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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect parents to teach their little children not to approach my dog?

412 replies

joystir59 · 08/08/2019 20:33

It happens all the time- young child screams "Little doggie" and reaches towards Dog with outstretched hands. My dog hates little children doing this and would probably snap at them if they managed to actually get their hands on him. Why don't parents teach their children to ignore strange dogs?

OP posts:
toria658 · 09/08/2019 11:24

Unfortunately, it is not unusual for children to be allowed to approach dogs inappropriately. When my two dogs were young, I had both on a lead, one was at my side and one was learning to walk at my side but was lagging behind, in a dog park. While I was attending to my English Springer Spaniel ( who had picked up something revolting to eat) a small toddler approached my 4 month old Boxer ( the one lagging behind) and put her hands on my Boxer dog’s snout/ fingers up her nose. Fortunately I felt a jolt on the lead, turned round and asked sniggering parents to remove their child’s hand from my dog’s snout ( my dog was very uncomfortable and goodness knows how she didn’t snap), parents incredulous that I did not find it funny or cute. Whilst they removed their child I asked how they would have found it funny if my restrained dog had bitten their child out of fright.

Children and dogs require supervision and introduction, indeed I have taken my spaniel into year one classes to show children how to appropriately deal with dogs, ie not to touch without Mummy or Daddy saying it’s ok, and when it is ok to stroke to do so in a certain way, ie not on the head etc and if a dog growls it is a warning etc etc....

Dogs and children are both wonderful but both require careful supervision, boundaries and socialisation. Children randomly approaching any animal is a recipe for disaster for the child and the animal.

LakieLady · 09/08/2019 11:33

The owner who had it on one of those very long leads was so angry when I kicked to dog to get it away, he was lucky that I didn't kick it much harder.

My first dog was "footshy" as a result of being kicked by some fuckwit. If you'd kicked him, you'd still be carrying the scars.

crazycatgal · 09/08/2019 11:35

It's not all about being snappy or going for someone. My dog is very soft and even-tempered but I can still tell that he's upset when children are manhandling him even though he won't bark or show aggression. Is it OK for him to put up with this because he won't snap?

Allowing your child to run over and grab a dog isn't fair on the dog.

Daytimetellysucks · 09/08/2019 11:46

Allowing your child to run over and grab a dog isn't fair on the dog.

100% agree!

My dog won’t bite or growl or snap. She loves fuss and cuddles but she’s still little and is very shy.

Running and flinging yourself at her frightens her and she will do her best to get away from you. Why should she be expected to put up with it?

Ask first, approach her properly and she’ll fling herself on at your feet, roll onto her back with legs akimbo and she’ll be your friend for life

jennymanara · 09/08/2019 11:53

When my dog was still alive I had young children touching him very inappropriately. Running up and physically draping themselves over his back to give him a hug, touching his nose, and other inappropriate things. He would never have bitten. But children should be taught not to do this. I had to regularly tell children not to do things that were hurting him.

Dogs are live things. Not toys and should not be treated as toys. And if your child treats dogs as toys, the chance of them get bitten at some point is a real risk.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 09/08/2019 12:08

"My dog is very soft and even-tempered but I can still tell that he's upset when children are manhandling him even though he won't bark or show aggression. Is it OK for him to put up with this because he won't snap?"

On another thread like this I was roasted for suggesting that people might want to learn basic dog body language and teach their children, because again the dog should just put up with whatever is happening otherwise it's clearly aggressive and should be put down!

SerenDippitty · 09/08/2019 12:08

A dog that is lying under a table minding its own business is not out of control. But a child who tries to crawl under the table certainly is. And a adult who just sticks his hand in the dog's face is an idiot.

adaline · 09/08/2019 12:13

A dog that is lying under a table minding its own business is not out of control. But a child who tries to crawl under the table certainly is.

This drives me mad. I was out yesterday with mine having a coffee at a cafe place with outdoor seating. We sat at a table that was on it's own and were sat having a coffee. Ddog was lying down with a chew and minding his own business under the table. The amount of children who tried to get under the table to see him was ridiculous - why would you let your child get into an enclosed space with a strange dog - especially one that has food?!

BlamesFartsOnTheNeighbour · 09/08/2019 12:14

I had an Alsatian off the lead snap at my elbow while I was out jogging a few months back. Owners got a right earful. Dogs in public can fuck off as far as I'm concerned.

TheBadNeighbour · 09/08/2019 12:14

If you were to kick my dog I’d prod you firmly in the eye

PookieDo · 09/08/2019 12:19

@crazycatgal

Same. My dog is so soft and gentle has never ever snapped. But this is worse for him because DC do not seem to understand his body language (cowering, escaping, ears down) and the parents blindly go awww isn’t that cute my DC are SUCH animal lovers!
It’s bonkers Confused

BlamesFartsOnTheNeighbour · 09/08/2019 12:19

If you prodded me in the eye because you had an out of control dog I'd have you arrested.

HappyParent2000 · 09/08/2019 12:21

I’ve thought my one to go to the owner first not the dog. Most don’t mind but some say no. When my one forgets I remind him quickly.

I take the approach that 90% of a child’s education has to come from us parents.

reetgood · 09/08/2019 12:22

‘The screamy hands outstretched thing’ is pretty much my 19 month old’s default setting when we see a dog. Also saying ‘doggy doggy doggy’ and putting his face right up to the dog. Shock. And then goes in for HUG.

Consequently I am alert to any dogs we see when we walk and always check with the owners (whilst I restrain child and try to introduce concept of not sticking hands in dogs face/ shouting at them in excitement). I’m not a dog person but it’s surely fairly obvious that some dogs will not take kindly to such attention! Yanbu OP!

Simkin · 09/08/2019 12:24

YABU to expect it. You should expect everybody to be an idiot when it comes to safety, just as you do when driving, and take steps to protect your dog and self.

Parents should not expect dog owners to be considerate either and yes, should teach their kids not to approach dogs. But you can't control other people's behaviour, only your own.

crosstalk · 09/08/2019 12:29

I have a terrier that loves people - even children faints. However I'll look into the yellow lead thing because he doesn't like other dogs since he was almost killed by a much bigger dog when younger. The problem with muzzling is that it's hard for a scent dog to bear but also can make other dogs off lead (especially if two or more) more aggressive. It's a conundrum. Mine is only off lead when swimming or when I'm somewhere I know and can see no other dogs. But it's quite hard work for both of us when owners of other, friendlier dogs don't have recall or are being inattentive to my apologetic shouted warnings. A bright yellow lead would be helpful - like a red ribbon on a kicking horse.

jennymanara · 09/08/2019 12:30

I understand that tiny children will not understand how to approach dogs appropriately. But tiny children also don't understand how to approach traffic or the many other everyday hazards appropriately. That is why they are closely supervised.

I do think basic dog language is important to understand. I understand how to tell if a dog is friendly or not. I know that it is good dog manners to let a dog sniff my hand first if it wants to before trying to stroke it.

LakieLady · 09/08/2019 12:30

My DDs are forever going up to dogs despite me telling them not to

{sigh} Perhaps you should keep them on leads reins?

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/08/2019 12:39

BlamesFarts..

You realise that responsible dog owners don't like that kind of irresponsible shit either yeah?

No one likes out of control dogs, dogs behaving rudely off lead, dogs allowed to do as they please to the detriment of others. No one.

But equally, parents should take responsibility and not expect that every dog on the planet is trained to tolerate anything a child might do, however rude, scary, or painful it is.

It isn't possible to teach a dog to NEVER react to being scared or hurt, to attempt to do so would be abusive.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 09/08/2019 12:45

It's pretty simple.
Don't touch dogs you don't know. Don't let your dogs approach people they don't know. If either of these are a struggle, you need to up your teaching/ training.

LakieLady · 09/08/2019 12:46

Your dog shouldn’t be snapping at young children. Buy a muzzle if attempts to correct this have failed.

My first dog (a saint among dogs, who proably could have been an obedience champion if I'd known then what I know now) once snapped at a child. He was happily snoozing under the table in a pub on lunchtime when a toddler crawled under the table, unseen by me, and poked a straw up his nose, while child's feckless dad was sitting at the bar swilling Stella. I was about to bollock the dog when another customer told me what had happened.

Anyone who thinks the dog should have been muzzled should stick a straw up their own nose and see how much it hurts.

PinaC · 09/08/2019 12:47

My dd was bitten last year as we walked into a shop a dog was tied up and as we walked past it lunged at her and bit her hand badly and she was in a terrible state. She’s a teenager so her hand would have been toddler face height
We went to the first aider then I waited for the owner who tried to call me a liar and then said ‘well she’s fine with our children very calm so I can’t believe this’

TwistedStrawberry · 09/08/2019 12:48

Dogs in public can fuck off as far as I'm concerned

This planet is not for the sole use of humans (the most destructive species of all the animals). You have to share it with allll the others. So i'm afraid dogs in public are not going to fuck off.

MhysaMhysa · 09/08/2019 12:56

It's definitely a two way thing. Parents should educate their children and are responsible from keeping them away from unknown dogs. Dog owners are responsible for making sure their dogs don't approach or bite anyone and can't assume everyone will know how to correctly behave around animals.

I have both a young child and dog, DD wants to touch every dog she sees, but we are getting there slowly, although she will sometimes reach out to pet a dog. My dog I keep on a very short leash in public because he still jumps, I give people, esp children a very wide berth in passing or stop and hold him close to me to make it obvious we don't want to be approached.

If a child did approach him and got bit or jumped on, I'd feel responsible regardless of the circumstances.

christinarossetti19 · 09/08/2019 12:57

"We went to the first aider then I waited for the owner who tried to call me a liar and then said ‘well she’s fine with our children very calm so I can’t believe this’"

Yes, something very similar happened to a friend of mine. A dog ran up to him while he was sitting in the cafe in the park and bit his knee. Luckily, the dog didn't go for his 3 year old child who was standing next to him. "Oh, I don't know why he did that, he's been much better recently and hasn't gone for anyone", said the dosy dog owner.

I never had to teach my children not to approach strange dogs. They had had so many experiences of dogs barking at them, trying to lick them or snuffling around them while they were strapped into their buggies, they were both very wary of dogs.

Of course people should teach their children not to approach or shout at dogs. But if dogs cannot be 100% relied on to not bite/snap randomly, not bark at people simply standing still/walking or running, and to come to their owner when called (the first time, not after 10 minutes of the owner running after the dog shouting at it) they should be on leads in areas where there are people.