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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Silent treatment

43 replies

Jmcd2020 · 09/08/2019 12:21

If your OH gave you silent treatment and wouldn’t talk about an issue. Would you leave? I did, and haven’t heard from him for five days. Staying with friends and he hasn’t contacted me at all...

OP posts:

Whatisinaname1 · 09/08/2019 16:12

People who use silent treatment to abuse or control can keep it up a long time. One of my relatives did it to his wife for over 3 months. Terrible. Awful to live with for spouses and kids.

SapatSea · 09/08/2019 17:02

IME the "silent treatent" is always a form of punishment. Very manipulative. This article goes further and claims it is a form of emotional abuse:
www.goodtherapy.org/blog/silent-treatment-a-narcissistic-persons-preferred-weapon-0602145

Coffeeandcherrypie · 09/08/2019 17:15

That article is the clearest explanation of silent treatment I’ve ever read @SapatSea I’ve bookmarked it.

Wish someone had sent that or similar to me years ago!

FudgeBrownie2019 · 09/08/2019 17:17

The silent treatment is a form of abuse in my opinion. It's manipulative and cruel. Anyone manipulative and cruel doesn't deserve to be in a relationship so yep, I'd leave.

OP, I would begin to make plans to move out if you can, and walk away from this situation.

Original poster

Jmcd2020 · 10/08/2019 08:25

Day 6 and still nothing. I went to my house last night when I knew he was at work for mail, more clothes etc. So he’ll know I’ve been. Taking all My willpower not to contact him and give him what for... I should leave him to it though yeah?

OP posts:

WendyBagina · 10/08/2019 08:36

In 8 years, my husband hasn't once given me the silent treatment. This isn't a stealth boast, it's to illustrate that this behaviour isn't normal! There's absolutely no need for it.

My friend me parents behave like this. Just the two of them at home now and they once didn't talk for almost six months. They just moved around the house avoiding each other. Utterly bizarre.

Do you want your child growing up to believe this is normal and acceptable behaviour?

Livelovebehappy · 10/08/2019 08:56

Not acceptable at all, and because he’s done it before and there have been no consequences, he will do it again and again. I’d be worried about the house situation though. Can’t you move back in and ask that he leave as you need to be in your own home with you being pregnant. If you leave and it all goes legal with selling the house/being bought out, it can take months or years sometimes to sort, and he will be happily continuing his life in the property, his life not being disrupted, whilst you have to have the disruption of living with family in a not ideal situation.

Original poster

Jmcd2020 · 10/08/2019 09:05

I Yes I am leaning towards asking him to move out, why should I have to be living with parents and his life gets to continue in a house I am paying for. I do not want to contact him so perhaps I go round when he is working, pack his stuff and drop it off in his parents’ garden? The good thing about being at my parents’ is that none of them can come to me if that makes sense?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 10/08/2019 09:12

Silent treatment is just immature. I expect he sulks like a child as well. Move his stuff out if its your house

Holidayquestion1 · 10/08/2019 09:31

I divorced my ex in part because of his repeated silent treatments that would go in for weeks and weeks and weeks. Literally.

I put up with this for years before finding the courage to initiate divorce proceedings.

IMO OP, either your dh pledges to never use this tactic again and sticks to this, or you walk. He has to realise what he stands to lose, and fundamentally change the way he communicates if he wants to keep you, and his family together. IMO.

I have heard of people who are able to make this kind of change, I think you just need to be very clear with him.

Holidayquestion1 · 10/08/2019 09:31

go on, not go in

Sindragosan · 10/08/2019 09:42

If the house is yours, in your name then yes, he should move out. If it's in joint names even if you're paying for it you need to sell it.

If you're moving his stuff out you'll also need to change the locks the same day or he'll be in and won't move.

HollowTalk · 11/08/2019 12:11

Do you have a mortgage or is the house rented?

Original poster

Jmcd2020 · 11/08/2019 22:45

We have a joint mortgage

OP posts:

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 11/08/2019 23:03

My best friends husband does this. He will go days on end and not speak to her. They’ve been married 17yrs, together 27. It will not get better for you op. Make some decisions now. I wish my friend would but she won’t and cant and it’s so sad for me to watch.

Cherrysoup · 11/08/2019 23:09

You cannot, by law, prevent him from entering the house. You can't make him leave. Be careful and keep yourself safe.

IceQueenCometh · 28/08/2019 13:00

My ex administered the silent treatment as punishment for me divorcing him. I was so pleased.

avocadoincident · 18/09/2019 01:00

Just found this thread and wondered how it's all going.

I searched silent treatment as I'm going through the same thing and am also pregnant.

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