Is this creepy, or am I overreacting?!

[CareOwl16]

I hope you will all tell me AIBU, but just wanted to check if this situation is odd to other people!

I started a new job not too long ago. It's a bit of a strange company and I've had very little guidance. A man in another department spoke to me one day in the canteen, and said if I ever needed help or advice about the company he will be happy to help me. He seemed very friendly and we had a few coffees to chat about work, people, and he told me the general etiquette of the place. We also exchanged numbers, as sometimes I get in and the gate is locked (and his role is the one to open it). So I can ring him

He's in his late 60s, and I'm in my late 20s. He's married with grandchildren so I saw him as a nice guy who was helping me out. But things are starting to get a bit weird - he keeps texting me outside of work for one. It's mostly about work, and I do reply with questions such as 'do you know what time the meeting is tomorrow etc etc. Then he started sending me pictures of his dogs, so quite innocent stuff.

But he says some things that make me a little uneasy - things like I always look very nice, have a pretty smile, and kiss emojis. And other things which could look nice of flirty depending on how you look at it. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he's of an age where he thinks that's just normal to send friends on social media. I have quite a few friends who are older than me and always seem to get on better with them than people my own age. I reply changing the subject, with generic questions about work. When he messages me and I don't reply he will send another message to nudge me.

Am I reading too much into this, is it a case of he doesn't know the social media boundaries due to his age? He knows I'm married, and I know he also messages other young women at work and is generally a friendly guy. Advice please

Don’t answer his messages out of work time.

But I just can't fathom why he would think a woman in their 20s would be interested in someone old enough to be their grandparent? Especially as I'm married.

Who cares why? Just ignore or block and try not to be so naive. Don’t give it any more thought. It’s not your fault.

These are sometimes the worst type I think, when you feel as though something isn't right but not quite sure and they slowly, gently push the boundaries. I had two like this in my early thirties. One was a driving instructor and one the manager of a pub I was working in. And sometimes there's just not quite enough to report them. In my case I changed driving schools then later heard he'd been doing it to a number of women. The pub manager was more difficult. Well known and liked, been there years, I needed the job. Convenient hours, fitting in with school, close to home, etc. Finally, one day he followed me into the ladies, pressed me against the wall and tried to kiss me. I kneed him, grabbed my coat and went home. DH went round and gave him a good bollocking but I never did feel confident enough to report to the police. I knew it would all sound just not quite enough for him to not wriggle out of. OP, I think you should stop answering his texts altogether, say your phone's not working and keep well away at work. Is this possible and do you think it would be enough?

It sounds friendly rather than creepy to me, but may be time to tell him how wonderful your husband is, etc, just so he knows for sure that you're not interested. He is 60 but he still feels 30 and is flattered that you seem to enjoy his company. Like others, I also agree that you shouldn't feel you have to text him back before morning. Just cool it a little bit. You have appreciated his advice & friendship and presumably he thought you'd be interested in his dog pics. It seems OK, but could lead to something you hadn't planned for, so gently put him straight. My DH had a bit of a crush on a younger girl at work, who picked his brains but was careful to never give out details of her private life to him, and although they are friendly he was never in any doubt that she didn't fancy him.

It's thinking like this that enables dirty old perverts to continue on with their disgusting predatory behaviour believing they have legitimate chances with anyone significantly younger.

People need to stop enabling shit men.

Block him. Sorted.

Well its not that surprising older man at that end of his days younger woman ~ well it can be OK "ish" seen it in the past several times in media circles sometimes a affair of sorts devlops, lots of times not.

However it can be as the OP is finding a PITA yes this guy may well be very helpfull maybe he has designs on her and well, maybe not.

Perhaos he is overstepping her mark question is do you go to the HR dept , do you confront him and tell him to mind his boundaries or simply to eff off all have a drawbacks.

I sometimes think its best to be as direct as possibe and let him, him know that whilst you appriacte his help and assiatance you do have a life outside work perhaps a boyfriend and see if he'll back off and take the hint.

So what happens when his wife sees these texts from a younger colleague(it is pretty much a daily post here on MN) and starts accusing you of an affair?

Tell him you won’t be responding to texts outside of work hours anymore .

Yup. Creepy fucker IMO. Ignore his messages, and if he ass why, tell him plainly.

Why not start by not texting him. Cool off. No need to be rude but if you’re texting him then in his mind maybe you’re encouraging a friendship that you actually don’t want. Don’t respond to texts outside work hours either. That’s my advice and I’ve been in similar situations.

Hes been helpful. He’s now making you uncomfortable. It has to stop.

Up to you to decide how hard to be. Personally I’d not grass him in to be disciplined yet, I’d give him one chance to stop his texts. Then he’s had it. Expect him to be cool after you say whatever to him too.

Not sure how I’d go about it. Perhaps -
“By the way Jimmy my husbands phone has broken so we are sharing mine until his current contract is up and he can get a new one. So if you text me it could be him that reads it if he has my phone that day. just mentioning. I love him to bits, his only fault is dropping phones”.

You have to remember if this guy’s the one unlocking the gate for you and it’s just the two of you at work that you need to stay safe. Hence I wouldn’t create an enemy if I could avoid it so I’d manipulate the situation to get what I wanted without causing offence. And just keep the hell away from him.

But if he still creeps you out you need to do something more formal.

It’s a difficult situation especially when you want to think the best of the old chap in case he is just being grandfatherly.

That’s creepy.

He's trying his luck.

It’s attention and also power I had to complain about a man in his early seventies who boundary crossed in to touching my back, now some would say that’s not sexual like having your bottom slapped but it was unwelcome. I politely asked him to not touch me and he carried on doing it. I’m no spring chicken like yourself but I’m almost 25 years younger than him. He has not touched me since but he loves to be sarcastic towards me. He was probably a creepy perv when he was young he is now a creepy perv who is old.

Just tell him to stop, be clear if he doesn’t then you have to report. He absolutely targeted the new nervous woman.

But I just can't fathom why he would think a woman in their 20s would be interested in someone old enough to be their grandparent? Especially as I'm married.
He doesn’t see himself as old enough to be your grandparent. He probably sees himself as a just few years older, more experienced and quite desirable. Your marital status has no bearing on the situation.
It’s also possible that he sees himself as a helpful friendly colleague and belies that “young ladies” like pictures of furry animals and kissing emojis so he thinks he is just being “trendy” (down with the kids) 🙄