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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drinking with DC

34 replies

YellowUnicorn · 09/08/2019 03:40

Hi, hoping I am BU but looking for reassurance to put my mind at rest.

DP is due to have our 3 month old DS on Sunday (his 2nd time, all day by himself) while I visit relatives for the day.

He's said he wants to go pub to watch the football, and "will have a few pints".

I'm worrying about the drinking. Would anyone else find this the norm and am I being silly for saying no?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/08/2019 03:44

Taking a 3 month old to the pub to watch football and drink? Is he always this stupid?

WeatherSchmeather · 09/08/2019 03:44

YANBU Does he often watch him without you being there? What’s his alcohol consumption like in general?

Passthecherrycoke · 09/08/2019 03:48

Why is it stupid? The baby might sleep, have it’s feeds, can have a walk in the garden- it’s only the pub, I don’t really understand the issue. Unless you think he’s going to go and get really pissed, or its a rough pub?

Passthecherrycoke · 09/08/2019 03:50

Btw you made a baby with him. You need to trust him to look after it, it’s his baby too. Saying “no” isnt really on

WeatherSchmeather · 09/08/2019 03:51

Sorry, just saw you answered the first question in your original post.

I don’t think he’s grasped the fact the baby is a real person who needs (sober) attention. Booze and football lads - sooo not an ideal combination for someone caring for a newborn.

Your DH needs to learn having kids means you have to make sacrifices. The upside is alone time to play with your wonderful son!

Original poster
YellowUnicorn · 09/08/2019 03:52

@WeatherSchmeather

Only his 2nd time having him without me being there.
He drinks abit more than I'd like - few cans a night. I think it's more that he opens one literally the second he comes through the door from work. Which when I'm home is annoying but ok, as I'm here for the baby. Just with me not being here it's making me worry

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowUnicorn · 09/08/2019 03:54

@WeatherSchmeather that's how I see it. But last few weeks I've been worrying more & just wanting baby with me, so needed some perspective on if I was being OTT

OP posts:
WeatherSchmeather · 09/08/2019 03:57

You know him better than I do but I wouldn’t be comfortable with it, OP. Sorry. My son is almost three and I wouldn’t want to be drinking that much with him at the pub. No way I would have considered it when he was a newborn.

Original poster
YellowUnicorn · 09/08/2019 03:58

@Passthecherrycoke

No not a rough pub at all. But yes I am worried incase he drinks too much.
I think because I'm with DC all day, when I'm not I'm worrying (first time mum) but don't know if I'm being too over protective 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
WeatherSchmeather · 09/08/2019 04:01

People might suggest you are being unreasonable but you need to go with your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If he won’t change his plans take your son with you. Not ideal, but you know your son best. You’ve been protecting him for a lot longer than your husband so you know what’s right.

Original poster
YellowUnicorn · 09/08/2019 04:01

@WeatherSchmeather thank you. I'll speak to him tomorrow after work and try to come to a solution we're both happy with.
Right night feed over, back to sleep.
Thanks all!

OP posts:
Original poster
YellowUnicorn · 09/08/2019 04:01

@WeatherSchmeather thank you. I'll speak to him tomorrow after work and try to come to a solution we're both happy with.
Right night feed over, back to sleep.
Thanks all!

OP posts:
WeatherSchmeather · 09/08/2019 04:01

People might suggest you are being unreasonable but you need to go with your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If he won’t change his plans take your son with you. Not ideal, but you know your son best. You’ve been protecting him for a lot longer than your husband so you know what’s right.

WeatherSchmeather · 09/08/2019 04:03

Sorry to repeat myself. Glitch in the thread!

Sunflowers11 · 09/08/2019 04:03

Absolutely not, he is there to look after his baby not get shit faced in the pub. Sounds like he is doing this on purpose because he knows you will cancel meaning he goes anyway.

Keep baby away from him but communicate through email only just so you have evidence of his neglectful behaviour.

Passthecherrycoke · 09/08/2019 04:10

I’m assuming this is your current partner not an ex having contact for the second time?

You can’t tell him to stay at home. He’s not the babysitter!

Sobeyondthehills · 09/08/2019 04:46

going to a pub YABU

Having "a few" YANUB

My brother in law likes his drinks and loves his football, when he took his son's to the pub to watch a football match he was sober, on his own I am sure he could drink his own body weight in beer and still be sober, but he never took that risk with his boys (and still doesn't)

surlycurly · 09/08/2019 04:51

I'd always take the angle that you need to be able to drive when you have a child that small in case something happens. You don't need to be sober for the rest of your life, but you should be when you they are wee. YANBU

perimenohell · 09/08/2019 05:10

@surlycurly I get where you are coming from but there are plenty of parents who can't : don't drive!

surlycurly · 09/08/2019 05:20

I didn't for years either. But if you can then why wouldn't you make sure you're able to?

Newmumma83 · 09/08/2019 05:29

If he is going to have one pint or perhaps a couple of shandy’s that would be fine ( though think pub is not best location for a baby that young ) not sure how I feel about a couple as that could be 3-4 pints ... I would be uncomfortable as 3 months is still very little

Shortstuff99 · 09/08/2019 05:35

I'd always take the angle that you need to be able to drive when you have a child that small in case something happens

This really plus they are sensitive and have nuanced needs and you can’t look after them
Properly when you’re impaired

If he’s a decent reasonable person he’ll understand mind you you wouldn’t have got this far with the issue if he was

Most partners would just say ‘ok fine I’ll watch it at home’ / will only have 1 drink’

Mothers are naturally protective over babies and fathers need to respect this

TwistyTop · 09/08/2019 05:41

It depends what he means by "a few pints". If he means a sensible amount of alcohol where he can drive home afterwards, then fine. If he means getting pissed with his mates then it's absolutely not fine.

My DH will take the baby to the pub on occasion, but he would stay under the legal limit to drive home, and I know he's responsible and his main priority would be her needs - he wouldn't think twice about leaving early if she wasn't settled or the place was too rowdy - so I wouldn't worry about it.

He's your partner, you know what he's like. I suspect if you're worrying about this it means he will probably drink too much and therefore it's not a good idea.

likeafishneedsabike · 09/08/2019 22:47

WTAF? Sounds like something out of Shameless. A 3 month old baby is not a bit of cargo to be hauled along to the pub Sad

Aprillygirl · 09/08/2019 23:29

No way would I allow my baby to be looked after by anyone drinking more than two pints, especially in a pub that could get a bit rowdy due to the footie. You are not being silly at all OP.

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