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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Silent treatment

43 replies

Jmcd2020 · 09/08/2019 12:21

If your OH gave you silent treatment and wouldn’t talk about an issue. Would you leave? I did, and haven’t heard from him for five days. Staying with friends and he hasn’t contacted me at all...

OP posts:
Original poster
Jmcd2020 · 09/08/2019 12:31

I’m 6 months pregnant too

OP posts:
Thehop · 09/08/2019 12:32

Can you move permanently or do you have somewhere long term to go? Parents? Siblings?

What’s the housing situation at home? Owned?rented?

AryaStarkWolf · 09/08/2019 12:33

wow, that's really bad and childish. Is it the first time or does he do it alot? Do you own a house together or what?

Original poster
Jmcd2020 · 09/08/2019 12:35

We have a house together. I Will go back to parents soon as can’t continue to impose on friends. Just thought he would’ve called the next day to come home and sort it but nothing. Been five days now. He has given me the silent treatment before if he doesn’t agree with me

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 09/08/2019 12:42

Did you leave because you were not prepared to accept his treatment, or did you leave in an attempt to force him to engage? If the latter, probably both of you need help in how to handle conflict. Or perhaps you simply both need different partners.

NotEven · 09/08/2019 12:44

No one here can tell you what to do but I sometimes think people understate quite how nasty the ‘silent treatment’ is. I think it’s really, really shitty and really manipulative.

I wouldn’t want to live with someone who behaved like that. You have the rest of your life in front of you? Also, how would you feel if you stay and he thinks the ‘silent treatment’ is an appropriate way of dealing with your child?

Honeypie19 · 09/08/2019 12:48

I know its not the same but I have a male friend doing this to me now, although were only on day 2. He does it all the time and I always cave in (i've put this down to low self esteem issues) but this time for some reason I stood firm and have not contacted him.

Im sorry your going through this pregnant but I agree with the pp who said imagine if you had to watch him do this to your child one day.

newmomof1 · 09/08/2019 12:48

It kind of depends on why I guess

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/08/2019 12:50

You're 6 months pregnant with his child and he hasn't even called to see if you're OK? Sorry, but if you settle for that you need help. He's an arsehole.

It's over. Tell him so and see a solicitor about the house. Find a flat to rent for 6 months while you sort yourself out (and have his baby).

HollowTalk · 09/08/2019 12:50

I would definitely leave. If he can ignore you for so many days, when you are pregnant, then god help you if you lived with him with a baby, when he'd be tired and feeling neglected.

Do not contact him. Don't give in. If you need to go back to get your things, take someone with you and go when he's at work.

Then I'd visit a solicitor and get them to write to him about the house.

littlepaddypaws · 09/08/2019 12:52

you sound better off being away from this sort of rubbish, i know it's harsh but i would be getting myself sorted out and ready to be a single parent tbh.

CCquavers · 09/08/2019 12:55

I doubt he will change. Maybe you thought by staying with friends he’d see the error is ways but he hasn’t and he won’t.

LagunaBubbles · 09/08/2019 12:57

Was he always a bit of a dick like this behaviour would say before you fell pregnant?

Original poster
Jmcd2020 · 09/08/2019 13:00

I left because I said we either talk this out now and sort it or I go. He just looked at this computer the whole time. I was calm and not in a rage of any sort (not to his face). He has given me the silent treatment before but usually only for a day or two max. His family are aware and don’t seem to care, not heard back from them about it either. Think you are right - time to pack up and go for good.

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 09/08/2019 13:06

How long have you been together?

MereDintofPandiculation · 09/08/2019 13:18

I left because I said we either talk this out now and sort it or I go. That seems a perfectly reasonable line of action. I'm sorry it's come to this, but yes, there doesn't seem much future with him.

Original poster
Jmcd2020 · 09/08/2019 13:30

Been together 9 years, married 2. I’m so upset but I think I am right to not go back until I hear from him. His family know and haven’t contacted me either.

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 09/08/2019 13:33

Wow I thought you was going to a year or something like a new relationship! Not that it would be ok but that’s really Unbelievable he is acting like that

Beesandcheese · 09/08/2019 13:36

Oh my God. I know you're not seeing my ex because he doesn't have a financial input in the house he shares but that is about word for wOrd (followed by silence) the situation before our divorce. My experience? You will definitely find life easier without that sort of childishnes's when there's an actual child to be dealt with (I was pregnant with child 2). Get the legality of the house sorted and don't look back!

Original poster
Jmcd2020 · 09/08/2019 13:46

Yeah I think you are right. He has not supported me at all in an issue with his family, that’s how this has all come around. I’m fed up and not accepting this unreasonable behaviour.

OP posts:
needsome · 09/08/2019 14:56

Wow he's being a complete dick.

I agree with PPs saying you need to go for good, and I see you are thinking along similar lines.

00100001 · 09/08/2019 15:04

...where's mathanxiety when you need her...

Coffeeandcherrypie · 09/08/2019 15:09

You did absolutely the right thing. My ex said he would continue to give me silent treatment because ‘it worked’. That’s when I knew it was time to go.

Has it always been like this? 9 years is a long time and would have had a big impact in your self-esteem etc

genie10 · 09/08/2019 15:11

If you give in, this will always be his method of dealing with problems and from experience, he will probably extend the periods of silent treatment until one day, you won't give in and will stop caring. That may take you many (wasted ) years.This is a form of emotional abuse and he needs to seek help to change now or you need to leave.

Coffeeandcherrypie · 09/08/2019 15:53

Yep silent treatment periods from ex started off as one or two days and then became longer than a month over the years. Holidays, days out, dinner parties call dwindled as I never knew if he would be talking to me.