Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how to keep toddler in bed- desperately need help!

32 replies

Tigerwhocamefortea · 08/08/2019 23:02

Almost 3 year old has always taken up to 90 minutes to fall asleep at night. However he used to lie nicely in bed with his dummy and chat to himself until he fell asleep. Since losing the dummy 3 weeks ago he is now unwilling to just relax in bed and so his daytime nap has disappeared and he isn’t staying in his room at bed time.

We are returning him to his bed 30 plus times over a period of 2 hours every evening from 7-9pm. I tried earlier bedtime of 6:30 and a later bedtime of 8pm and it made no difference.

We have an almost 5 month old who is in our bedroom and toddler is constantly leaving his room and going in to her and so we have to stay on the landing until he sleeps as I can’t leave them unsupervised.

It’s ruining my evenings, means I can’t get anything done around the house and don’t get to talk to DH so desperately need some help!

I’ve considered a stair gate on his bedroom door but I don’t feel comfortable with it and it means he can’t come in to us in a morning then he wakes.

Does anyone have any ideas?

OP posts:
MustShowDH · 08/08/2019 23:13

Stair gate. You can always open it when you go up to bed so its open if he wakes in the night.

There are sleep meditation stories for kids on YouTube, you could always stick that on an iPad for him to listen to. Our library also lends out audio books which used to work for our DD.

Original poster
Tigerwhocamefortea · 08/08/2019 23:18

Ooo audio books are a good suggestion thanks. He has white noise playing all night but it doesn’t seem to be helping to fall to sleep.

Good idea about opening the stair gate once we go to bed. I felt like locking him in wasn’t teaching him to stay put, but for the safety of my baby I think I probably need to do it.

OP posts:
mrsmalcolmreynolds · 08/08/2019 23:30

We had this with both ours (worse - record was over 100 returns to bed) and I'm afraid the solution was to just keep doing it and it took months Angry

Dmacka75 · 08/08/2019 23:33

The moshi app is good, has worked well for my 4 year old. I dont pay for it just use the free sleep stories

Original poster
Tigerwhocamefortea · 08/08/2019 23:34

@mrsmalcolmreynolds oh gosh not what I wanted to hear!

I think I’m going to put the stair gate on. At least for the next week to give it a try. I think he will be very cross at first but hopefully he will calm down and sleep!

OP posts:
MustShowDH · 08/08/2019 23:35

I used to keep the stair gate shut all night as I was convinced my DD would go and sleep in the dogs bed / bath / somewhere weird if I opened it! I think she liked going for a little wander around her room / playing with toys at night.

Nanny0gg · 08/08/2019 23:35

And sitting in their room, not speaking, till they go to sleep.

thecatinthetwat · 08/08/2019 23:38

It’s ruining my evenings, means I can’t get anything done around the house and don’t get to talk to DH so desperately need some help!

My life has been like this for 3 years. I don’t think you can lock him in with a gate can you? You could shut him out of baby’s room with the gate, but not lock him in.

What do I know though, don’t listen to me Wink

Singlenotsingle · 08/08/2019 23:41

Give him his dummy back. Simples!

MustShowDH · 08/08/2019 23:45

@thecatinthetwat I did partly for safety. Didn't want DD getting into the bathroom (cleaning stuff etc.) overnight if I didn't hear her wake. Her door was always open (still is and she's 9) so if she called me from her gate I'd go to her. Even at 9, she knows if she needs me all she has to do is call me or come in and I don't mind being woken up.
We removed the gate once she was potty trained so she could go to the loo herself in the night.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 08/08/2019 23:46

Tiger I know, sorry! On the plus side it did sort out in the end and they both go to sleep really well now. We actually found keeping a tally oddly therapeutic and taking turns between me and DH essential too. Keep your phone by you to avoid dying of boredom!

KellyHall · 08/08/2019 23:46

Does your child understand rewards?

When my dd got her first 'big girl's bed', we tried the putting back method and it just didn't work for us either - too exhausting and too much screaming!

The only thing that has worked for us is offering a present if she stays in her room all night. Something small, e.g. a 90p pair of Primark flip flops or something from Poundland generally (not food as apparently it creates an unhealthy relationship with food and has been linked to obesity). If I think she can handle it, on occasion I have even shown her a present and told her if she stays in her room all night, she'll get the present the next morning.

It works most of the time, probably 9/10 nights. We only get nighttime visits now when I've worked a few shifts back to back and she misses me so comes in for cuddles!

MustShowDH · 08/08/2019 23:47

Sorry, just re-read, as I wasn't very clear. The gate was for safety, not so I could shut her away and ignore her.

mummmy2017 · 08/08/2019 23:50

Sit by door with a book.
Just keep taking back to bed.

Original poster
Tigerwhocamefortea · 09/08/2019 00:17

I don’t want to sit with him until he falls asleep as it takes up to 2 hours and he isn’t upset so doesn’t actually need me.

OP posts:
usernamerisnotavailable · 09/08/2019 08:20

My DS wouldn't stay in bed. Drove me insane. In the end what worked for me was a magic box in my room and each time he got out of bed I took a toy and put it in the magic box. First night we got up to over ten toys taken until he stayed in bed. Repeated every night for a week or so. He got to earn a toy back every night he stayed in bed.

After a week we had no more problems.

user1493413286 · 09/08/2019 08:26

I would just use a stair gate; we’ve had one on the bedroom door since DD went into a toddler bed as I was worried about her getting up and going into the bathroom or finding something dangerous without us hearing. My DD stands at it in the morning and calls to us but I do plan on leaving it open during the night when I’m a bit more confident.
Has he got something to replace the dummy? Like a soft toy that stays in bed with him?

Iggly · 09/08/2019 08:28

Put them in together.

He’s looking for his sister by the sounds of it and doesn’t want to be alone.

Ours shared a room and they didn’t disturb each other in the night.

It made it easier when they both needed us more at bedtime.

Now they’re 9&7, still share sometimes but have their own rooms. It’s easier to be honest when they’re together.

Iggly · 09/08/2019 08:30

Although I’ve realised she’s only 4 months so maybe not.
Ours shared from when my youngest was 9 months.

Before that we did have to sit with ds until he slept. It was annoying but I figured I was spending time trying to settle him, so may as well stay with him until he slept.

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2019 08:32

I know it takes time, but it does reduce.

For us it was worth the initial inconvenience.

Fatted · 09/08/2019 08:37

Stairgate on the door bedroom door.

I always kept the stair gate locked because I was paranoid about them falling down the stairs at night when I was asleep and couldn't hear them.

I was trying to think what I did with my eldest when youngest was 4 months old, but my eldest was still 2 and in the cot bed still.

You'll also get some smart arse along in a minute telling you your baby should be permanently strapped to your side until they're six months old and not upstairs to sleep on their own.

Original poster
Tigerwhocamefortea · 09/08/2019 08:40

@Iggly yes she is only 4 months so I don’t want to put them together. The other night I came up to bed and he had snook into my room and was asleep in my bed next to DD crib. I don’t want him “helpfully” trying to cover her with a blanket or give her a cuddle when I’m not tjrrr!

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 09/08/2019 08:41

Perhaps you could go old school like my mum and just say "BED!" in a slightly threatening tone. It worked on me!

scuttles back to first memories thread...

Lyingonthesofainthedark · 09/08/2019 08:58

Absolutely don't put him with his sister. That is dangerous.