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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you describe an adult whose parents had died as an orphan?

93 replies

matahairyy · 09/08/2019 09:37

Parents had died when they were an adult obviously?
Or is an orphan a child? Terminology wise.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 09/08/2019 11:13

When our mum died, my brother sent me a message saying 'we're orphans!' a bit tongue in cheek.

It's just for children. Otherwise, pretty much everyone over the age of, say, sixty five, is an orphan.

zeezee3 · 09/08/2019 11:15

@matahairyy

YABU.

ANYONE whose parents are both dead, is an orphan.

joyfullittlehippo · 09/08/2019 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
matahairyy · 09/08/2019 11:26

@AnchorDownDeepBreath no one is. It’s in a book. Struck me as incongruous

OP posts:
Original poster
matahairyy · 09/08/2019 11:26

@joyfullittlehippo calm down fgs. No ones being callous

OP posts:
QualCheckBot · 09/08/2019 11:32

joyfullittlehippo God this thread shows how callous and completely lacking in empathy some people are.

I don't think its callous not to regard yourself as an orphan because your parents died 20 years ago when you were an independent adult.

Yes, technically I am an orphan, and in fact I was the child of two orphans, and all my grandparents were orphans when they died. All my aunts and uncles were orphans too. In fact my whole family are orphans.

But having been orphaned, I do find it a little bit over-wrought and not a good MH-wise to continually post describing yourself as an orphan on social media and use it as a reason for everything that has gone wrong in your life (the individual I am thinking of) when it happened decades ago, non-traumatically and also in adulthood.

CharDeeMacDennis · 09/08/2019 11:35

Larry David thinks not...

Bwekfusth · 09/08/2019 11:35

An orphan immediately conjures up images of a child. If my parents died tomorrow, I'd have no parents, but approaching 30, I wouldn't be calling myself an orphan.

LoafofSellotape · 09/08/2019 11:39

Not for a book I wouldn't call an adult an orphan BUT interestingly I remember my dad saying it hit him really hard when his dad died (his mum had died first) because he was now an orphan.

PancakeAndKeith · 09/08/2019 11:41

ANYONE whose parents are both dead, is an orphan.

So a 90 year old is an orphan?

Chakano · 09/08/2019 11:41

An orphan is a child, which way do I vote is it YANBU.

Jurassicmuma · 09/08/2019 11:43

My 60yo mum considers herself to be an orphan. I find it really weird tbh. She's really sad about it even though she wasn't close to my grandad. I'm not the most empathetic person mind, I do try though

MaisyMary77 · 09/08/2019 11:45

My dad died when I was 23, my mum died last year. I do sometimes refer to myself as an adult orphan. But only when I’m joking around with DH. Wouldn’t actually consider myself to be an orphan.

Marinetta · 09/08/2019 11:47

My mam's parents both died when she was in her 50s and she started calling herself an orphan which I found a bit strange. I found it a bit weird but didn't say anything to her about it as I figured that if she wanted to use the word to describe herself it wasn't doing anyone any harm.

RunsForGummyBears · 09/08/2019 11:47

I wouldn't. But if someone wants to self identify as one I wouldn't argue with them about it.

Likethebattle · 09/08/2019 11:58

My uncle jokingly said it at my grandmothers wake. He turned to his wife and said ‘aw Cathy that me an orphan now, will you take me in?’ He was about 50. I found that amusing.

percheron67 · 09/08/2019 12:05

I am an elderly orphan. My parents died when I was well into adulthood. I don't mention this to anyone I chat to but I feel that I am orphaned.

Stabbitha · 09/08/2019 12:12

I find it strange that there is a word for a child that has lost parents and a word for a person who has lost a spouse, yet there isn't one for parents that have lost children or adults without parents.

ScreamingValenta · 09/08/2019 12:17

I wouldn't use the term, but if it helped an adult who'd lost their parents to process their feelings by thinking of themselves as an orphan, I certainly wouldn't criticise it and I would go along with it in conversation.

EdtheBear · 09/08/2019 13:22

AnchorDownDeepBreath
Somebody who lost their parents at 11 is certainly an orphan. Flowers. Anybody with any sense can see how that would affect you well into adulthood. Lack of family support for uni, and even setting up your own home. Totally different to somebody who lost their parents in their 20s.

Maybe the way to word it is to say you were orphaned at 11.

Whatjusthappenedthere · 09/08/2019 13:39

I suppose if someone was orphaned as a child they may take that term with them into adulthood. Otherwise no.

Original poster
matahairyy · 09/08/2019 13:40

Of course I’d never correct anyone. This is s theoretical and rather interesting chat

OP posts:
zeezee3 · 09/08/2019 14:34

@matahairyy

No-one is being callous!

Are you kidding me right now? I have never seen such uncaring, nasty, thoughtless comments on a thread before. VILE. Hmm

zeezee3 · 09/08/2019 14:35

@matahairyy

No-one is being callous!

Are you kidding me right now? I have never seen such uncaring, nasty, thoughtless comments on a thread before. VILE. Hmm

zeezee3 · 09/08/2019 14:36

@joyfullittlehippo

An orphan is anyone who has lost both parents.

God this thread shows how callous and completely lacking in empathy some people are.

MN is mental sometimes. There's a thread right now saying men who have sex with women who are aged 16 or 17(or even up to 20 in some cases!) are paedophiles since 16 and 17 yr olds are still children.

And the endless screeching anytime anyone uses the word "girl" to refer to anyone above the age of about six.

Yet here we've got people ranting about how 17 yr olds who have lost both parents and have the audacity to be upset about it are just being obnoxious attention seekers.

Well said. MN has some vile posts sometimes. There are some seriously callous, unpleasant people on this thread.

Bet they don't say this shit to people in real life. Hmm

It's also very clear that they have not lost their parents at an early age.

They would not be bashing adults, who refer to themselves an an orphan after losing both parents otherwise.

And yeah you're right. And orphan is someone who has lost both parents. SOMEONE OF ANY AGE.

Yes, even fucking 85!

Some people on here must have swallowed a bucketful of nasty pills.

@EdtheBear

Somebody who lost their parents at 11 is certainly an orphan. flowers. Anybody with any sense can see how that would affect you well into adulthood. Lack of family support for uni, and even setting up your own home. Totally different to somebody who lost their parents in their 20s.

If you think someone losing their parents in their 20s has a MUCH easier time of it than someone who is 11, and is able to handle it soooo much better, and should not be calling themselves an ORPHAN, then you are breathtakingly ignorant, badly educated, callous, and obviously have no fucking CLUE what it's like to lose your parents at a young age.

This fucking place sometimes! Angry

And don't insult me by saying you DID lose your parents at a young age. You would not be saying such things if you did.

Hiding this thread now. It's giving me the rage! Angry