly a confined space where they are going to be breathing in secondhand smoke. Surely there are bigger fish to fry...

Or surely FIL could not stink up a lovely garden with carcinogens.

Smokers suck.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, OP! How could any sane person defend blowing a cocktail of 400 toxic carcinogens over children? Would they be equally happy for a relative to release a radioactive gas in your garden?
If your DC see their grandparent smoking, it undermines their health education too. They won’t want to believe that dear old grandpa is an addict who has a 50% chance of dying from his habit, so they’ll reduce cognitive dissonance by deciding it can’t be that harmful after all. And might try it themselves.
And that’s without even considering the disgusting stink that clings to everything for days, making it unpleasant to even sit in the garden until wind and rain have cleaned it away.
As a PP said - your house, your rules.

I think this is a bit much, unless he's blowing smoke in their faces, or they are playing in a haze of smoke then it's outside so taken away in the air.

However you need to do you.

Yabu and a bit harsh. He already has to go outside to smoke when you're indoors. The smoke in a garden isn't going to harm your children unless as previous poster said he's going to sit blowing it into their faces.

Smoking is anti-social. Regardless of the harm it may cause it still smells, makes a mess and requires a dirty ashtray and fag ash on the table. I also don't want to normalise smoking to my kids.

Being in the open air makes not one jot of difference if you are downwind of a smoker. Of course YANBU to ask him to smoke further away from the DC. Plus chainsmoking is an appalling example for him to set. They don't need to see it either.

I wouldn’t like it. I’m really sensitive to smoke and I can smell it for a good distance even outside. I’d not like it being normalised in front of the children either.

Maybe, but depends on your particular circumstances, e.g. how big the garden is. We have some lovely next door neighbours but the man smokes really strong smelling cigarettes (I'm not too familiar with different types but they smell worse than the usual ones I walk past in the street) in their back garden (I don't think he's allowed to smoke in the house!). Our gardens are small and the smell comes in our house if we have the windows open so then we have to run around shutting them all!

I get that smokers feel like they aren't allowed to smoke anywhere anymore, and I do have some sympathy towards that despite being vehemently anti-smoking since I was a child (my DM is actually allergic to smoke) but there are some anti-social smokers who think that as long as they're outside they can light up wherever - it's horrific walking into the entrance of our local shopping centre you have to walk through clouds of smoke to get to the door 🤮

I don't have smoking anywhere near us because we are non-smokers.
I don't know why we have to tiptoe around smokers when they're the ones making life-limiting decisions.
It's so annoying being around smokers who can't go 15 mins without needing to start puffing away on nights out, if it was someone visiting nipping out of the house every 10 minutes, I'd rather they didn't bother. Very jarring and unsociable.

My eldest son had as a child an allergy to tobacco smoke .
When my brother came to stay he would smoke in the garden as I refused to allow anyone to smoke in the house.
Anyway to cut a long story short,son rushed to doctors,projectile vomiting and generally un-well.
Long chat with doctor,who suggested to tell Bro not to smoke around my son.
Ha agreed and problem solved its self within 12 hours. Your house/garden your rules Its not a personal attack on FIL.
And Im sure he will understand.

PP be like, "Poor FIL he already has to smoke outside.."

He doesn't "have to" smoke anywhere ffs

Oh my god. Really?! In a big garden, what difference is it going to make to your children? Hardly a confined space where they are going to be breathing in secondhand smoke.

OP literally said in her post that it’s not a big garden, and just because they’re outside doesn’t mean they won’t be breathing in secondhand smoke. I can be walking 20 yards behind someone smoking in the street and be aware of it. Unless it is a windy day the smoke won’t dissipate particularly quickly.

Nothing worse than gong into a park or garden and some dick is stinking the place up with fags.

Don't feel bad about this OP, they're your children and it's your house so tell him your rules:

• No smoking in the house
• No smoking near/within sight of the children

Everyone knows the risks of smoke/second hand smoke and for him to sit there next to them and smoke is so disrespectful IMO. If he wants to damage his body fair enough but he should think about other people, especially his grandchildren!

I've never smoked, I'm mildly asthmatic and I grew up around a fair few smokers so I'm very anti-smoking. My mum used to smoke and I straight up said to her, if she wants to see her grandchildren she needs to stop smoking so her and her house don't smell of it all the time. She now vapes which I'm happier with. The important thing is she did it because she cares about me and seeing her future grand-kids (first one due in Jan 2020!).

I hope it all works out because it's not fair on you or the kids.

YANBU at all, smoking is shit.

Ewww he must stink your house out from his minging fag breath when he comes into the house afterwards.
My parents and sister came to visit Xmas day having been smoking in the car in the way over. The smell when they all came in nearly made me throw up. It was rancid. I told them that next time they turn up at my house smelling like that they are not coming in. The smell lingered for about an hour after. That’s just from their breath and their clothes.

I don’t allow smoking in front of my kids. I’m vehemently anti smoking. It’s vile.

Thanks for responses. I’m going to chat to DH later and suggest he tells him front garden only.

It’s a tough one as MIL (used to smoke but hasn’t for many years) has lung cancer and FIL still smokes in the house, in the car with her and other DGC so I know he will think it’s unreasonable as his perspective of reasonable is really different to ours.

YANBU. He is being very very very unreasonable. What grandparent would want to do that in front of their DGC anyway?

She has lung cancer and he STILL smokes around her? What an absolute horror of a person, that is absolutely disgusting. I think with that attitude you’d have a struggle for him to think about anyone but himself the disgusting human.