AIBU or was this bitchy?

[User463729]

My boyfriend recently got accepted onto a training course which should massively improve his employment prospects. To celebrate, his parents took us out for a meal. His older brother and brother's wife came too.

We had a nice meal, and then as we were leaving BIL's wife thanked his parents for the meal and then said to my boyfriend 'and thank you for giving us a reason to celebrate!'.

Am I being sensitive or was this a slightly bitchy comment? It seemed to me to imply that my boyfriend hasn't given anyone reason to celebrate before?

For some background context, my BIL and his wife have basically led a charmed life. They both got first class degrees from a top university, have great jobs, have had promotions etc. My boyfriend has struggled a bit more - got ok A-levels but dropped out of university and since then has worked in a supermarket. It's taken him a bit longer to find what he wants to do (this course will really help with that). I am really proud of him and he's a good person and a hard worker, and I just felt like she was drawing attention to him having had less 'reasons to celebrate'. We have all gone for dinner a few times to celebrate new jobs / promotions for BIL and his wife.

I wouldn't say anything to BIL's wife or anything like that, and I haven't said anything to my boyfriend (I don't want him to think she was being mean if that hasn't occurred to him, or accuse her of being bitchy if I am just being oversensitive). But AIBU to think it wasn't that nice a comment, and she could have just congratulated him?

I wouldn't have taken that as bitchy, no. I think it's a fairly standard comment

It sounds like a perfectly innocent and nice comment to make to me. But I don’t know her obviously. I would take it at face value and give her the benefit of the doubt though.

I wouldn't have taken it the other way, a nice way too say well done.

I think it was made with good grace as in

Thanks for being the reason we have all had a lovely evening

I think you are reading way too much into it

YABU. She literally just meant what she said It’s the sort of thing I’d say. No malice behind it at all.

You don’t like her, do you?

Not bitchy. Just glad to have an excuse to have a nice meal/ time with family. I sense issues here however...

Do you hate her, op? 😁

This sounds like a perfectly normal thing to say but it sounds like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder about their 'charmed life (which it sounds like they have worked hard for).

I think you’ve really had to twist it to find any meaning in it other than well done.

I see where your coming from but I think your reaching a little a one off remark is nothing to be sore if it happens again I would say bitchy

Sorry OP but it sounds like you're jealous of them.

Doesn’t sound bitchy to me. More like a congratulations.
What does sound bitchy is the charmed life comment. Doubt they’ve just been handed the first class degree, job and promotions - that takes a lot of hard work. Maybe you’re projecting the bitchiness onto her comment?

Thanks everyone - I need to give my head a mumsnet wobble!

I don't hate her at all. We don't really have anything in common, and we only ever see each other at family things. We're perfectly polite and friendly at those though.

I think I am just sensitive because I worry that the family don't see my boyfriend as successful. He and his brother went to an expensive private school and had lots of support from their parents and I worry they don't think my boyfriend made the most of that because he didn't finish uni etc. But it's definitely possible it's just my own insecurity telling me that!

I think it was a nice comment. I certainly wouldn't class having to work hard to get into a top university and come out with a first class degree as a charmed life . You clearly don't like her, are jealous and I wonder if this is more about your feelings about your BF dropping out of uni and working in a supermarket (not that there's anything wrong with either).

'He and his brother went to an expensive private school and had lots of support from their parents and I worry they don't think my boyfriend made the most of that because he didn't finish uni etc. '

Perhaps they secretly do think that but TBH it's little to do with you,

I can't see anything wrong with what she said??

You sound very touchy where he’s concerned. It sounds like she was trying to be nice.

It does depend on her tone in voice, but from what you've written it doesn't sound bitchy at all

I take back the charmed life comment - I see how that's bitchy and suggests they haven't worked hard for what they have.

I guess I mean they are living the life that I expect my boyfriend's parents wanted for their sons, and I worry that because my boyfriend doesn't, they feel let down. His parents used to pressure him a lot to get a better job, even filling out applications for him sometimes. And they sometimes comment on how different their sons are despite having the same upbringing etc.

I am proud of my boyfriend. He has worked in the same place for 5 years and in that time has never been late / called in sick / groused etc. He works hard and gets on with it, which I think are admirable qualities and in their own way a measure of success. But I think I have my own insecurities about how it's viewed by his family.

does not sound bitchy at all

another one that thinks she was being kind, it's the sort of thing I'd say.

Sorry I think you are completely over reacting.
She thanked his parents and then she thanked him. It was a perfectly normal comment and was intended to be friendly.

I feel a bit ridiculous now 😅

Just be grateful you got a free meal out of it and enough witht he green eyed monster [hmm[.

No, it was actually quite a good thing to say. She's obviously delighted for your boyfriend.

Congratulations to him and & for you.