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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to see how long my dds are happy to live in a pig sty?!?

30 replies

SavagelyGardening · 08/08/2019 18:51

dds (11 and 9) are so messy. every single day so far of the holidays I have had to ask them to tidy it. They kind of do and it looks tidy ish but they just shove things and the next day is exactly the same. im fed up of spending my time with them constantly nagging about their mess.

so ive decided to just let them be ( for a limited time... don't think I could deal with it more than a couple of weeks) im going to see how long it takes them to actually get fed up of living in filth.

just to state, I do help them, I go in every couple of months and do a deep clean/tidy/declutter and ive tidied with them so they know what theyre doing. But I expect them to keep it reasonably tidy in between. its not a huge room so any clothes on the floor/toys/pens etc not put away make the room seem instantly messy.

no matter how badly I want to I am NOT going to clean it or ask them to clean it. Any bets on how long it takes Hmm

and if anyone has any tips on how to encourage their kids to keep their rooms tidy im all ears. ( currently say they cant go on tablets etc till its tidy )

OP posts:
gingeristhenewblack43 · 08/08/2019 18:55

5 years at least!

Some people are naturally messy, my DSis bedroom was always a pigsty growing up. Her DH does most of the housework and tidying now.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 08/08/2019 18:56

It will never happen. You’ll get a fortnight into the plan, your head will be fried with the level of mess and they still won’t give a shite.

Some people just don’t mind mess. Those people are wrong, and must be taught to love order!

Original poster
SavagelyGardening · 08/08/2019 19:00

oh no don't say that! :( :( :(
honestly at a loss, its driving me bonkers. there are 6 of us in a smallish house so it gets so so messy really quickly. so we have to tidy up after ourselves or it just gets awful!

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 08/08/2019 19:04

Until they are on year 11 and don’t want to revise for their GCSEs , then suddenly they’ll get enthusiastic about tidying their room.

You just have to nag them op.

longwayoff · 08/08/2019 19:05

fudge brownie is absolutely right. Save yourself the stress.

Original poster
SavagelyGardening · 08/08/2019 19:11

I feel sorry for dd9 as shes not as bad as dd11 but she still is messy. I remember as a pre teen I was meesy but I did used to have a big clean out every fortnight or so when I got fed up, but my dds really just don't seem to care

OP posts:
Pinkout · 08/08/2019 19:13

I don’t think this ends until they leave home OP, sorry Grin.

fleshmarketclose · 08/08/2019 19:14

If it's just their room then I expect it will bother them when they get to about eighteen and they can't find what they need for uni. I'd just issue natural consequences such as no you can't have friends round because the room is a mess, no your favourite top isn't clean because it's on the floor and not in the basket, no I won't replace your stuff that got broken when you left it on the floor. When they get fed up of the consequences they might think to tidy up.

Nautiloid · 08/08/2019 19:15

It's never going to happen.

fedup21 · 08/08/2019 19:17

What do you mean by ‘it’? Their bedroom or the whole house?

youarenotkiddingme · 08/08/2019 19:18

I'm with flesh they have to see the benefit of tidying it.
The most used phrase in my house is "wherever you left it" when things under a pile of things can't be found and I'm asked where they are Grin

negrilbaby · 08/08/2019 19:19

I give you until it starts to spread outside of their room.

Pinkkahori · 08/08/2019 19:20

Is it filth though or just their stuff lying around?
If there is rotting food or loads of dirty dishes then it needs to be sorted.
If it is just stuff then I just leave them to it. Mine are 10 and 13. Washing up must be put in dishwasher and laundry in the basket.
They eventually do a big sort out.

Original poster
SavagelyGardening · 08/08/2019 19:21

fedup21 just their bedroom. obviously I do expect them to tidy up things they leave around the house but its only their room I want them to keep tidy.

fleshmarketclose natural consequences! I juts feel im being a bad mum if their room is an absolute state so I need to constantly get them to sort it out.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 08/08/2019 19:22

to see how long my dds are happy to live in a pig sty?!?

How long are you prepared to wait. I’m 40. Grin

CanaryFish · 08/08/2019 19:23

What kind of mess is it ? Dirty clothes on the floor? Toys not put back ? Sweet wrappers ? Arts and crafts?

I suppose the biggest meanest most effective way is to limit the amount of “stuff” they have

Original poster
SavagelyGardening · 08/08/2019 19:23

pinkkahori not food (usually) although they do have the odd sweet packet and water cup up there, but I don't let them take food up.

there are dirty clothes though, which drives me crazy as the washing basket is directly outside their door!

OP posts:
Original poster
SavagelyGardening · 08/08/2019 19:26

canaryfish yes all of the above haha
mainly clothes, both clean and dirt ( I tell them to sort and they attempt to just chuck it all in the wash hahaha no way)
toys, crafts, papers, pens, theres not a huge amount of floor space so it gets very messy very quickly

OP posts:
fifipop185 · 08/08/2019 19:29

I just pull the door closed on DD15's room so I don't have to look at the mess of clothes and school books and clutter. She will tidy up when her boyf or a mate comes over but otherwise I leave her to. If she can't find something or runs out of clean pants then it's her problem Wink

Livebythecoast · 08/08/2019 19:36

My Mum used to be brutal - if she asked me to tidy my room but left anything on the floor she'd say 'oh, I assumed it was rubbish so I threw it' !!
My beloved peddle pushers (3/4 length very fashionable trousers back in the day) were cut up into dusters!
I'm not quite as brutal but with my DD15 I adopt a similar approach - if it's on the floor it's rubbish (I put it in a bin bag and give it back later when she's sobbing)
I know, call SS.... awful mum I am.

Poochandmutt · 08/08/2019 19:37

Yeah my 18 year old ds ..ha he doesn’t care ..I worry what social services would think if they saw his room.
I’ve spent years doing it for him .i refused point blank when he got to 16..he’s now 18 and I’ve not done it.nor has he .
All his bedding quilt pillows all had to be binned ..can’t wait till he leaves home

sackrifice · 08/08/2019 19:39

Anything still on the floor or not tidied away when I come up in an hour is going in this bin bag [do it the night before the bins are emptied].

And do it every fortnight.

lyralalala · 08/08/2019 19:41

My teenage twins are atrociously messy. I'm untidy, but they are something else. I gave up nagging when they were 12. As long as the room isn't dangerous (I banned food up there, and they currently have one glass each they are allowed to use to stop it turning into a crockery graveyard) then it's their lookout. If they don't put washing in the basket then it doesn't get washed, and I don't allow panic washing and use of the dryer when they realise the top they must wear today has been on the floordrobe for 3 weeks.

Their room is a state, but they have got better. One day at school (they were 14 and they had been nagged all weekend) in non uniform trousers sorted out the uniform issue and they are now better at putting things in the basket if they may want to wear them.

The thing that does inspire them to tidy up is they aren't allowed friends in if they can't go to their room. So they tend to have a mad two hours every couple of months whereby the washing basket ends up choca and I remember they have a carpet.

MuthaFunka61 · 08/08/2019 19:43

My way of dealing with young teens mess was to close the door and leave them to it, my limit being that when their mess spilt out onto the landing it was time to clean and tidy their room.

It worked well, there was no stress and they both survived to be reasonably tidy adults.

G'luck, you'll survive Smile

Original poster
SavagelyGardening · 08/08/2019 19:48

ok so consensus is to leave them to it. ok ill give it a go, although like poochandmutt I do worry that were social services ever called they would suspect severe neglect Blush

ill leave them to their own mess, I will need to be strong though to not wash uniform, im so soft but I know it needs to be tough love for their own good regarding their bedroom.

OP posts:
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